Every one of this troper's friends know that she is a die-hard tomboy who sees guys as nothing more than lovable, idiot friends. Three of her guy friends come up to her in school one day and asks her, "Which do you like better? Boys or girls?" This troper, being who she is, quickly says "Girls, duh!" Cue immature sniggering and one heavily annoyed tomboy who took it upon herself to hunt them down with a spork after they ran away laughing like idiots. The marks from the spork are still on one of them. Then there was the time in 8th grade during Confirmation practice when a girl from another school wondered just how much of a tomboy this troper was (Given the rumors she had heard). We got on a similar topic, and, well, look below for the conversation. Keep in mind that this troper was already worked up because of an earlier discussion... And that the below conversation takes place in a '''''church'''''... #QUOTE# '''Girl''': "So, you don't like boys? #QUOTE# '''Me''': "No!" #QUOTE# '''Girl''': "So, you like girls?" #QUOTE# '''Me''': "YES!" #QUOTE# '''Girl''': "O.O Lesbian?" #QUOTE# '''Me''': "Wait- ''NO''!" #QUOTE# '''Girl''': "Then what are you?" #QUOTE# '''Me''': "I HATE AFFECTION!" #QUOTE# '''Girl''': "Huh?" #QUOTE# '''Me''': *trying to quiet down* "... I'm asexual." (For illiterates out there, asexual means you have no sexual preference/you don't have any desire for either gender) #QUOTE# '''Girl''': "You can reproduce by yourself?" #QUOTE# '''Me''': *fails at being quiet* "OH, FOR THE LOVE OF CRAP!" #QUOTE# '''Teacher''': "*insert this troper's name here*!! Settle down or you're going straight to detention!" #QUOTE# '''Me''': "Anything's better than being next to this girl!" #QUOTE# '''Girl''': "Wanna be Facebook friends?" #QUOTE# '''Me''': *insert {{Angrish}} here* "Is that offer for detention still up!!?"

This asexual troper feels your pain.

A spork!!?

I was describing how to make Skuffukaka in cake for Debate. I was getting to the part where you mix the stuff and I said "You just want to whisk a little... just whip it until you're satisfied." Random boy: "That's what she said!"

Drinking Coca-Cola recklessly. "Augh, I got coke up my nose." I got a few weird looks for that.

"I tried snorting Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose." I wish I could remember who said that.

On the phone with guy friends while at a sleepover: "Yeah, B's high on coke... ''The drink! THE DRINK!''" (Said friend has a very strange reaction to Coca-Cola along the lines of bouncing between her usual hyper self and going randomly mellow).

this troper was hanging out with his girlfriend and her mother. They both have to use the bathroom very frequently, whereas I can generally hold it for quite a while. When discussing this, my gf's mom said, "I admire your stamina." It was all I could do to not bust out with "That's what *she* said!"

This troper was playing Mr. Clean in a WhoseLineIsItAnyway styled Dating Game. The question asked was what his favorite fruit was. The answer was an apple because it was easy to clean. He then mimed cleaning an apple by rubbing it against his shirt front. To a collection of high school boys, it looked very dirty.

This troper once said that he would take a cheeseburger over love. He then had to hurriedly explain that he interpreted the cheeseburger as representative of food as a whole and that he had previously received confirmation that choosing one meant total exclusion of the other.

The MassEffect forums illustrate.

This troper's friends consider "There has to be a better way to phrase that." as his catch phrase.

This troper was dating a girl who lived two time zones away. She was not an early riser and I was. She was flying out to visit me. On the phone the night before she was telling me how early she had to get up for the flight. Though she was two hours behind me I would still wake earlier than her. I said, "I am still going to beat you up" This troper literally said next, "That came out wrong."

After a particularly hectic night, upon which much (Read: Excessive) alcohol was consumed, this troper engaged in a brief discussion with a member of the female gender. She had a boyfriend, so romance was not on the cards, but she did make a comment roughly insinuating that she thought she was fat. Upon hearing this, this troper intended to defuse the discussion by saying 'eh you're obviously not its nothing to worry about'. What this troper ACTUALLY SAID however, was "Eh chill out, being fat is the least of your problems." Directly to her face. Yeah.

Epic, dude!

This troper's friends include a girl who has a tendency to say things without thinking them over and a guy who can find sexual innuendo in anything. So this tends to happen a lot.

If there was a dining hall chicken nugget involved in one such incident, I know the two you're talking about...

''This'' troper, on the other hand, has a tendency to say things without thinking them over ''and'' an ability to find sexual innuendo in anything. So... yeah.

Same.

One of you MUST be this tropers friend then. She is a master of this.

This troper tends to catch these things before she says them, and frequently finds herself saying, "...I'm not even going to finish that sentence." One thing she managed to catch before saying it (thus prompting her friends to ask what it was, thus making her say it anyway): We were discussing video game creatures we wanted to have for pets. This troper mentioned a certain character she holds PerverseSexualