This troper was going through a tough time when they were given a Reason You Suck Speech and gave one in turn. Her Brother was on suicide watch and I had stayed home while my parents were at work. As a result, my grades did a nosedive. Anyway, when I finally returned to school, the vice-principal took the liberty of hunting me down and screaming at me in front of my whole english class. I have never been so humiliated in my life. Needless to say, I was a bit high-strung from recent events so I sort of... Uh... Snapped. #QUOTE# Me: You might think you are inspiring us to show you respect and show that this school has a pecking order when you scream at us in front of their class, but you aren't. You are inspiring us to hate your guts. Also, I guess you don't care enough about your students to read about their current state of mind before you make them feel like shit even further. Have you been losing sleep over over the possibility that when you wake up your brother might not be alive? I'm guessing not. Are your parents threatening to get a divorce? I bet not. Are you about to have a mental breakdown from the stress currently on your shoulders? Maybe, maybe not. I know I am missing assignments, and I know I have to get them done if I want to pass. However, there is a difference between reminding someone to get work done and harassment. A BIG FUCKING DIFFERENCE. Thank you.

I got suspended for weeks, but it was worth it.

You Probably should have said that your mother/father was a lawyer or something and that you were liable to sue.Either way, I award you this Crown for having the guts to do something like that.

You see this crown I have in my hands? It is another Awesome Crown, and it's now yours. Your speech is dripping in the courage I ''wish'' more people had.

On top of your 2 crowns I hereby give you an Epic Win.

Make that 3 crowns. *give*

This (normally shy and non-confrontational) troper gave a ranting one to a libby-ish girl who used to be her friend. This friend had been complaining about how her latest male obsession doesn't want to date her, and might rather date another girl who is pretty but also a genuinely nice person. If I remember correctly it went like this: #QUOTE# Her: ...I just don't understand how you managed to get a boyfriend but I didn't. #QUOTE# Me: Then let me explain, and it's *very* simple: because the guy I like wanted to be with me. I'm not saying you're not pretty; you're gorgeous, but no one wants to date you anyways. And that's because you're selfish. You're always picking up a new "best friend" who's not quite as pretty as you. Then when you're in a bad mood you take it out on her, when she looks good, you cut her down. When she stops lending you money, buying you presents, and taking your crap, you just move on to the next one. If she ever talks to someone else, anyone you think might possibly divert her attention from you, you cling to her like static. Until, of course, your latest male obsession walks by, then you drop her and cling to him instead. But he still doesn't want to be with you. You know why? Because relationships take give and take. And you? You're selfish. you're all take and no give. You could be the prettiest girl ever, and still no guy would ever want to touch you because you would suck the life force out of him. And... (realizes what I've said) I'm really sorry about that.

This tropette gave one to this homophobic guy on {{Youtube}} (bad words ahead)on the {{Katy Perry}} Firework Video->.....I was too busy shaking in anger just now. HAVE YOU NO IDEA WHY THE SUICIDE RATE FOR THE LGBT people IS SO HIGH??? Life is NOT ALL ABOUT SEX AND REPRODUCING! Even ANIMALS have been known to be gay when they are in their habitats so why do you say it's UNNATURAL???!!!I am asexual, but there people who I love and respect who are not. I only have two more words to say and those are FUCK YOU!!! This also goes for the rest of you who have said anti-gay slurs on this page.

And you never stopped to think that it was just a Troll who was hoping to get that kind of reaction out of you? You just let him win.

This Troper gets them too often from friends. Basically sum up to "You're clingy and annoying. Go bother someone else".

Sir, I suggest you rethink your definition of "friend".

This Troper's fourth-grade teacher gave this to me, and I got her fired.

And you didn't put this under "Crowning Moment Of Awesome?

This Troper once got a lecture out of the blue from his English teacher that he was arrogant and insensitive to others. Years later I was diagnosed with Aspergers. I sometimes daydream about meeting her at a school reunion and explaining it to her.

Not to sound insensitive, but is having Asperger's Syndrome and being "arrogant and insensitive to others" entirely mutually exclusive?

Asperger's Syndrome hinders people's social skills and communication skills, so while it is not mutually exclusive with being arrogant and insensitive, since it can make perfectly decent people sound a lot worse than they really are, I'm going to give the original poster the benefit of the doubt. (I don't have the syndrome myself, but I know some people online who do, and I don't think anyone is low enough to pretend to have such a syndrome to get away with {{GIFT}}.)

Not to sound arrogant or insensitive, but having Asperger's shouldn't excuse you from being a dick.

Having Asperger's should definitely not excuse you from being a dick! This troper has the same thing and he tries to be as polite as possible! Why don't you actually try being nice rather than blaming it on Asperger's?!

This Troper got these all the time from his parents when he was little. Then again, it kinda comes with being Asian. . . .

I'm Asian too. I got this from my parents recently, but I did fail my freshman year of college. . . .

Asian, too, but I feel like I don't get these from my parents, but more from my older sister. I almost get them at least twice a year. Then again, I probably deserved them...

This tropette regularly gives them to random people over Xbox Live who annoy her, be they cheaters, children trying to play a prank on her or people who send her hatemail.

This Troper gave a very nasty one that was merged with a HannibalLecture to a bully JerkJock type. It can be summed up as, "I really do pity you. . .or at least I try to. . . . You are just an empty fool who tries to erase his fear that he might not get a football scholarship by bullying those lesser than him. I continue these "geeky" behaviors because they let me form at least a core of my personality. You. . .you have nothing any more other than to try to fill your empty core up with the fear of others while watching that perfect six pack decay from one too many beers." He cried and ran away, having been emotionally dissected.

...When you take over the world, can I be a minion?

When you take over the world, I'll be leading La Resistance. Or an Overminion (Read: The Dragon). Either one.

This never happened, did it?

(Not OP) No. No it did not. Jocks like that will not cry in the situation described above. The above troper may, however, be genuinely mistaken--having misinterpreted the jock's motivations, or being ignorant of some situation like...oh just read the example at the top of the page.

This Troper had a high-school coach in soccer comparable to DrillSergeantNasty. One practice, he once ordered us to run laps until further notice. While running, he looked at the school, looked at the sky and delivered the trope-titled speech. His speech was even justified, because we were possibly the worst team in the state. :(

This Troper was not a popular or likable child, but I got more than I deserved from my Scout troop. I was called on the carpet in front of an assembly of Scoutmasters to sit next to my father while they handed me an "itemized list" (bullet points! seriously!) of the ways in which they didn't like me. I hadn't actually ''done'' anything; they just didn't think I was "leadership material", i.e., the other kids picked on me. (I consider my revenge to be living well—putting up with their crap lasted a few years, but the Eagle Scout rank I hung in there for lasts a lifetime.)

You and my brother both. Congrats on the Eagle!

All too common in arguments amongst this tropette's family members. I give them to my brother, and I get those from my mother. And then I do it to her and/or my father. NOBODY MESSES WITH EMI! EVER! D:<

This Troper once had a boss who called him "strong of body, if not necessarily of mind". Without any cause or reason. And in public. The shocked looks of everyone in the room did nothing to give her a hint that perhaps that wasn't the most professional thing to say.

This Troper did a pretty nasty one to one boy on her class. You see, he is increadibly lazy, couldn't care less about school and passes his classes by copying and luck. Then, one time I was assigned as his pair in the school project and I had enought his crap, so I coldy delivered next speech in a calm, monotonic voice and left him to on his own. #QUOTE# Troper: I can't believe this! Don't you take anything seriously? No wonder that you get so bad grades, you just use your mouth to babble shit instead of something useful. Do I need to sew it shut so I can concentrate? Listen now, you are nothing without my support. A zero. A loser. Believe me, if we wouldn't be reclutantly helping you, you wouldn't last untill this f** king semester. No wonder your father remarried and made new children—I'd do so too if I'd had as useless child as you! I really don't know should I pity you, but I know one thing: You can swim in your own pool of failure from now on. Next time you'll come to copy my homework I'll make sure that you will repeat this year over again. Screw this project, I'm out of here!

Geez, don't you think that that was a bit cold? You could have at least left his home life out of it.

I agree... Wasn't that taking it a little too far?

Yeah, you sound like a total asshole.

OH.MY.GOD. THAT WAS ME! its strange that that speach mirrors one i took to the head.

This Troper was once chewed out by his Physics teacher with a TheReasonYouSuckSpeech, after she overheard him making a lame pun on her name. This must have triggered a BerserkButton or else it was just to set an example, because the speech was very harsh compared to the harmlessness of the pun.

This troper was once in a remedial math class were the professor loved pacing back and forth and delivering these to ''the entire class'' about once a week. Always about how we were here because we didn't pay attention to our schooling, how if you fuck up here it's the end of the line, it's your fault you're here, etc. I didn't particularly care, but I'm sure some people were very hurt by it.

This Troper got one from a teacher she greatly admired, for at most mildly inconveniencing him (she was telling him, a week in advance and just after receiving the performance dates that she wouldn't be at school on the date her skit was due). He went on for a good ten minutes about how her inconsiderateness had ruined his lesson plans, and how disappointed he was in her. Needless to say, getting this from a teacher she was desperate to impress for such a mild reason was very upsetting.

This troper had a teacher who taught fifth-grade English to us that would subject us to one of these about every other month. She'd even go off on these weird tangents that weren't even related to the class, like fire safety. . . . Seriously.

I dream of giving one to my... *friend* I've even planned it out: #QUOTE# Me *in happy tone of voice* ...You know? I have just realized something about you. You...are a total prick. You barely give your sisters any respect, you never care about what I say, and you keep begging me to hang out with you, often using the excuses 'I don't have a social life!' and 'But you're my friiieeennndddd.' Well, you know, I don't have a bloody social life either, but at least it's better than hanging out with you! And don't give me that crap. You have more times to socialize than me and you know it! You take more classes outside your house than I, and you have 7 sisters to talk to! But no, you cling to me. Why? You never pick up on the clues I give you that say, "Get out of my sight!" And no, I'm not your friend. I was NEVER your friend! Now get out of my sight, bitch.

This Troper had an eternally disgruntled Music teacher who, at one time or another, gave one of these to EVERY SINGLE STUDENT in her class. She would only be nice to the newcomers, who were still scared shitless by how she treated the other students. Eventually, she "retired" after she locked a student out of the classroom, and told another one "when you're living on the streets, I won't feel sorry for you".

This Troper has seen the professor of one very difficult class (the kind where no one is getting higher than a fifty percent on anything) give this speech a few times. Of course it couldn't have anything to do with her being a horrible teacher to begin with, right? Amusingly, another professor told him not to worry so much, as he bombed the class himself when he had to take it many years back.

It occurs to this troper that parents are probably the biggest sources of this speech. This troper's father delivered some cringe-inducing ones for most of his young life.

Boot Camp. Usually indirectly. This Troper was once chewed out for... something (he honestly can't remember), but he didn't know how much trouble he was in when the camp's Chief Petty Officer comes up to my barracks, asks me if I'm a friend of the officer in charge of my unit, and after my "no" response, more or less says "then treat your officer with respect. Sic 'em". The sic-ers being the petty officers at hand. Unit was pissed at me ''right after'' punishment.

This troper actually had the most popular (and scored 4 points from "genius level, I absolutely '''must''' point out) search him out in the middle of the halls in seventh grade and start a conversation thusly: You know why you don't have any friends? It is my firm belief that people like this guy are what brought out the best in me. And I thank them everyday for it...

... Grammar. Seriously. I have no idea what you're talking about. Most popular what? Why is it relevant that he (or she, or you) is smart? Who's getting insulted, and what for? And that, my dear, is the reason ''you'' suck.

Burn.

Verily. Hold still, please, I've been dying to roast some marshmallows for months.

''Marshmallows?'' '''That burn could have killed the freakin' dinosaurs!'''

This troper once received one of these from her father. She was nineteen years old and had done nothing at all to deserve this -- in fact, she had just treated him to lunch from Burger King -- so to be subjected to a random hour of criticism was as bewildering as it was upsetting. The man is a general JerkAss, however, so ultimately she ignored everything he said, but it's a good example of why he's out of her life.

Maybe it was because you took him to Burger King? Just a thought. But no, I tease. You should have asked for some boiling cheese sauce and poured it down the front of his pants. The inevitable scars would teach him a lesson.

This Troper received one from his '''younger''' sister in my freshman year of college (I was living with my parents at the time because their house was only 15 minutes from the university). Basically I had forgotten to do some chores around the house (minor stuff, really) and later my sister bursts into the room and starts with "Why are you so immature?" and then answered that question herself in the form of a rant. I was actually unaffected by it, and at the end of her rant I simply said "You raise a good point, but in all honesty I don't give a rat's ass." and went back to my video game. I may have proved her point, but at least I shut her up.

On a side note, since I moved out of the house we get along a LOT better. All's well that ends well.

This Troper has ''given'' more than a few of these to people he deeply detests--but the crowning jewel of the ocean of vitriol he's produced over the years has to be his blanket condemnation of the 9/11 Truth Movement. A choice snippet: #QUOTE#"You discredit a million worthy causes every time you dilate that second anus at the end of your neck! Everything you affiliate yourself with is sullied by mere proximity to you! Every injustice and atrocity our overlords and their pet politicians visit upon us made to seem insignificant by your fearmongering and paranoia! Every revolutionary and rebel throughout history debased--profaned!--by your indescribable gall! You cling to concepts like truth and freedom like a lamprey, sucking away all their meaning and polluting them with your disgusting, superficial OMG REBELZZ bullshit--and someday, there'll be nothing left of them but empty shells, words without meaning that only fools and liars even bother to use, ''and it will be your god damned fault.'' You should be ashamed."

PurpleProse, much?

I prefer to call it a {{Frasier}} moment.

"Brevity is the soul of wit."

The above is said by the same character who is the source of Like A Weasel. Kinda discredits the maxim, don't you think?

Mmhmm. I'll see your Kelsey Grammer and raise you Harrison Ford--"George, you can type this shit but you sure can't say it."

To be fair, if you can actually sound like Kelsey Grammer while you deliver it, that's pretty damn awesome. Then again, I watched a lot of {{Frasier}} as a child, so I might be biased.

I dunno, I'd pay good money to hear Kelsey Grammer say "OMG REBELZZ"

This troper's chemistry teacher is good at giving these in such a way that you don't realize you're being told you suck until you think about it later. He inserts so many random or amusing references that it distracts you from the overall message of the speech. And then you just get this feeling of determination to prove him wrong. It's proved to be a rather nice motivator for a few kids in his classes.

This troper's father claims he was subjected to listening the the scoutmaster and other troop leaders of her youngest brother's Boy Scout Troop deliver one of these about a parent who had made a complaint about one of the leaders. Her father attempted to give a RousingSpeech to unite the other parents against the absolute dictatorship of the minority. It was, of course, gloriously subverted when everyone else looked at him like a deer in headlights. It basically got her brother (and three or four other boys) kicked out of the troop.

I've delivered a few of these before. One of these was to an average intelligence JerkAss jock who I had classes with and constantly mouthed off to me. It ended with the teacher, who was normally a bit of a hothead at being interrupted, just said "Damn that was harsh," and we continued with the lesson. I also frequently give these to incredibly stupid people I get paired up with for group projects.

Maybe those kids deserve it, but this troper is usually the stupid one getting chewed out. Basically, people make mistakes. If you can't understand that you're going to be disappointed a lot (as well as making enemies out of us ditzes). Just saying...

{{@/Wysp}} posted one here. To explain, the person he is talking to has the power to expose the pure truth about a person.

Too bad nobody can read it without signing up for that forum. (OrIsIt?)

You can go in as a guest, because it's the RPG board.

This troper's very-much-ex-stepfather was fond of giving her these, though he preferred to keep his disgust and scorn implied (AintNoRule against passive-aggression!) After living through five years of ''that'', she's pretty much internalized the process, and gives herself a small one each day, so she's essentially inoculated against them (self-deprecation is my kung-fu, and it is strong). Of course, people giving them to her loved ones is her ULTIMATE BerserkButton.

This troper gets them all the time from his mother. It's usually only mildly aggravating, but on bad days it can be a BerserkButton

OMG! Me too!! Wait, are we brothers????

I doubt it...

This troper got two of these from her eighth-grade science teacher. Once, after hearing me exclaiming over my surprise at scoring higher than my seatmate on a quiz (an unusual occurrence) she shrieked "Don't you dare put her down! It's not like you have grades to brag about!" This confused me, mostly because my exact words had been "Wow, I got higher than you? That almost never happens!" Another time, while most of the class was chattering, she zeroed in on me and yelled "Someone with grades like yours can't afford to be talking in class!" Amusingly, she called my parents in for a conference to advise them that I wasn't smart enough to handle academic-level science, not having considered that cowering in fear from my teacher might have something to do with it. As I recall, she was later fired for saying to a student "Are you stupid or something?"

The speech this troper's father delivered was what finally nailed his status as a hypocritical jerkass in my family. It basically was about how none of us helped out at home. Mum could rebut him since she does ''all'' the indoor chores, but me and my sister weren't so lucky - he reasoned that since we were still in school, it meant that we just hanged around all day doing nothing. Never mind that my sister had a stressful part-time job, or that both of us studied most of the time we were home. When I pointed the latter he just said "But who's paying for your books?", implying that ''he'' was the sole reason I even had them (ignoring that most of them were from the library or paper copies). Did I mention that he's never asked any of us others for help, despite knowing it'd only take one question for us to do so? Or that he kept passive-aggressively implying that 1. we were stupid, 2. he was unappreciated and 3. he should just leave. The hypocritical bit comes in how he not only does his chores poorly or leaves them unfinished, but also how he never helps when mum needs it - that's always up to me and my sister. The crowning moment? Realizing after he left that he only did this ''because he wanted to play golf.'' Yes, this troper is bitter.

And you have a good reason to be bitter.

This troper's favorite (up until the moment the following speech happened) high school teacher (who was teaching Italian and history [Italian troper here]) one faithful day decide to utterly and completely destroy almost all the admiration and awe this troper used to have for his brain (he was a hell of a fantastic teacher, prepared, respected, making interesting lessons, intelligent ... he was great, really) announcing to her that she could never hope to be at his intellectual level not because she was a student and he a teacher but because she was "historically, mentally, genetically, intellectually and physically inferior" since she was born female. He then provided a 15 minutes long explanation of his points, completely wasting this troper break-time and rendering her absolutely speechless.

This troper gave one to his father in seventh grade and in public after being chewed out by him, basically stating all the reasons he was a bad parent. It's something I still feel guilty about.

This troper has a bad habit of dishing these out to people she hates with a ''powerful'' passion, especially after calling her things like 'dumb', 'ugly' and 'immature' (which is ironic because a good 99.9% of the people who tell her this are ugly, dumb, and/or immature themselves). Unfortunately, said people turn around and give ''her'' the speech, acting like they're doing her a favor by doing so. And then people always wonder why this troper is forever loathing people...

This Troper was the poster child for BrilliantButLazy (or at least Quite Intelligent But Apathetic) back in high school, so whenever I brought home a bad grade my mom would launch into a lecture of epic proportions. While she meant well enough, she would usually be incredibly angry while making the speech. I vividly remember that her ScareEmStraight depictions of what happens to people who don't get into college as well as her incredibly disappointed tone of voice managed to bring me to ''tears'', and certainly didn't help the depression I was already facing at that point. I wish I could say the lectures helped me any, but they really didn't, and I eventually grew out of being so lazy on my own. To a lesser extent, many of my bad habits have been repeatedly called out by not only my mom but my ''little brother'' of all people.

Are you me?

This troper is intelligent but not a very good worker and tends to get epic speeches like this from his mom ("You don't do anything right" being one of my favorite lines) when he gets a less than satisfactory grade (which I don't like either, despite what she thinks) Unfortunately, this trick has been used so many times I can appear completely unaffected, while mom tears up. This has actually made my relationship with my mom far worse, so much so that now I barely even talk to her. She also loves implying that I will fail utterly if I don't follow her every word. Yeah, I'm bitter.

This troper is in exactly the same situation, even when I do all I can to help her. The most recent one was yesterday, when one of my attempts to help her at work was thanked with a speech laying out all of what she considers my flaws. (TedBaxter, FatBastard, TheLoad, and numerous others.) I don't believe her, but that still doesn't stop her from rehashing them daily.

Similar to the above two tropers, last year I got bad grades. In response, my mother gave me this speech every single day, not just on my grades, but on how I sucked at basically every aspect of my life, including how my interest in media was a waste of time because I was too stupid to get in. When I tried to go out with friends, she said we were too busy. When I went out anyway without asking her, she went to the police. When I shut myself in my room to get away, she said I was getting a literal addiction to my laptop despite not being able to see what I was doing, since the door was shut. When she wondered why I was depressed, I told her, and suddenly she didn't care about my mental state so much as she did about trying to justify herself, changing the subject, and overall avoiding admitting she had done anything wrong/damaging or having to change her behaviour, and the speeches continued. Fortunately, they mostly stopped when I came back to school. I'm planning on moving far, far away and not only has my relationship with her been broken beyond repair, but my relationships with my brother, father and grandmother have taken serious hits as well for completely ignoring the situation, even after I'd asked them for help.

Alex?

This troper's father once gave him a prolonged explanation as to why he would suck at life, based upon said troper's failure to help with the mowing.

This troper is only good at giving these in writing. Otherwise he gives them with his fists, and sometimes he talks pretty damn hard.

When the brain fails, violence escalates. That's why you fail.

Which speech is worse?? I can't tell.

This troper did this to his last boss, saying, "If you insist on knowing why I am no longer willing to work for your company, I suggest that you find a mirror. You know next to nothing about modern technology. You spend absolutely no time designing your software. You write your specifications on the backs of napkins. I have to play '20 Questions' with you every time you want a new feature, because you have no idea what in Hell's name you actually want until I've wasted half an hour talking with you. Worst of all, you ascribe to the Gunnery Sergeant Hartmann school of management; bullying is the only way you know how to motivate your employees, and you then have the nerve to wonder why ''morale is in the fucking shitter!'' Now, give me my last paycheck and stop wasting my time."

That was.....AWESOME! *shakes hands with above troper*

This troper has had years of problems with her stepfather, especially after he's been drinking. It's led to rare visits and even rarer phone calls. During a rare visit, in which she had to get new auto insurance (this becomes important), he promised to be back to the house in time to take her to the airport to head back to the state she's living in. Three hours after the plane took off, he showed up, drunk off his ass. This troper lost it when he stumbled up to her and asked why she was angry. She laid into him, stating that his complete lack of thought for other people when he was drinking led to the divorce with her mother, along with the alienation of his family. He got up in her face, and started on a rant about her auto insurance paperwork. She told him what she knew, and he called her a c* nt. She slapped him.

I give myself one every couple hours or so. It hurts.

This Troper feels your pain. It borderlines HeroicSelfDeprecation. Only with less hero and more suck.

I delivered a few in my high school years, in keeping with my image of a magnificent bastard. If delivered correctly these things are devastating, and can really demoralise people. I made people change subjects because I gave them such speeches. Since growing up a little I now only deliver them to myself on a daily basis to remind myself of just why you shouldn't give them to other people.

The fear of getting this kind of speech is why this troper is afraid to ask his professors for help during their office hours.

Seconded.

Thirded.

Of course, if you did ask for their help and they give you one, the very fact that you had the balls to ask for help anyways, knowing full well that you might get one of these, is what makes you succeed at life and everyone else who is too much of a coward get help when they need it suck. In other words, if they do give a "reason you suck" speech, you can instantly turn it on its head into a "reason you win" speech, giving yourself a CrowningMomentOfAwesome.

This Tropette and her friend wrote a series of as of yet unpublished superhero comics, starring a pair of author avatars (I'm the villain, she's the hero). The villain was in the middle of a indignant speech with lots of "You Suck" undertones. Half way through, the hero shoots the villain in the head. ShutUpHannibal, indeed.

This troper was given one by a little SmugSnake/wannabe ObstructiveBureaucrat she used to chat with, suddenly, in the middle of an IRC channel about two years ago. It was actually, believe it or not, the first hint she ever got that this dude might actually be insane -- even the fact that he considered himself to have a wolf soul seemed almost normal to her by that point, and possibly because the speech was delivered rather poorly -- though his speech did make her feel like ''she'' was the crazy one.

This troper has dealt with a passive-aggressive patronizing older sister for his entire life and has yet to give one of these. It's somewhere between being a nice person and knowing that if one of these is delivered, he will have to deal with a passive-aggressive woman who hates him. Hell hath no fury, indeed.

This troper has the tendency to give out mini-ones ("Say it in eight words or less, pardner") but I once managed to get in a five-minute rant to someone who identifies himself as French Canadian that can speak French (even though he doesn't know what he's saying in French half the time and the other half he's mispronouncing it) but has a redneck (not Southern, redneck) accent and a wit about as bright as a black hole. As a former citizen of a certain state in the Midwest, however, I had to end it with "...and bagged milk is for Wisconsinites." (Irony-- in Hetalia, Canada's the one giving America a similar speech).

This troper has recently begun getting these everyday from her mother, after changing her program to Pre-Med. Saying something as innocent as, "Crud. I lost my calculator," can launch her into an hour-long TheReasonYouSuckSpeech - which always begins with, "See? THIS is why you can't be a doctor!"

This troper had a French teacher who gave a positively epic TheReasonYouSuckSpeech in eighth grade. On the first day, she went on and on about how she loved teaching French 2 because kids were more mature and dedicated to the language. Well, after an entire year of half of the class goofing off, loudly, while making liberal use of certain colorful aspects of the French language that she immediately regretted teaching us, she spent the entire last class session berating people on a case-by-case basis, and how we ruined her favorite aspect of her job by being immature jerks with no respect for the language. It was epic, and since I was one of the quiet kids who didn't get yelled at, I wish I had it on tape.

This troper gets these from her father, her stepmother, and her grandmother. Grades are an especially popular subject. They are also fond of blaming the computer for nearly '''everything''' that's wrong with this troper.

Oh, hell, me too if it's because you're BrilliantButLazy

I actually gave one of these at a poetry slam (my 3rd), in the form of a beat poem, expressing how much the following things sucked: The format of the slam, the predictability of the poems' themes, the poor information given to newcomers, the bias in the judging, & the poetry of one specific recurring slam-attendee (intentionally mimicking & lampshading his style). Got my best audience response from all 3 slams, but also my lowest scores from the judges. Go figure.

This BritTroper has had a few of these... Two from a French teacher, one from an English teacher, three from his mother (Who is really quite nice outside of these), and to top it off... '''ONE FROM HIS 7-YEAR-OLD COUSIN'''. The French teacher harped on at me twice about not wanting to continue French into GCSE level, the English teacher, from a different school, called him out on wanting to drop AS English Language (Even going as far as to say "Say goodbye to your hopes and dreams, lazy boy." The three from his mother were for forgetting to do simple things (apparently memory capacity is a good thing... Too bad her memory's going, huh? And the one from my little cousin... Was because I was spending ''too much'' time studying.

"Something like you should've been aborted" and "Why don't you kill yourself already, you useless cow?" from This Troper's grade 5 and 6 teacher.

Please tell me they were fired.

This shy troper has two particularly grating examples (Pathetically, or perhaps not so bad, on the Internet. But it's the ideas that count!) that really chew on the back of their head with how unfair it is.

The first one came from a person I really used to admire a LOT. They had the same viewpoints on gender identity, sextism, art style, and some of social commentary, just like me. I was following them for two years, and even they watched me on one defunct art website. Too bad I've been plagued by crippling shyness all my life. WELL. One day I decided to say hi. Good gravy. I don't know what happened, but while in the past I'd make fun of furries and shit, maybe crack a dark joke or two (I didn't know they were silently watching me back!), they completely shit themselves. Person says;

I made fun of them (WTF, no. I'm too shy, remember?)

I was actively making fun of them for being otherkin (Uh...I didn't realize that. I saw them being sensitive over thinking they're actually cartoon animals on the astral plane, though.)

I was judging them and essentially, they put untrue words in my mouth

I quote, "BAAAAWWWW-" (Urgh, they wrote that, alright.) "-BUT WHO CARES I'M JUST A GROUCHY OLD BIPOLAR OTHERKIN WHO NEEDS WINGSNUGS"

Multiply all that by five.

While it was only online, I had never been so utterly confused and overly hurt by these untrue accusations, and by a person I probably liked best, no less! I was so horribly disturbed on so, so many levels, I still think about it too much and have to shudder, even a year or two later. Creepy, creepy.

Next one, a bit later just pissed me off because some person I kept calling out on their shit kept denying what they were doing, trying to re-target me, using petty name calling and blatant, blatant, BLATANT, glaring hypocrisy. I gave up after they tried to "call me out" on old grudges they were holding, and petty name calling like "retard". The part that pissed me off the most was I'd show it to people that were defending this person, and they'd say nothing but try to make excuses.

Finally, this same ol' troper would love to deliver a good speech on this, but it's the Internet. I'd probably feel a lot better, but I cut off from that group (Should've done sooner. Blargh.). This troper would like to commend all of you that have retaliated with your own [=CMoA=] TRYS-es.

This editor actually gave one of these to a JerkJock bully she knew in high school and considers it her CMoA. After being harassed for absolutely no reason (seriously, I never said two words to the guy!) for the entire first semester of freshman year, on the very last day of that semester I finally had enough of his shit after being told I wasn't loved by my parents (totally untrue) and was going to grow up to be married to an idiot and bare retarded children: #QUOTE#'''Me:''' Y'know what? I wouldn't talk if I were you! You, yourself, are the result of two idiots - do you ever even listen to yourself before opening that huge fuckin' mouth of yours? I can wipe my ass with your piss-poor grades and yet you say you're above me?! Also, at least I was planned. By the way, you try to be cool and you're not - so stop acting like a wigger. #QUOTE#'''JerkJock:''' *jaw hits the floor* ::My teachers told me that they noticed his harassment of me and other kids and decided to put us in different classes, so when I realized this was gonna be the last time I saw his at face, I took stride in it, thus causing the speech. They actually ''approved of my speech'' and now the kid has get dailies (which are slips of paper telling you if your kid is doing good in class) much to his extreme embarrassment. Owned.:

This troper was subjected to a whole slew of these as he was taking part in a competition with an old friend/foe and tried to show everyone how great he is. And you know what. It was deserved. Even if it took me a long time to realize that. Funny how that goes.

I have been subject to a couple of these before. All of them have been from my dad. The most recent, and glaring, incident, happened several months ago. My dad was drunk (as usual) and angry (as usual). In his mind, I was a lazy, freeloading jackass who would never amount to anything because I wasn't enrolled in college (I had been, but a Financial Aid screw-up caused me to have to wait a semester before attending), didn't have a job (we live in Michigan, which has the highest unemployment rate in the country), and I didn't pay him rent (how the hell can I pay rent with no job?) Furthermore, he was afraid that ''I was going to become a serial killer'' because I collect swords and knives. Seriously. I'm one of the least violent people I know, and collect blades purely for aesthetic value. By this point, I'd had enough. I responded thusly: #QUOTE#'''Me:''' You know what? Fuck you. How the hell do you think you have any room to talk? You've been falling-down drunk for a week straight, you spend your days screaming at Joyce (his girlfriend) for no reason, you can barely even fucking stand up! I've told you before, I '''want''' a job. I '''want''' to go to college. Things don't always work out the way they should, though. You want to have a reasonable, rational discussion about me getting a job or going to college? Fine. We'll have one when you're sober, when you make any sense at all. Until then, shut the hell up and leave me alone.

I usually end up getting these from my mom. They can be easily ignored and range from "you look like an old granny dressed like that" to "you isolate yourself to much and that's why you have no friends" to "why aren't you perfect?" Thankfully they only come when my mother is stressed or irritated.

This troper gets them from her mother for getting a "B" in school.

This troper gave one to a teacher at the end of grade 8, having had just about enough of him. I can't recall the details, but it essentially stated that he was the most useless and condescending teacher I had ever had the misfortune to be stuck in a room with, and that I would have learnt far more if I had barricaded myself in the library for the year. The rest of the class was rather startled.

This troper is in band and is stuck there with an apparently semi-closet gay Latino kid that frequently speaks in a high-pitched voice, ''FLIRTS WITH ME'', and keeps acting like he's the drum major even though he's not. The speech that I wish to give him is thus: #QUOTE# Me: Will you, for ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, shut the hell up? I am SICK of you acting like this! You may think that acting like you do is funny, but it's not! It's annoying! There are a bunch of other people in this band that agree that you're gay, and I'm not afraid to say it either! You're an embarrassment to all of us and if you're not going to take band seriously, then you need to GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS CLASS. ::He probably just does it to annoy me, but several other people have also told him to shut up on more than one occasion.:

Being gay is definitely not a reason to receive a ReasonYouSuckSpeech. And it seems like that's the only reason you want to give one to him (your post can be summed up as "Wahhmbulance, a boy's flirting with me!"). Gays have one of the highest rates of depression and suicide. Why? Because we live in a society where we get called out on our sexual orientation. He may be a total joke, but from what you've written, you've emphasized that his orientation is your problem with him.

Polite disagreement. You can call someone out when they act like a complete {{Camp Gay}} caricature. Purposeful high-pitched voice and unwanted hitting on people(if said troper were a girl, we'd call it harassment) makes a mockery of homosexuality and reinforces silly stereotypes. Much as the troper's formulation has {{Unfortunate Implications}}, it's a sad fact that many semi-closeted young gay people feel uncomfortable about coming out and try to use said act as a testing ground/subtle indicator to see how their peers will react instead of opting for the serious talk. In the end this approach does more bad than good.

Flirting is not the same as harassment and I am fairly certain that the above troper would not apply the same standards to a guy flirting with a girl as he would to a gay guy flirting with a guy.

Its called harassment whatever the gender

He may be the one who sucks cocks, but you are definitely the one who actually sucks here.

I felt guilty as hell for saying it, but it was justified. I guess. Me and another were doing work experience, he kept telling me what to do. I already knew what to do, and I was doing it while he was telling me what to do. Finally I snapped. #QUOTE# "For gods sake, shut the hell up and let me do my job, okay? This in my hand? This right here? This is a list of instructions on what I have to do, in case you haven't noticed, I can read and I KNOW what I'm supposed to do. Furthermore, we have both been working for the exact same amount of time, and I'm the one who manages to shut up long enough to actually get some work done, so if anything I should be telling YOU what to do! And you know what? I am! Shut up and do some fucking work!"

I felt guilty because this guy was actually really nice, and while he was annoying as hell, he never really meant to be. The kind of guy who you want to tell to fuck off and leave you alone, but you just don't have the heart to. Ah well.

Something like that happened to me. So I calmly said "You can't rush perfection" and he shut up because he knew I was right.

This troper has delivered quite a few. All impromptu in response to attacks by others, a few examples:

This one ghettofied kid in my school would attempt to harass my friends and I before classes started in the morning with idiotic raps so I fired off one back at him "You go around rapping and saying 'I'm invisible'/Nobody here respects you, not even the principal/You're a joke/Your family's broke/You save for a month to buy a buck twenty-five Coke/I could go on, but I've already won this little rap battle you started/But I'll let you have a rebuttal since I've got sympathy for the retarded."

A couple years later after things had exploded between my dad and I, and I'd moved out of the house (long story), he came over to the place I'm living completely uninvited for the third time that week to try to guilt trip and harass me. I was calm and collected, and he was throwing out emotional statements and logical fallacies all over the place. These included saying that I was acting like a brat for leaving. I don't remember my full response in order to quote it here, but the high point was when I told him: "You're forty-seven, I'm nineteen. How come I'M the one acting like an adult, and you're bitching like a fucking child. You're pathetic. You always tried to instill maturity and reason in me, but instead of talking out our issues, you scream and deny my emotions and never once think about anyone but yourself. You're not a man. You're not even acting like a boy. I don't know what you are, but your efforts to 'fix' things? You're only showing me just how broken you are. You disgust me. Get the fuck out and don't return until you can at least match the maturity of a kindergartener."

Last one (for now): I was at my mom's house (parents divorced when I was less than a year old, and I was raised by my dad) and she starts yelling at me for not helping her out with chores that she'd actively told me she was going to take care of because she wanted them done just the right way less than an hour before. I refuse. She starts screaming and swearing and I, without raising my voice, tell her that I'm leaving. The situation goes on for a few more minutes and I tell her how disgusted I and my grandmother are about certain things she'd done around that time, but I don't think I need to get into those. She's trying to deliver one of these speeches to me, but as I'm about to walk out the door I floor her in two sentences, sending her into an even worse rage as I walk away, "Even if all the things you claim are true, which they aren't, I have not once raised my voice this morning, nor am I screaming insults and obscenities well within earshot of my three year old baby sister. You are a horrible woman and do not deserve to be a mother, and I will be calling CPS on you for Tara's sake when I get to a phone." I haven't said two words to her since. Unfortunately, however, CPS did not see the yelling alone as enough to rescue my sister since my mom is not a physically abusive woman, nor does she have any addictions. Still, cathartic as hell.

Will the above troper please marry me?

This troper's high school teachers LOVED giving these, though he's only seen it played straight once.

The time it was played straight was by a recent hire who was teaching math, who since ''all'' his classes were doing terribly, decided it was our fault. Needless to say this ended with him giving us a massive TheReasonYouSuckSpeech that turned into a rather epic ShutUpHannibal from about nine people.

This troper also had a history teacher who was fired for unrelated reasons (Left a student who, on a trip abroad, had lost his passport behind. At the US embassy, but still). He would frequently give these about historical figures and occasionally other people/teachers. And then shoot a crossbow into the wall over our heads, kick something into the ceiling, or swing a sword around. It was both awesome and terrifying.

And finally this troper had a Latin teacher who did this once, reducing a student in another class almost to tears when she let him know she'd be missing class, only to laugh and say he was joking, and then wonder idly if he went to far before walking off.

This troper gave one of these to an ex-boyfriend in the middle of a crowded [=McDonald's=] on a Friday afternoon, in front of his mates. I told him that I finally understood my obsession with Ida Maria's 'I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked', and after listing all his faults and the reasons that his real crush would never love him proceeded to explain that he was the living embodiment of the line "Okay, you're kind of sexy/But you're not really special." Of course, the reason he'd moved on was because he'd found a less intelligent, skinnier guy, but still, it was satisfying.

My grade five teacher had a partially brutal (and painfully common) punishment where he would write down a short version of this relevant to both the victim in general and the current offence and make the victim rewrite it again and again. The lowest amount of lines I ever saw written was 10 and the highest was 100. Thankfully I didn't ever have to do more than 30.

One boy at this troper's school gets these from multiple people every day for being fat, lazy, hypocritical, a JerkAss, lacking human empathy and a sense of personal space and a basic knowledge of what is and isn't socially acceptable and he knows he's all these things and doesn't care. He can take the flurry of insults from most people but this troper (who was rarely a victim but often saw his friends suffering) used his skill at psychology and natural stoicness to deliver a deconstructive takedown of why he's what he is in complete monotone. The JerkAss managed to keep it together but his facial expressions during the speech told me I had hit a few nerves.

This troper has a similar issue with a boy in her class. He just won't shut up about his favourite show and give us space. He doesn't understand personal space, basic knowledge of what's expected in public. He gets The Reason You Suck shots every day over his issues and habits which are quite annoying and he still doesn't listen.

This Troper just gave one to her brother because when she was wearing her pants low to aviod her mom he called her "gross". What was he wearing at the time? Only his boxers. She proceeded to pick apart his wardrobe choices and question his mental capacity because he is unable to correctly use a belt. Her mom though the speech she gave him was funny. As a side note: I don't have a problem with people who wear their pants low, but I hate hypocrites.

Me, My friend and my teacher (a little) gave a jerk in our class this speech after he was nasty for 1 1/2 years. We told him that we didn't like him, and if he didn't shape up then next year in high school his reputation would precede him and he'd have no friends. My teacher mostly chimed in with "they're right". Also, we were the ones getting in trouble. He put on a brave face during, but after he cried.

During a ping-pong 'tournament' I was down 13 to 5 against a person who was quite a bit more skilled than I was. Because I happen to wear glasses, that same person was commenting on how I could possibly expect to beat him when I couldn't see straight and other similarly infuriating statements. Two points go by, it's 15 to 7 (we played to 21, not 15). I, unlike other trops, have some mental failing that prevents me from remembering verbatim what was said, but the gist of it was this:

"I'm glad that you can win a game of ping-pong against somebody that's only played for six weeks. But I've beaten you down in basketball, in tennis, in trivia, in grades, in all your video games, and if you ever were to try I could take you in fencing, wrestling, track, football, and in life in general. But again, I'm glad you can win a game of ping-pong. I can sing better, act better, speak better, punch harder, yet I won't die faster while smoking or putting crap in my mouth so my mouth rots out. So I'm glad that you can win a game of ping-pong, but just because you can doesn't mean you will." I win the round, 21 to 17.

You sir, are a FUCKING LEGEND!

I love you. Marry me.

This troper received one from a teacher convinced he was feigning illness after being away from school for a while, due to actual illness.

This troper had his mom give one of these ages ago (I was about 11 at the time). It all started when she was doing laundry, and saw that I had an "accident" in my pants (Perfect honest accident, though; I was over in a corner of my room sorting out some stuff when nature called, but I failed to get back over all my stuff and to the bathroom in time). She just went off on me; automatically assuming that it was because I was playing Sonic & Knuckles Collection so much that I was too lazy to even get up in the middle of the game for something like that. I tried to explain my side of the story, but it was quickly brushed off as being a lie to cover my tracks, as she continued to go on about how I'm lazy and didn't do anything outside of watch TV and play video games all day long; even going as far as to demand I uninstall Sonic because it was "taking up too much space on our PC's hard drive" (Nevermind the fact our PC has a 6.8GB hard drive, while the game only takes up 5MB). Thankfully, she hasn't given me one since.

This one may overlap with a RantInducingSlight. I once gave one of these on Facebook that was indirectly aimed at 4Chan. My friend, a possible /b/tard, was making fun of Christianity ''again'', and so... #QUOTE#"NO YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU, INTERNET. YOU'RE ALL JUST SCARED THAT [Muslims] WILL BLOW YOU UP. SO YOU PICK ON US BECAUSE [Christians] ARE GENERALLY HARMLESS. YOU KNOW WHAT, FINE! YOU JUST KEEP GOING NOWHERE IN LIFE, WATCHING YOUR LOLICON AND GETTING ALL THE KEYS ON YOUR KEYBOARD ALL STICKY AND GROSS, MAKING ASSPULL JOKES ABOUT PICTURES OF CATS, AND GENERALLY GETTING NOWHERE IN LIFE BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO BUSY SCREWING YOURSELVES OVER AND GIVING THE INTERNET A BAD NAME. FUCK. YOU."

I know that it must have been a touchy subject for you and that guy did a bad thing mocking your religion, but your speech came off as kind of rascist. "Muslims will blow you up"? Also, christians are generally harmless!? And before you go on and on about how this doesn't apply to all Christians, you should know that "blowing stuff up" doesn't apply to all Muslims.

I think he was referencing /b/'s view, rather than RealLife.

Honestly counterproductive, as any true /b/tard would merely accrue lulz from your reaction, and reply with Cool Story, Bro or something similar.

This troper recalls a certain forum moderator (who also happened to be the creator of the "MORNIN'" YoutubePoop fad). He typed a few screens' worth of text in one of these against someone else whom he banned from an RPG for not understanding the rules. (Of course, given the SmallNameBigEgo nature of this mod, this hardly surprised anyone; it turned out that he had done this to several different people and been repeatedly demoted and re-promoted. And then he posted a mostly-innocent joke about the British and got perma-banned by a suddenly irate administrator.)

This troper have given several to bullies (mine and others) over the years, the first one as a seven-year-old. It tends to give anyone who have yet to see or know of this reaction to my BerserkButton a terrified look, seeing as I'm usually a not-particulary-scary CloudCuckooLander.

This troper is unfortunately prone to giving speeches to the effect of reasons why ''I'' suck.

In her Algebra II class last year, this Troper and her entire class got this speech from our teacher for 20 MINUTES. Now, this speech was given to us because almost the entire class failed our last test. Instead of considering that maybe her teaching method for that chapter hadn't been very effective, she blamed US for not trying hard enough. I have to restrain myself from throwing her a venomous glare anymore and she is the reason I opted not to take a math class this year. I felt a little better, though, since I later discovered that almost the entire student body that has had her as a teacher despises her. How she still has a job there is beyond me. Oh, and she gave the lecture to us in a tone that made me feel like she thought I was 3. She also crossed the line once, saying something along the lines of "Do you want it to say on your tombstone that 'I Didn't Try Hard Enough'?" I could have suckerpunched her in the uterus for it, my GOD.

This Troper (who is a Animation student) had a instucter who went off one day in class for 45 minutes. The instructer is a former designer "Reduced to teaching" in his words. During the alloted assignment turn-in time, a small number of students incorrectly named their assignments. This led to the aforementioned rant which started off well, with a "You can't do stuff like this in the professional world", but then quickly led to a rant as to how we are lucky to be at the school we are, how we weren't as good as students at "real" art schools, and how the Animation students in class were "just copying from art books, drawing anime character ripoffs, and how we were just going to end up living at home, working minimum wage, and would never account to anything". Needless to say, several student, including myself, complained, and he is on his last legs as an instructer.

The Tambourine Man once gave one to another student. While said student was hitting me.

I had the occasion to give a relatively mild one to another student. I'm filming a movie for school, and he's the editor, who has been heckling me throughout shooting, so at the end I turned to him and said "You didn't want to direct a movie, don't try to tell me what the fuck I should do. You didn't help once during the writing process, when everyone else on the group at the very least read it, and they know what it's about. You have no fucking idea what you're doing, and the movie you made last year was the most pathetic excuse for a romantic movie I've seen. Please get the fuck out of my face and let me do my fucking job, you incompetent fuck."

This troperoo gets a little five minute one at least once a class from his band teacher (although it was directed towards the class, not specifically me) about how we talk to much in between playing. In a similar vein, I also get some from most of my teachers (I am a smart, well-behaved kid. My classmates, however...).

Are you me? No seriously, this describes my whole entire 8th grade year perfectly.

This troperette once told off one of the bullies (who cheated a lot and got straight A's off the effort of others and various other things) picking on a fellow bookworm: #QUOTE# Me: I don't know exactly why you do it, but I do know exactly how a lot of people feel around you. You are a vampire of the lowest degree, feeding off of others who do not deserve your treatment. It's simply amazing that you made it all this way to sixth grade without being caught and expelled. You are a vicious worm. You are vermin. You do not deserve to be enrolled in this noble institute of learning. I shall now take the liberty of reporting your various wrongdoings to the principal. And we shall thus see if you stay.

He got expelled. And, yes, I use big words when I am angry.

Marry me! I can translate, you can live in Brazil, I'll give you all the Brazilian barbecue you could ever want!

This troper has received more than his fare share from his father, who is a monumental asshole that has done a lot of wrong in his life and regrets none. The worst part is that even though I know that his arguments are logical fallacies that don't actually make sense, his skill as a salesman seems to have imbued him with voice}} a voice that suppresses independent thought leaving any attempts at a comeback a desperate flail at best, playing right into his argument at worst. Know what usually happens? Got Worse}} It gets worse.

This troper's father is very, very fond of handing these to her for the most insignificant of reasons. He often wonders why this troper spends so much time in her room (to get away from ''him'', dammit!)... this troper can't ''wait'' until she can afford to move out, and is planning on getting a cat as Dad-repellent because said JerkAss is allergic (and because she has wanted a cat since forever).

Despite losing almost 80% of all his games of Warhammer 40k, this Troper has never received this lecture from anyone other than his father, WHO DOESN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE GAME! Said lecture made me realise my tactics are (no polite way to put this) crap and I vowed to start again with a new army and new tactics. Still keep losing. Mode}} Thank you, dice, for making my team lose the schools league regional finals.

This troper's mother once gave one of these to said troper, to the tune of "you're my most selfish child". The reason? This troper had a habit of forgetting to return borrowed shampoo, and that day had accidentally put a dark-colored sock in with the white laundry. She then went on to accuse this troper of being a slacker for supposedly failing German class, even though the grade in question was the first low grade earned (half-way through the semester). Episodes like this are why this troper and her mother don't have the ''best'' relationship anymore.

This troper began recieving these speeches two to three times a day from her mother sometime around fifth grade, usually centering around a dish left out or a command/grounding she'd never heard before being "purposefully ignored," generally involving the words "Useless lazy fucking cunt" and culminating with some outburst to the effect of "I'm going to go kill myself because of you," at which point said troper's mother would grab some implement, lock herself in her room, barricade all windows and entrances so it couldn't be seen into, and remain deathly quiet for hours while Tropey sat against the door and apologized through her tears. Possible subversion in that after a few dozen fake suicides, she stopped caring what the outcome wasand began recognizing that period as unmonitored time with a playstation.

This Troper apparently pulled one of these on his Tenth grade History teacher, or at least so claims my girlfriend and one of our mutual friends. I can vaguely remember correcting him, and maybe calling him an idiot at one point, but I spent more time in class reading than paying attention anyways. On the plus side, it was one of the things that first attracted my girlfriend and the teacher didn't last the first quarter, so all's well than ends well, I suppose...

You know you're a Scorpio with Saturn in the seventh house when your natal chart reads like a TheReasonYouSuckSpeech. Although perhaps AgentMulder would say it's what this troper deserves for looking up her chart just to prove that astrology can share an abbreviation with Bachelor of Science.

This pretty much sums up everything that comes out of this troper's mom's mouth. It's either 'you're fat', 'you're stupid', or 'the internet is making you dumb'--and this in particular while she's sitting there watching near-braindead fake-tan morons do absolutely nothing on TV.

This troper's father has this as a second language. It could be about grades (the best they've been in months) or chores (I'm the only kid who does shit at that house) or the computer (apparently I talk to my mom too much). Today my mom gave one back. It was the greatest speech I had ever heard. It included the fact that he's batshit insane, he sounded like he had rabies, ad that every other word was a swear. My dad's response? No idea. He hung up.

This troper is currently making a game using RPG maker, since all of the main character's lines are chosen by the player, the game keeps track of your mistakes. And the final boss gives you an EPIC TheReasonYouSuckSpeech, because he isn't just explaining story events, he's explaining each and every single one of your character flaws back to you. Including everyone who died to get you this far.

That sounds ''completely awesome''. I want to play that now!

This Troper's friend Adelle did this to TheLibby on the last day of school

This troper had a classmate who was, suffice it to say, the most annoying person he has ever met in his life. So, one day, he simply got fed up with everything that his classmate said and, while grabbing his collar, pushing him down in his chair and probably staring at him with the wildest eyes I've ever had, I delivered a speech that, later on, earned me a lot of pats on the back and actually the classmate being expelled. Good thing the teachers were able to hear me.

The speech went a little something like: "Just once, for once in your whole miserable life, would you learn to SHUT THE FUCK UP? Nobody cares for your discriminating jokes, you can't solve the problems because, oh let's see here...YOU'RE A MORON?! Is your ENTIRE EXISTENCE made up on the basis of ANNOYING OTHER PEOPLE?! Even the SIMPLEST forms of education would be too much for the likes of you! I can't even believe that our teachers are wasting their time to even TRY to educate YOU! You don't care either way! Bah!" Then I shoved him back and stormed off. Felt good, that bit. Mind you that this troper is a GentleGiant most of the time.

This Tropette once gave one to a friend of hers. The friend in question was a great friend, except for the fact that he could be a bit full of himself sometimes. He is very intelligent, and so am I. The thing is that he is good at math and science related subjects, while I am good at language, history, civics and things like that. The problem was that he had this habit of behaving like I was inferior to him because he somehow thought that it was better to be good at "his subjects" than mine (I guess he thought they were more imortant or something). And for a long time he didn't even realise how offensive his behaviour was, or that I found it hurtful. Until one day, when he was being unusually obnoxious and I just snapped and told him in no uncertain terms why I seriously considered making him an ex-friend. While I realise that it wasn't very nice of me, every word I said was true and he needed to hear it. It actually saved our friendship.

This Tropes gave one to himself when talking to a girl he liked: #QUOTE# Guys like me never talk to girls like you. Girls like you are smart and funny and pretty and surrounded by friends, while guys like me are losers with just that one friend. Girls like you intimidate guys like me so much, we seize up with fear when you even address our existence.

This troper's Grade Eight teacher shouted these at us all the time. She was pregnant, and to be fair, we were quite the chatty bunch, but even small things set her off, and she would shout at everyone even if only a few people were causing the problem. She would also shout at us for things that made me feel helpless, like when no one in the class would volunteer for something after school hours because they had other commitments and I had either already volunteered or also had another commitment. Needless to say, this troper now hates shouting in general.

This Troper, being an Actual Pacifist and Knight in Sour Armor, uses this as his Mode of Operations when his Unstoppable Rage peaks.

Dealing with an EvilCripple room mate that combined the worst of SmugSnake, TedBaxter, and UngratefulBastard led to this troper starting to return his passive-aggressive whining with a variety of quick snips of his own. When discovering the unpleasant fellow did not celebrate Mother's Day after his mom drove up to school, gave him food, and ''cleaned the fricking bathroom''... #QUOTE# '''Me:''' Seriously, you are the worst person I have ever met. That woman does ''everything'' for you and you don't even fucking thank her? What the hell do you think gives you the right to act like that? News flash, jackass, ''you rely on others for everything in your life'', but you ''never'' thank ANYBODY for ANYTHING! Jesus, it's no wonder you don't have any friends. Everything revolves around ''you'', doesn't it? You are the most entitled, ungrateful, selfish, spiteful little douchebag I've ever heard of, and you're damn lucky your mom is kind enough to take that shit from you. If you were my kid, you'd have been out on your ass long ago."

This troper had a dream several years ago about a former friend. In the dream, the friend came back for high school (which wasn't supposed to happen in real life) and was going around telling everyone that me and her were fine and that we were best friends again. I finally got to her and asked her what was going on. She said "It's only for your good. This way we won't have to fight any more and we won't be driving our other friends apart." I grabbed her by the wrist, dragged her out of the classroom, and pinned her against the wall. I then proceeded to give her The Reason You Suck speech, complete with profanity (I never curse.) All I remember of the speech were the last words of it. "There are some things about you that I don't understand, and there are some things about me you don't understand. Maybe one day we'll find out. I don't know. But what I do know is that there is one thing you will -never- even come -close- to understanding, and that is how much I despise you." I threw her to the ground, stormed back into the classroom, breathing hard, and sat there thinking "This is real. I can't believe I just did that. But this can't be a dream." And then I woke up. The next time I talked to that friend in real life, I gave her what I could remember of that speech (sans the violence and profanity) and never spoke to her again.

This troper gave one to one of his former friends (that was The Libby ) on Facebook that was still treating him horribly. "Hey [Insert name here], I've been seriously having a problem with you. Before I was trying to be mature and just keep quiet but you had to be a bitch (which isn't new to you at all) about everything and now I'm not gonna deal with this silently. First off, are you a sadist or something for people's misery? Cause it seems like you are. It seems to me that you are a hurtful person that just wants to see the misfortune of others. Oh and what's with that childish act? Your a friggin teenager. You need to grow up like the rest of us. I mean seriously. You need to realize that your group just follows you just because you have all this dirt on them. When I look at you I don't see a person but something that's troubled that wants to hurt others mentally and your just an ugly, sick, twisted empty shell that used to be known as a human being. I personally don't hate you. What with all the mental torture you and your boy toy you go to one after another and your group put me through you would think that. Actually I pity you. Yes. You seem to have insecurity issues that have left you with the suspicion that if you don't act all cutesy and girly, all those paranoia stuff you fear will come true. All in all, your just a big joke. Please note that I don't really care if the cost of this is all of my friends. At least I stood up to her what with all the blackmailing, the torture, and the lies she's done to possibly every single one of you."

Not mine, but read in the Scary Devil Monastary. The set-up is they're doing an upgrade to their failing financial systems, and the vendor - despite the client paying for weekend tech support - has told them ''not'' to call on Sunday for help:

Call the helpdesk Monday if it doesn't all work out? Holy hell, you fucking morons! What do I do with the dozen facilities that can't begin their day while your Helldesk search for enough English between them to understand the problem? Mother of $Deity, what the fuck are we paying you for? I'd ask if you had a soul but for your sake I hope you don't. You miserable, self-serving scum, how do you even look in the mirror in the morning?

Never, never have I seen anything like this negligent disregard. Your callous unconcern is criminal. Not once in dealing with some of the largest vendors in the world have I been so systematically blown off. The hardest serial killer has more regard for his victims. Even a tick will drop off when it's full. You miserable wretches, you are the case of crabs caught from the company stoop. You are head lice, but for all the height your victims provide you still can't see two inches in front of your face. You are the tapeworm that rejoices in slavering at the colon of your host, caring naught if they live or die. You survive by ripping your victims wide and sucking at their entrails.

I spit at you, you motherfuckers. I hurl my hatred in your pustule-ridden faces. I waive my contempt before your boundless, baseless, overweening pride. Before this is done, you will wish me dead. You will suffer the Clue as I force it down your cock-scarred throat. You will fucking learn. You will yield, you fucking whores. You will earn the moneys I've paid you, so help me, or you will repay every ill-gotten cent. There is no public disclosure clause in your EULA, you dumb bastards. And when you're done fucking me, when I'm done tabulating your sins, the tables '''will''' turn.

Seriously hasn't everyone given or been given at least one of these in their life times?

This troper sometimes gets these from her mother and once, for reasons she'd rather not get into, had to give one herself to her aunt.

This troper was part of a small class (6 people)where our final project was gathering and presenting facts about a state with a partner. Every one in the class worked their butts off on this. After we all finished presenting, our teacher gave us a fifteen-some minute rant about how bad we sucked. To paraphrase: ::"Those had to be the worst presontations ever. I wouldn't give any of those more then a C, if that. Why didn't you say somthing about this or that. What were you all doing those 2 weeks we had for this? Your in 8th grade you have no excuse, 4th graders could have done a better job. Infact I heard better presentations from when I was a teacher in elementry school. You didn't do this or that. If you present crap like this in highschool next year you will fail.": ::It was compleatly uncalled for and unneeded. Every one held back during presenting bacuse this teacher was prone to nag you and give mini versions of these speeches whenever she didn't like something.:

This Troper gets one from her mother every month or so. It's not fun.

Big ol' exposition so the speech doesn't seem unjustified.There's a guy in my class that I befriended at the beginning of year.Because everybody was getting to know each other, he seemed very awkward and bad at socialising, and a lot of people found dealing with him tough. Not wanting to leave the poor guy alone, we let him hang out with a group of us, being his first proper friends. Unfortunately being the first friends we rapidly realised that the reason for this was his lack of empathy, irrational offence at simple things (he once was wound up by a lame joke about mud cake) and creepily bemoaning his lack of sexual experience, particularly when I was the only girl present. Although the group is made of extremely patient, former-bullied people, he gradually started to grind on peoples nerves. This all came to a head during a uni trip when he laughed at my room mates grandfather being a vegetable/quoted MontyPython for three hours/had no indoor voice/farted proudly/refused to leave the room when asked after upsetting the room mate/accused someones art of being nothing but plagiarism/lied about his room mates hygiene for laughs. Most of this on the second night. The day after, his hotel room mate gave A Reason You Suck Speech for an hour and a half, that turned into more of a plea. He's better today, but we've had to give him these speeches far more than should happen.

This troper was given this from his friend. Warning: A bit of bad grammar and ClusterFBomb: #QUOTE#You always bitch about how our society is corrupt, everyone is mindless, having no dream at all. But what are you? Yeah, yeah, you and your dream about being writer oh please, fuck that, I haven't seen you doing a goddamn thing about it. You always slack off, sleep in the class, forget about your homework and I am doing fucking best so you can snap out of it, but where's my thanks? Where's my fucking respect? You always tell me to stop nagging you, but excuse me, when I see a lazy and whining son of a bitch like you I just can't help myself. Dude, I have my own shit to care about and if I show you worry about your life, you should be at least grateful about it. What does your parents say about hits? Do they know how you are just letting your day go by and not doing a damn thing? What do you tell your parents when they ask you about school? Do you tell him you did well and worked hard? Tell me you didn't so I won't have to call you a lying fucktard. I'm, really, getting, sick of, your, attitude. Do something about it or I'm gonna pretend that I was never a friend with a likes of you. You hear me? ::A bit of an exaggeration, but yeah, it really got me.:

This troper also got one or two of these speeches from both of her parents, but usually she managed to outwit them in those stakes and point out that she is in fact not a lazy slob and have a lot to give to the world. She is also an always learning and doesn't just sit on arse and eat Cheetos all day. She also wants to get out in the world but they haven't been helping has been mentioned in the speech too.

This troper used to be prone to dolling these out to her ex-boyfriend to get him to do what she wanted. She has since learnt that this does not make people do what you want. She now does the praise what you approve of way. Which actually has worked.

This troper finally snapped and gave this speech to her friend (former romantic girlfriend) after months of putting up with her trying to BreakTheCutie. This troper found her to be too indecisive, unreliable, dishonest, hedonistic, and impulsive to consort with any longer. They haven't spoken since.

I was on a committee with a JerkAss who basically dismissed the queer and female members. At one point during an excessively long meeting, I had a last-straw moment with him and basically tore into him in fluent anti-oppression analysis jargon. He threw a shit-fit and stormed out, at which point I turned to the other members of the group and said, "Wow, if I'd known I could make him leave by calling him on his privilege, I would have done it months ago." I didn't see him for several months until the mass meeting when he stopped being on the group. He made a loud bi-phobic comment in front of everyone, so I got to read his beads ''again.'' I ''literally'' got two rounds of applause for that one. It was pretty epic.

Here's what I once said to a StrawFeminist who took no responsibility for her own life and blamed everything on men: "For every so called male prerogative you claim, I could easily list one for every female in this society as well. Someday, we will quit using our gender as some sort of tribal war banner, and come together for the sake of our common humanity, but that won't happen until you quit holding all men responsible for your insecurities, your paranoia, and your unending feelings of being 'wronged.' If nothing else, constantly pointing fingers at all men, simply for 'not doing enough,' leads us to feel helpless because from the sounds of it, nothing will ever be good enough for you. Even if we arrested, convicted, and (trigger warning)prison raped every single man who ever so much as looked at a woman the wrong way, you'd still call us tools of the patriarchy. You just want the right to demand that others prove themselves to you, when in reality everyone has failed to always do the right thing, and if you look inside your soul and see where you have failed in life, you won't be so quick to blame men for all of your problems.

This troper gave a blistering one to the user kaitoshinichi on YouTube after the latter openly insulted him for his description of the Gundam 00 movie trailer. kaitoshinichi directly insulted my existence, labelling me as "racist and retarded", so I snapped and sent him a blistering response that lasted for three paragraphs, countering his insults with well-reasoned logic and warning him that using insults were highly immature. Just for demonstration, here is a particularly devastating passage: #QUOTE#There is nothing to be gained from using insults, so contrary to your choice words about limited mental capacities, I can tell you that using such a juvenile insult reflects on your own limited vocabulary and lack of judgement...Unfortunately, in your own rush [to criticize my video] (or was it pure stupidity and a desire to just mouth off at someone?), you ultimately come across as an arrogant child when you use words like those in your statements. Before you mouth off at other youtube users, consider your consequences. It may say your age is 23 on your channel, but your banter is at the level of some bratty junior high kid.

This Troper was part of an RP site a few months back, and he made only the slightest joke against another member, and because of that she decided to quit the site. Now, there was this other member, who in real life was a girl but RPed as a guy and even told me once she wanted to BE a man. She started chewing me out. I admitted that I was sorry for that joke, but then she crossed the line saying I was the sole reason for her leaving. That set me off. For weeks up til that time, this girl would abuse the member, keep coming on to her and verbally saying she'd do "things" to her, all the while pretending to be a guy. (Which all of us KNEW she wasn't). So right then and there, I listed all the moments how she was worse off by saying how she had abused her, how we were sick and tired of her making the pathetic charade that she was a man and how majorly hypocritical she was being at wanting to be a man because she hated how men abuse women and doing exactly that! I don't remember the exact words on how I said it, but I remember clearly that right after, she started spewing insults and poor comebacks which ended with "Who the hell do you think you are?!" I calmly and simply said, "The better man." I left the site and never looked back.

This Tropers parents are convinced that he is far better than he actually is and, as such, they didn't react too well when my GCSE's came as mostly C's and B's (and 1 D. So, I only failed 1 subject and it wasn't a big fail). Don't bring up his A Level's, I'm certain I'll get another speech (what is wrong with a C in English Lit? Granted, I got an E in Law and U in Maths and ICT, but still...).

My 7th grade teacher would give us one every day.

This Troper is quite fond of giving them whenever possible. In my defense I'll say I also tend to hang out with people who manage to annoy the hell out of me. Specially to a friend, two years younger than me (Sadly also a Troper, probably why it never friggin' works) #QUOTE#Are you still a little brat? For God's sake, you're already an adult! Start acting as one! Don't you realize how hard is to mantain a straight face in front of you when you talk like that? The freaking world doesn't revolve around you! I can accept that kind of behaviour in front of me, but any other living being in this world would see you as a freak, dammit. Once and for all, notice your damn surroundings instead of spending all your time in that cursed laptop of yours, thinking in your annoying fanfic! Realize it! You live on planet Earth! Not in your happy land where everyone is nice and understanding. And for fuck's sake JUST... STOP... QUOTING TROPES!! IT'S WEIRD!! We are not in America or in any English-speaking country!! You honestly sound like a weirdo! Do you have any friends in the first place?! You think you're cool, original, chaotic or whatever the hell you want BUT YOU'RE NOT! You're just an sad alienated brat who has only has been following my and other idiots' shadow for who know how many years! Learn to be yourself once and for all! And try to realize how do others feel when dealing with a spoiled brat such as yourself!

Honestly speaking, that friend in particular is like a little brother for me and I do care about him. And I feel guilty for having introduced him to many of the games/miscellaneous stuff for which he has reached now near NEET levels. Specifically TVTropes, though I wasn't the one who gave him the link to this page. Talking about a case of TVTropesWillRuinYourLife...

This troper was purposely excluded from a role-play when if I had done the same, the person(s) who excluded me would be throwing a tantrum, I'd be called out on it, and I'd have to bend over backwards to retcon him in. I then pretty much made a bunch of open role-plays, and when everyone else was wondering why I wasn't trying to get revenge... #QUOTE# "Remember what happened when I accidentally excluded you from an arc, and I offered to redo it and you complained and complained and complained, then made me wait for months before finally redoing it, wherein I had to ''put the arc on pause'' before you cooled down? Well guess what? I had a ''lot'' more intended and yet because you guilt-tripped me into waiting months, I just decided "Fuck it" and canceled it. Maybe this is my way of giving you a message, that I'm trying not to be an EntitledBastard, especially since I'm not asking to be retconned in and then complaining about being 'rushed'?"

Yeah, so I also am one of those people who loves to make these speeches, albeit in a very dry and subdued maner. For example, just recently on a guild I'm in for an online game, there's this kid who stands out as being the only immature member of what is a very adult guild. We all just kinda deal with him, but it's gotten old. So, just the other night while it was just the two of us in voice chat, he starts getting all uppity about me making an offhand wisecrack over his unoriginal name. Well, a few minutes into this, and my wonderfully prepared-over-months Reason You Suck Speech got to make its appearance: #QUOTE# "Right then, that's about it. You should probably DC right now, if not for my sake so I don't have to say this all and we can just leave as enemies. Ah, but if [Guild Leader] ain't here, figure I may as well get my say in for as long as I can. Y'know, I never did like you. Right from the get-go, right from those first words of yours I read. Who are you? Do you even know? Because every single word seems to be about a borrowed piece of entertainment, each name given is someone else's, and the only things you claim for yourself are that you're gay and suicidal. Oh, you just love to claim that you're suicidal, huh? Yeah, I'm sure better people than me have tiptoed around that. Maybe that's why no one seems to have ever given you a stern talking to. Well, here goes: there should be more to you than there is. You've seen what other people 'round here talk about, yeah? Quite a few of the other members are married, some with kids. Most have jobs, most have activities they like to do outside the game. Most of them even have daily complaints and jubilation about their life that they share. I log in and see them in the chat, and I genuinely feel like I'm talking to someone. Yet when it's you who's online...I have to think 'you're how old?' As old as me; old enough to drink, right? Guy, you're at least half a decade too late to do all this 'naming yourself after a character in an attempt to emulate them and come to understand yourself' tripe. It's like I'm talking to a little girl: playing with her Barbie dolls as she prances them about and makes them speak. Only the voice is hers, the rest is all Barbie. But it's okay at that age. "It's all right to pretend to be another person, so long as you find yourself in the end", yeah? Yeah, I totally just ripped off Tendou's grandma, not the point. Yet you never seemed to have gotten past that stage in life, for whatever reason. Now you're here, at 21, and apparently all you have to claim for yourself is that endlessly repeated and never asked for 'I'm gay and suicidal'? A tidbit about psychology: people who have the needless urge to spout personal information without being asked to are what you'd call "insecure". And for good reason: you're insecure that that's all there is to you, but you can't claim anything else. Well, you know, it doesn't have to be like that. Introducing yourself as "[Other Game Character's Name] who is gay and suicidal" undermines your own value while also really making the other person feel uncomfortable. How 'bout from now on you say, "Hi, I'm [Real Name]. I'm into [Aforementioned Video Game] and like to do this or that"? And that so called "dream" of yours: write a long fanfic? Are you serious? You don't want to have a respectable, far reaching dream like writing your own series with your own characters? Apparently your only aspiration in life is to write C-level comment fodder? A dream so close and easy to attain: what do you plan on doing after that, huh? Just-- there's got to be more there. More than what little I have come to know to hate in these past months. I'm sure-- there's no way in hell, heaven, limbo, nirvana or earth that that's it. So, really, guess what I'm saying is, please, oh please oh please, learn to act like a human and not your own label, and tell us about you, not just '[Other Game Character's Name] who is gay and suicidal.'"

Yeah, he did eventually DC after a minute or two of (muted one-sided) mudslinging, so we'll have to see how that turns out. And yes, I full well know the far reaching implications of what I said. Dangerous road, that one. But for a somewhat lighter story how about this one: I used to work at a grocery store, and we'd have regulars, obviously. Well, one of them was what you could only call insane. No, really. I'd given him the benefit of the doubt enough for ten people's worth of judgment. One night his inane spouting caught the ear of the worst possible person. Which is to say, he dared to claim the I-94 Bridge Collapse (Minnesota, look it up) was all a government cover-up. Apparently a woman had lost someone in that, and was rightfully pissed. But after a few minutes of them going back and forth like kindergartners, I, the quiet and professional employee, had to speak up. #QUOTE# "Um, excuse me. You two? I hate to be the one who has to raise his voice, but this is just inappropriate. [To the crazy] ''He's'' not going to change his stances. [To the woman] And ''you'' are only making things worse. If you couldn't tell, this argument is making everyone else in line feel ''very'' uncomfortable. So, please, if you two could stop bickering and just leave as enemies, I'd take it as a great personal favor."

If you can't tell, I like the phrase "leave as enemies"~ And amazingly enough, I actually manage to make these speeches sans ClusterFBomb, despite I have the mouth of a sailor in a metal band.

The druggies at my high school are even more obnoxious than the druggies at most high schools, and I eventually got fed up with it and gave them a speech to the effect of "You're pathetic, you're stupid, and you've never even done anything worse than weed. Get over yourself and stop acting cool". It was much longer and more BadAss than that, though, and culminated with the kid punching me in the face. So worth it.

This troper as a young child lived in a low income starter house neighborhood in the boonies of Langley, B.C. there a women gave him one of these with his mother as the receiver of if it, the women had brought her own husband around to act as a deterent of a deserved sock to the face, the women declaring that the neighborhood was some how worse for his 6 or 7 year old presence. This troper is also diagnosed legitimately with Autistic Spectrum Disorder and knows now that he's 20 to take the womens statement with a grain of salt as the women eventually ditched her husband for man who was convicted for pedophilia and than moved out to Squamish with him and her two underaged boys in tow.

After deciding I wanted to become a forensic anthropologist, I've gotten a number of these from my mother, who wants all her kids to be artists. Mostly these speeches are about how I'll be isolated because no one will want to hang out with someone who deals with skeletons, how I'll never find love because no one would want to date a forensic anthropologist, and how I'll be a horrible mother if I even think about leaving my children to go to an archaeological dig or something.

This troper, for one, has a lot of respect for anthropology, especially the forensic variety due to its use in solving crimes. Plus, some people are fascinated by skeletons, myself just for the sense of wonder that that's what we're all like underneath. I'd totally date you, and I bet a lot of other guys would too.

Although I haven't had an opportunity to deliver one yet, I'm going to be spending a semester abroad with a group of students including a girl who broke my heart in a rather cruel and callous way I'd prefer not to go into, and during one of the worst depressive episodes of my lifefunnily enough, forced me to take a look at myself and in true Gurren Lagann style believe in the me that believes in myself, improving my quality of life to the Nth degree! to boot. The very few words she's said to me in recent months consisted of a short bitching out over minor things in our college's theater department, which I just rolled with. What I'm really waiting for is for her to try to give me crap overseas, because I've finally worked out a speech to tell her exactly what's wrong with her, with arguments to back it up and the foresight to be able to do it in TranquilFury rather than shout. The way I plan to end it essentially states: "I'm actually glad that you decided to hate me for completely shallow reasons, because after realizing how totally not worth my time you are, my life has gotten so much better. So sincerely, thank you for only showing me how great of a person I can actually be."

Going down memory lane, I remember having a rival back at Winchell Elementary School in Kalamazoo, MI (I attended from 1997 to 2001), who was the typical bully, always calling me "fruity" and...not sure I remember, maybe my memories are blocking out any more insults to prevent future trauma, but if I ever do meet him...which I probably won't...this is what I'm planning to say to his face: #QUOTE# me? Bob Jindra? AKA "Bobby is Fruity"? Well, let me tell you something, you unappreciative bastard: just because I have high-functioning autism does NOT mean you can treat me like a little chew toy any longer from the past decade. I've gotten ahead in life in ways I couldn't have seen coming, like getting a ''JOB'' for special-needs people or having a ''CHECKING ACCOUNT'' at a trustworthy bank! Oh, and I'm one of the lucky owners of a Wii and PlayStation3, and my bedroom has a high-def television, so I'm definitely fit for the tech-savvy groups! I'm also dating a very sweet girl right now, her name is Cassandra, and she has a warm heart, one that couldn't break a stone-cold rock like yours if you tried to seduce her! So next time you reach into the immaturity bag to call me anything you may have picked up from South Park, FUCK YOU AND GOOD DAY, SIR."

This troper, who was so brutally hurt by the betrayal of a friend that it set him into the mind of being TheQuietOne (and then was hit even worse when he gave the former friend a second chance and was backstabbed ''again'') has a speech planned to call the former friend out that skirts into WorldOfCardboardSpeech territory. #QUOTE#"I don't think I quite realized how stupid I was being when I decided to first call you "friend." Because, you see, you were never a good friend to begin with. Friends try and comfort people when they feel down; friends are open with each other, and most importantly, friends never ever completely ''double-cross a person that wholly trusts them twice, and then don't even'' try ''to apologize for it.'' Oh, it really seemed like that you were a good friend for a year, maybe two, but I think the day you decided to lie to me about your denouncing Smash Bros. - all for the reason that other people at the school were calling it an "immature game" - was the day that I realized I was making a bad choice - yes, I know that maybe I shouldn't have reacted the way I did back then, but at least I acknowledged that and apologized for it, unlike ''you'' who never once apologized for ''any'' of the wrongs you did to me - not once! All you did was give half-assed excuses about everything, and you never knew how badly it hurt until I tried to call you out on it. Well, you know what? It did hurt. To be crossed by a person who I really thought was my closest friend was traumatizing for someone like me; I ''still'' haven't worked up enough courage to constantly speak to people, unless I happen to ''live with them.'' Do you know what that's like? To walk through hallways, completely alone, and scared that if you try to speak to someone, they'll just laugh at you and stab you in the back? No, of course you don't. You're always surrounding yourself with all sorts of people, and calling them "friends". Do they know the truth about you, I wonder? Do they know how badly you've scarred a friend? Of course they don't. You wouldn't ''dare'' tell them about such a thing; how you've made the next anti-social ''freak'' - that would ruin your precious "reputation". Or maybe they do know, and you and them get a good laugh about the whole thing. That really wouldn't surprise me; I fully expect that you've surrounded yourself with people as debased as you, because that's all you really are on the inside: a debased, morally bankrupt person who takes great delight in seeing people like me being hurt. I should've known not to give you a second chance a year ago - I should've known not to try and ''reason'' with someone like you over something that left me so horribly broken that I cut myself off from ''everyone'' else. Why did I try that, really? What in the ''hell'' might try to make me even think for an ''instant'' that I could make you what I really thought you were - a decent human being - when, deep down, you're just what I said you were: debased and morally bankrupt? I honestly don't know, in hindsight. It was stupid of me to give you that second chance, because you abused it - you made me feel even worse about myself, because at the time, I was wondering what I was doing that all of your other friends weren't; what I might have done that would make you hate me so much. I only now realize that all I had done was be myself, and thanks to you, my new idea of "being myself" is now "avoid more or less everyone you see because they're all corrupt on the inside." I don't even know whether or not this new mindset of mine is even ''good'' - part of me wants to believe that everyone has some sort of capacity to do good, but then I remember what you did to me, and suddenly I'm back to the idea that all humans are scumbags like yourself. So I hope you're happy about how you're broken me. I hope that it's what helps you sleep at night. Because if you even now have the tiniest ''iota'' of guilt for traumatizing me the way you did, it's too late. All the damage that you've done to me can't ''ever'' be undone."

Possibly mastered by Drill Instructors. At one point toward the end of This Troper's boot camp experience, his platoon was standing in line for hair cuts. One of the Drill Instructors was going down the line, giving a personalized comment to each of the recruits in line. Sometimes it was things they were doing wrong right then, and sometimes it was things they did wrong all the time, but it was usually fairly long and detailed. When he got to me, he just pointed at me, scowled, and said "You... (One second pause)... are ugly." and moved on. Everyone around, myself included, had to visibly struggle to keep from laughing. Drill instructors are hillarious, as long as you avoid making it obvious that you think so.

This Troper gave one to annoying prat "friend" of his. He kept pushing my chair shrink repeatedly in multiple Computing lessons so eventually I turned round and said: "Shut up and leave me alone. You are an annoying idiot who needs to grow up. You don't deserve to even be an acquaintance (It's a running joke of mine that he's only an acquaintance)." Worst part? He ignored it and continued annoying me.

This troper has been particularly bullied during his middle school years. As I grew up, I thought up of several different speeches to say to any of the bullies if he ever encounters them again. Here's one that comes up to mind (Yes, there is a lot of cussing): #QUOTE#"You know what? Shut your damn mouth. I've taken so much crap from you. You think you're some cool guy, picking on someone who doesn't shoot insults back? Well, guess what? You're damn wrong. I haven't said anything back to you because I didn't think it mattered, that it was a waste of time. But I was wrong. You know why? Because apparently, I can't make some stupid, dumbass punk understand the words, "Leave me alone", into their head. What are you, 6? Because last time I checked, YOU were much older than I am. Do you think that gives you the right to be stupid? That everyone will excuse you because you're older, and I'm younger? No, it doesn't. At ALL. And I want you to know, that I'm not going to back off anymore. I will give you twice as much hell as you did for me."

Thsi troper had to tell this to someone who was ranting about people sayin they were sorry to him and "not meaning it". #QUOTE# "Dude, I really don't want to sound like one of those EntitledBastard-types who say ;Oh well you have it ''so'' good, you know how many people in Bangladesh are starving and would ''kill'' to get what you have', but unfortunately, to me, it just sounds like you just don't get it. Why do ''I'' apologize so much? Maybe it's because of that 'treat others the way you want to be treated' mentality you and everyone else is ''SO'' fond of touting. Yeah right - I do ''NOTHING'' wrong and am scapegoated and treated like people's personal ButtMonkey. I go ''OUT OF MY WAY'' to make sure people know I'm sorry because I can actually feel how people are irritated unlike most people. How come '''I'M''' the one who is ''NEVER'' apologized to? I've had literally ''five'' people apologize to me without them having to have been told to - and if you're wondering why I ''document'' these things, it's because ''it never happens'' - You probably would remember those things too if you were in my shoes wishing people would just say 'I'm sorry' to you only to treat you like dog shit you stepped on. Oh, I know you're going to say 'But I'm the victim!' Especially since you regularly refuse to acknowledge that you're anything ''but'' the victim and that you're actuallly ''not'' the only person who's hurt now and then? You flat out ''refuse'' to see that you did anything wrong - you have a ''huge'' self-bias that ''always'' portrays you as the victim. Oh, and before you say 'oh but people have apologized, don't give me any BS that you don't know what it's like', yes I know - but remember how many times we were apologized to as a group, how you were always apologized to ''personally'', and how in all the personal apologies, I was always the ''ONE'' person they never seemed to acknowledge, if not just ''one'' of them? That's what it is like for me in real life, too. You claim they give you 'hollow' apologies that have no weight? Strange - everyone seems to ''really'' want ''your'' forgiveness. If you think that's hollow, then I'll ''GLADLY'' take those for you - because if you seriously would rather people ''not'' say they're fucking sorry to you than say 'hollow' apologies, then take mine. I've tried for twenty two years to be regarded as an equal - By this point, I'd gladly take ''any'' apologies given to me by people out of their own will. Need I also remind you of the times I've been injured by accident, and I didn't even hear the words 'oops' or 'Oh sorry'? Or how many times someone's hit me with the door, told me to just 'get out of my way' only to bump into someone and say 'sorry' right in front of my face? How do you think ''that'' would feel, to be flat out insulted directly to your face by someone only to have htem act polite to ''another random stranger'' right in front of you? You know what they say, beggars can't be choosers - I'd ''gladly'' take even a 'hollow apology' that came from someone without being told to do so over ''no apology at ALL''. You'd rather people don't apologize at all? Well let's switch whatever it is that makes people apologize to you, and refuse to apologize to me at all - I'm sure we'd be ''MUCH'' happier that way. I'd get the apologies I deserve by that 'Treat others the way you want to be treated'-BS, and you wouldn't get any 'hollow apologies' anymore. We both win that way."

I remember giving one to a boy in my middle school class. Basically, he was an annoying, loud, immature attention-whorish Class Clown that tried too hard to be funny(and failed). He also always went up to me -always me, almost never anyone else- and tried talking ("HEY, TROPER! HEY TROPER TROPER TROPER WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME TROPER?") when I jsut wanted to be alone, long after even he would have understood I don't think he's funny. After this went on for many months, I just had to explain it to him. "Shut up. Just shut up. Do you think you're funny? Well, you really aren't! You're a loud, annoying attention whore -"HEY HEY LOOK AT ME I'M SO FUNNY AND COOL!" ...no, you're not. You really aren't. Just leave me alone, you're not as funny as you think. Grow up." It sadly didn't work. (However, I got a nice feeling of schadenfreude when the teacher one day decided to read up everyone's warnings(for not doing their homework, behaving badly in class ect.) most people hadn't got more than 2 or 3, if any at all. ...Except for him, he had a whopping 17 of them. Heh.)

This troper seems to be a magnet for these:

First of all, my parents would give these to me. I try to block them out as best I can, but they usually were about my lack of manners or how I played too many video games and should be more normal like my little brother.

In 6th grade P.E., The class I was in was apparently TheScrappy; the teacher would always tell us how much we sucked compared to the other classes. Pretty minor since I knew they most likely weren't targeted at me, but it sticks out in my mind for whatever reason.

Fast forward to driver's ed. I decided to take it through my high school. There were 8 people in the class. I should have realized why. I came home crying once.

Fast forward to my sophomore year of university, in my Linear Algebra class, which he hated enough without these. We got at least one of these a week on average, usually about how we weren't using as much linear algebra terminology as we could be using. By the end of the quarter, the class had shrunk to about half its original size.

Now I'm studying at a Japanese language school. This was particularly bad during the summer of 2010; the teachers constantly ranted about how students from years past were better than us, how instead of one-to-one matching questions they could pick from a huge list with a lot of incorrect answers, how little we got done, how the other classes are doing better, and how we'd never survive colleges or work in Japan. Attendance out of around 20 people was usually in the single digits. We got called out on that too. The substitute teachers we had near the end of that quarter were even worse. I'd hoped that maybe by doing good enough, I could place into a higher level than the people in the class that probably were triggering these. Go forward to Autumn next quarter. On the first day, when I saw the people in my class were almost all the same people from last quarter, I wrote down my goal for the quarter as "get back the will to live".

I see a pattern here; they get more severe over time. I fear that if I ever have a job, they'll take this UpToEleven and make me want to kill myself.

Is it any wonder I have self-esteem issues?

I am very quiet and passive, so I don't talk that much unless with friends. I did have a "friend" in the third year of high school though who was so... thoughtless and lazy that it just caused me to explode in class one day when he insulted another one of my friends. It went something like... #QUOTE# Troper: You know what? You really piss me off. Last year was the first year I talked to you, and you didn't seem all that bad, just some guy who sucked at geometry and asked me for help. Now that we have TWO FUCKING CLASSES TOGETHER I FINALLY see what a complete asshole you are. First of all, you never consider context AT ALL. You call my friend here a total freak for asking me "Have you ever seen a naked man?" without knowing why he asked me that! BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!!! When I explain the goddamn circumstances for why he asked, you just ignore them entirely and continue to call him a freak! BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!!! You are the laziest person I have EVER met in my life, and this is coming from a person who does nothing but sit in front of his computer all day to a jock who regularly exercises. You NEVER PULL YOUR WEIGHT IN SCHOOLWORK! When we had that assignment to work on together, I asked you to e-mail me the files, but you said you didn't know how to, but you'll find out how. So I wait the ENTIRE FUCKING WEEKEND FOR THE FILES, JUST TO GET THEM ON THE MONDAY THE ASSIGNMENT IS DUE WITH YOU COMPLAINING: "I need an e-mail to send things through e-mail, and I didn't have one". I KNOW YOU HAVE INTERNET, IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE AN E-MAIL, GOOGLE IT! It's a fucking miracle that we got a C- on the project seeing as how I had to PASTE ALL OF YOUR WORK TOGETHER IN CONJUNCTION WITH MINE IN LESS THAN TWO MINUTES!!! YOU ALSO CONSTANTLY SIT NEXT TO ME IN CLASS AND ASK ME FOR ANSWERS THAT ARE CLEARLY ON THE PAPER YOU ARE WORKING ON!!! EVEN WHEN ALL WE HAD TO DO FOR AN ASSIGNMENT WAS LOOK AT A MAP IN OUR BOOK, THEN COLOR IN A MAP ON A WORKSHEET, COLORING FOR CHRIST SAKES; KINDERGARTEN WORK, YOU SIT NEXT TO ME AND ASK IF YOU CAN COPY BECAUSE YOU "Want to make sure you're right"!!! BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!!! WHENEVER SOMETHING IS OUT OF NORM OR DOESN'T GO BY YOUR STANDARDS, YOU WHINE AND COMPLAIN ABOUT "How stupid it is" or "How much of a freak that person is". You wanna know what I think of you? Of course you don't, because you live in a tiny bubble where everything has to go your way, or you start feeling insecure about yourself and start blaming it on others. But I'll tell you anyway. You are the laziest, most spoiled , most ignorant, most insensitive, most insecure, good for nothing, most maturest, WASTE OF ORGANS that I have ever seen in my life. Your own younger brother is more mature than you, I should know, I hung out with him regularly last year. I hope you grow up, I really do. If not, you're gonna end up in a dead end home, working on a dead end job no one wants, living on meager wages, and dreaming about "the glory days" in high school where people liked you for who the hell knows why. All in all, to wrap this all up: You are THE worst person I have ever met in my life, and I no longer wish to continue our "friendship" or in my case: Listening to you moan, bitch, and whine on why things are stupid.

Two class periods later, I get several detentions and a trip to the counseling office along with the "friend"

Sometime during the counseling session, I also recall telling him how he's all talk and no action.

This troper is capable of doing this in less than ten words: To JustinBieber, Weird Al, bitch. I'm out.

On Youtube, I stumbled upon this 15 year old guy who was your typical internet tough guy. #QUOTE#''Holy shit. No wonder people are mean to you. Judging from your posts, civility must be an alien concept to you. Just because this is the internet, doesn't mean you should act like an asshole at every goddamn opportunity. Ugh. Not only that, you're a bit of a white knight. People like you are what's wrong with Youtube. Grow. The. Fuck. Up.''

Then he posted this reply on my page before blocking me from commenting on his page: #QUOTE#''what the hell. i am a whiteknight and proud. and respect and honor must be unknow to u. let me beat it into u. guys like u who have to much pride and envy and no respect to women are whats wrong with the world. learn some manners before i beat them into u. and grow the hell up and realize the real world.''

Let me elaborate. The "white knighting" was him posting on HannahMinx's videos saying stuff like "DON'T SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT HER OR ELSE I'LL BEAT YOU UP" The whiteknigting itself didn't bother me. It was just his general hostility. He claimed to be "in love" with her. I'll bet if HannahMinx was ugly he wouldn't be defending her so freverently.

You know that there's a user on DeviantArt, Youtube, and FurAffinity who poses as Fifi La Fume and talks in her character? Well, when it was openly revealed that the user wasn't the real Fifi, eventhough a vast majority of users may already know that it was just a user posing as the character and they played along out of love and respect since a cartoon character can't actually get an internet account in real life because they're not real so it's fairly common for a user to pose as a fictional character online, a user posing as a fanmade character named Stripe the Skunk considered leaving DeviantArt just because "it wasn't the real Fifi". This troper laid a somewhat mild one on Stripe, pointing out his hypocrisy: #QUOTE#So you're just gonna quit just because the Fifi La Fume on here is a user posing as her? I think that is ridiculous. It's rather common for a user to pose as a cartoon character here on the internet, and though most people know that it's just a user posing as a character, they intend to play along out of love and respect. Besides, you should listen to yourself talk. I know that you're also a user posing as a (fanmade) character, and yet YOU decide to quit just because the Fifi on here is a user posing as her. No offense, but that seems downright hypocritical. I am not trying to hurt you, Stripe, but I feel that the decision that you're taking into consideration is rather foolish. Therefore, I am trying to set you straight before you do something that you may regret. I hope my words have gotten through to you, Stripe, and I'm sorry if I hurt you. ::As a side note, several other users on DeviantArt have laid similar ones on Stripe as well.:

This troper and her peers get these frequently from their Drill Sergeant, who is certainly not Nasty (we often deserve them), but can seriously make a person wish they were dead.

High School. I have to give a presentation with a group. However, the rest of my group seems to be physically unable to get anything done and spent the entire time goofing off, sleeping, cutting class, etc. Whenever I tried to contact them outside of class, they just turned their backs on me and walked away. Any calls I made to their home phone were met with a "We're not home" and were likely deleted. Any emails I made likewise went unresponded. So I had to do the work myself, and when the teacher asked for us to present, I said, "Teacher? Since I'm the only person who did anything at all, I feel I should present seperately and receive credit. The other three members of my group seemed to have been doing their own things." and she asked the other three to sit down. I then presented, having only ''my name'' on the project. The teacher then asked the other three if they have their projects, to which they responded with, "No, this is a group project and he chose to do it himself." She then told them, #QUOTE# "I've seen you whenever I gave you time to do something in class. Only ''he'' seemed to be doing a thing at all. I think I ''should'' grade you separately, since you should be ''working'' and not ''sending text messages'' during class when I give you time to work on a project. Do you three perhaps have your own projects?"

The result? I got a B- on the project (When I probably should have gotten a "C" because I just ''barely'' scraped by) and the other three got a one way trip to summer school because they got a zero.

This troper has used the trope a lot of times, and had it used on him, complete not only with crowning moments of awesome but with crowning moments of bastard (By means of tremendous misfires. Anger is a bad thing to have when one is thinking). He even has used one for a positive end (Is it even possible?) The positive one was with a friend who, back in middle school, suffered from major depression (The troper didn't know until past medical school, ten years later!), just as himself (One of those strange cases that doesn't start with sadness but with anger) and, after listening the friend was about to back down from a girl he liked a lot as she declared him how much she loved him, he told him: "Listen up, you awful idiot! You're right, you're a sore excuse of a fuck who never does anything right, blablabla... But guess what? She loves you EXACTLY because you're the kind of idiot who goes and loves with all his heart, who has gone outta his way to dote on her even as you suffer, and because she can use that belly of yours as a pillow, etc. So, you piece of rotten zombie brain, go the fuck outta here, jump-hug her, kiss her as if you wanted to devour her, tell her how much you love her and LOVE HER ALREADY! On second thought, I don't trust you with going by yourself..." Then this troper proceeded to pull the boy from the ears at full force and unceremoniously tossed him on the poor unsuspecting gal. And made sure he told her how much did he love her. So, I ask my fellow tropers: Did this troper achieve a positive thing with such a kind of speech or was he a simple jerk?

I personally believe that you were being too rough with him. Pulling him from the ears with full force and tossing him on to the girl? That's basically uncalled for, and you should have used something more, shall we say, positive? Like, encouraging him to tell her how he feels instead of forcing him to do it? Just so you know, it takes a lot of guts to confess to someone that you like them, let alone replying to someone who feels the same way about you. Have a nice day.

This post, particularly the hottips. Just this. In other news, this troper (the thread maker and poster) has gotten some several-hour-long speeches from his dad throughout the past few years. They've been so convincing that it's taken the troper years to realize just how much his father deserves a speech right back at him.

This Troper had been stuck with an annoying "friend" who everyone in his circle hated, and yet a few tolerated him because they felt bad for him. Me, being the brutally honest person I am, couldn't take his sh*t anymore. I gave him this trope in spades in the middle of the computer room for a full 5 minutes with quite a few teachers and classmates onlooking, and he was laughing his ass off, thinking himself better than me. Naturally, I punched him square in the face and he fell like a ton of bricks in one punch. Funny thing is, no one tried to stop me or said anything because all the teachers hated him too. After that, he quickly lost all his friends, and the next day this troper was given an extremely rare crowd appreciation of compliments. Most memorable day of his life.

This Troper gave out alot of these when he was a jerk.Though nowadays when he isn't as much of one as he used to be,he still finds himself giving one to a friend of his.Basically he has a bad habit of trying to prove that he learned things from the people he meets.Because he is a more social person,so he tries to make it seem as though I can't possibly learn things without walking in their shoes.Basically he gives me TheReasonYouSuckSpeech,before I in return give him one right back: #QUOTE# Me:that really it?Do you even understand what you are trying to say?You know its sad.You think you can learn from these people?These corrupted people,fed everything they believe in through the media,the government,and the traditional norms of society?If you needed to learn that,then you're already so slow you're moving backwards.Oh and its not a problem to aim high.Its what I look for.What I reach for.What I would bring my hands to the sky for.Do you see these hands?These hands have given money to the poor,build homes for those without any,and defend people that I have no connection to,or know.I put others before myself,when was the last time you did something for someone you didn't know?You want to call me the villain?Why?Because you don't understand my views?Well yeah they are different,because unlike you,I actually am unique.You thought you were unique?You're not the first person to believe in God or follow a religion,or try to be lenient with your views of the bible.How could you be unique if there are others who believe in the same thing you believe?You fail to grasp the meaning of what it means to be unique.You fail to surpass my knowledge of the multitude of people who are as similar as you.You're taking animation classes correct?For all this,you might as well be in suspended animation.Because you're going nowhere fast.You're smart?Well i'm [[BrillantButLazy lazy.I don't have proclaim to the heavens how good I am at something.We play games,and ILetYouWin.Victory means less to me,because its too easy.You're not unpredictable,your predictable.I know what you are doing,without you telling me anything.I am unpredictable.You're likable because you think in the box,a box full of people who are just as self-centered as you are,with the same beliefs you have,and the same range of thinking that you have.Your sources or limited,as is your potential.For me?The sky,there is no limit..

This troper got grounded for it, but it was worth it calling out his father after being given one of these. #QUOTE#"Alright do it, let's see if you can even hold a day, oh wait you can't... you don't have the guts to starve your own children from dinner, it would mean they'd have to make it themselves, but apparently they're too lazy to do that. They're not only too lazy to make 'em themselves but they also can't get anything done right or finish anything or keep to their goals. Well gee this is the twentieth time you've threatened to only make dinner for yourself so uh,.... hmmm you haven't kept to your goals either. And if you do actually keep a promise for once in your life, no half-ways we'll starve because we're too lazy and then you'll call it our fult because you didn't cook. Nope nothing's ever your fault, no sireee, well live up to it, it's entirely your fault. Good Night"

This troper's pulled off a fair few on numerous ungrateful people multiple times. Of course, you never want to go on too long with these types of people. Then they just miss the point entirely. Le sigh.

This troper has a few positively dated exampled that his mother gave him, three actually, one where she was singled out, one where her whole class(specifically the women, it was the 60s or 70s at the time and one where she gave it to a Gym coach.

In example one, My mother claims that in highschool she was never one for popularity but tried to be social by being the kidder of the class. Her teacher, in reply to a passing joke she had made, singled her out and declared no man would ever want her. FlatWhat.

In example two he classes female student body had been recommended to come to school in pants, oh the horror, for a hike. The principal got her and a bunch of other classes worth of female students to assembly so he could lambast them for their supposed disrespectfulness. I still find that to be kind of Fridge Logic-ey because it doesn't make much sense to me, but then again, I was a child of the 90s and 2000s.

Last example had my mother almost get flunked by her Gymcoach, not because she was doing poorly, the students had to clock time on certain equipment with the teacher watching and the teacher refused to give my mother time of day and would walk away as soon as my mother got on said equipment because she wasn't with the 'incrowd' and apparently the teacher was a bit of a Slughorn and wanted to chummy up with the queen bee's and dumb jocks of the day. Eventually at the end of the year my mother basically called her out on this, the teacher denied this while again, walking away and this mother apparently proceeded to tell her, "Get back here, you stupid cunt. I wasn't finished." In retrospect, I'm surprised she wasn't expelled, but people got away with a lot back then.

I'd like to give one to my sister...she's a {{Smug Snake}}, {{Spartan Sibling}} and {{Bratty Teenage Daughter}}:

know what? Shut the hell up! Just shut up and stop acting like you're better than me because you're an [[JerkJock athlete and go to church every Sunday! That doesn't excuse your shitty attitude! You won't get into a good school if you keep disrespecting your teachers and getting suspended all the damn time! I'd also like to know what I do that's '''SO''' horrid. You act as if I'm not a family member because I don't look or talk like you! I'm being myself and I try not to bother you, but you still slight me. Thanks for being a great sister, you bitch.]]

*Slow claps* Beautiful.

This troper just gave a ''very'' deserved one to a ''very'' deserving person. A bit of backstory: A year and some ago, I met this boy. I gradually fell for him, only to have my heart broken when I found out that he wasn't coming back to my college (bear in mind, he hails from Long Island). So, after a year of waiting, lonely, and just wanting to be close to him, I decided to move to New York City to be near him. I invited him to move in with me, and he accepted... And then I found out what he was like. He paid no rent, I bought everything, and he treated me like shit. And he did drugs. All of the time. Yet he claimed that I - the one whose ''only'' vice is smoking, and had to grow up at the age of eight from a combination of an extremely abusive Catholic school upbringing and apathetic parents - "would never be able to deal with things he's dealt with." I, of course, was blind, because I would have jumped in front of a train for him. Finally, a few months ago, my landlord figured out that I had another person living with me, and kicked us out. After this, I began to realize what a rotten, manipulative person he was. All culminated after he defriended me from Facebook with a message of, "stay out of my life." I responded in kind. #QUOTE#"You're unbelievable. You are absolutely laughable. I will ''not'' let you have the last word here. You've been calling the shots for far too long. Here's a breakdown of you. You ''claim'' that you're so fucking strong, but your release is meth, inhalants, and weed. I do none of those, but no, I'm the weak-willed one. Ridiculous. I paid your rent, I bought you food, I bought you booze, and you repay me with what? Cattiness when you don't have things go your own god damn way. You go around spouting that you have borderline personality disorder like it gives you a blank check to act like a dick to everyone and get your own way. No, I think you really have 'grew up spoiled in Long Island and has centre of the universe' disorder. You make three damn posts a fucking day on Facebook saying stupid shit like "fuck you guys," or "fuck life," or "you people suck," or "I'm deleting my Facebook," but you never do it. You're reaching out for attention, but if we dare try and give it to you, you piss and moan ''more.'' Make up your fucking mind, you jackass. I'll stay out of your life; but know that things are gonna get worse for you, and I won't be there to bail you out again. You had your chance. You blew it. Good luck. - (Troper)"

I also added a PS: "You left some things in the trunk of my car. They're now mine. Good day," and blocked him.

This troper's mother gave one to my grandmother (her mother-in-law, who I shall call R) not too long ago, after thirty years of putting up with her. What brought it on after so long was that R called the plumbing company where Mom works, so they sent a guy out; R proceeded to badmouth Mom to him. Mom called R that night and let her have it: "You're selfish, manipulative, and hateful. You suck all the happiness out of everyone around you...the worst part is, you know you're doing it and you don't even CARE."

My biological mother has been giving these to me since I was a little kid, mostly along the lines of "You ruined my life because you aren't normal like your sisters!" It's been going on for so long that everything she says is stuck in my head and I usually end up giving myself one of these speeches a few times a day. I finally cracked a few days ago and gave my "mother" this one (little note: Lianne & Kitten are my biological sisters): #QUOTE#"Holding Lianne, Kitten and me to different standards is not fair. All it does is make us resentful of you and of each other. You keep talking about how important sisters are and how we have to stay friends forever because eventually all we'll have left is each other. That's not going to happen when you treat some of us like saints and some of us like shit. It makes us jealous and angry and we'll probably end up hating each other and not talking. You know I don't think of Lianne and Kitten as my sisters anymore? They're just my friends now. This stopped being my family a long time ago thanks to you treating me like some sort of sub-human creature while acting like they are frickin' angels, just 'cause I wasn't the "normal little girl" you wanted!"

I also ended up giving her another one not long after. She was harping on me about my friends (she thinks they're just my friends, anyway), Fang & Angel. She didn't want me hanging out with them because she didn't know their parents so she didn't know how they were raised. I finally got fed up and said: #QUOTE#"Just shut up! They are not just my friends, they are my sister and my brother, and you have no right to judge them. Maybe if you'd taken a few minutes of your life to treat me like a person, I'd tell you about them, maybe even let you meet them for more than two minutes. But you lost the right to know what goes on in my life a long time ago. You're the reason I stopped feeling like a part of the fucked-up insane asylum you call a family, so you shouldn't be complaining about who I turned to when you tossed me aside like trash. You haven't even had a full conversation with either of them, you just assume that because you don't know everything about them and can't control them, that makes them bad people. You're nothing but a sad, pathetic control freak, and you are '''''not''''' my mother!"

After that second one, and after taking me to her therapists office so we could talk with a mediator who wouldn't let us yell at each other, it looks like she's finally starting to wake up. She's actually considering letting me move out of the house early (I've still got time before I turn 18) to live with my real family and she seems to be on the road to accepting the fact that once I'm gone I want my biological family to basically consider me dead.

This troper is quite good at these. On occasion, he even gives them to himself.

This troper's father gave him a very heartfelt speech about how I had been slacking off in school citing all the advantages I had been given in contrast to him having to struggle to reach the success he has gained in life. My Dad told me at length how lucky I am to have a father who cares about his son's education and how he wishes with tears in his eyes that his own father had lived long enough to have seen him struggle and eventually succeed in law school and become the wealthy lawyer he is now. He then finished with how I need to apply myself and that he could guarantee me that I would succeed in life and that as my father who loved me ever since the day I was born that he would do anything in the world to help me succeed in college and realize my own dreams and successes in the future. It was a hard lesson for me to stomach but my father and I reconciled our differences of opinions on how my education should be conducted and we embraced with manly tears in our eyes, my love and respect for my father had never been stronger.

This troper had one, sort of when his two older brother were about to kill themselves, no joke here both were with freaking knives at hands at the time, as a 14-year kid (some years ago) I just looked to each other and asked to talk, even after getting a big and loud "Fuck off" I talked with shaking legs: #QUOTE#Right you guys are the best and I'm just a immature brat, just take a look and see who's arguing and threating to kill each other for because one won't fucking do the dishes or the laundry or let the other use the computer to play a little or because one ate the other's chocolate. I'm not very sure of what to say more because words ain't coming to me now, but whatever I just happen to be a kid with a high pitched voice trying to avoid your guys to be one more number in the shitful graphic of people who kill and die for banal reasons at all. Oh and dad and mom will be SO glad when they see one bleeding and two of us crying I can already picture it.

Sure it worked on part since they let go of the knives but went in a fist fight anyway and I got accidentally hit, at least I still think so, in the face while trying to get away from them.

This troper had just joined my high school's speech team, and there was one person there, a year below me, who had had some NoodleIncident for the team last year wherein he'd had to wear a tutu. We shared some friends, and I saw the good-natured teasing going on, so, at a practice, I made a joke about the dress. He simply sighed, and said, "That's getting really fucking annoying, and it's starting to piss me off." I was genuinely humbled. This was the first time that he'd seemed like a real, complex human being to me. Needless to say, we're now friends.

This troper is a fairly laid back tall guy (in those he considers good company) and even if you're irritating I'll try and stay out of your way for your benefit as well as my own. Of course, fuck with me, I then will politely and calmly become the bane of your existence. This troper in question delivered one The Reason You Suck Speech to a Jerk Jock in front of everyone in class with a smile, after refusing him to fight him (no reason was provided as to why he wanted to fight either). The conversation went as follows: #QUOTE#Jerk Jock: "You're such a weirdo, and you won't fight nobody. What are you scared?" #QUOTE#Me: "Yeah, I'm scared I might actually break someone even more than they already are. I heard your parents got divorced recently, not to mention we're both in high school. I didn't hear much on your dad. But your mom's the talk of the town. Like the whole thingy about getting hooked on drugs. Turning out to be lesbian as well. Ouch! Now, I bet you're left to the wayside. Though, I bet you're use to that. Now, to get any affection you've got to beat innocent people up. Just so you can brag about it later. To smarter or less violent friends, and while you're back's turned they can talk about who you really are. Not to mention, I can hear you breathing from across the room. Stop it, it bugs everyone around you."

How did he react after that statement?

In true anti-climatic fashion, turned back around (he was sitting in front of me) and mumbled something. I can't remember if he was trying to stare me down either. I was pretty much ignoring him after I said that.

Well anyway your deserving of a crown of awesome.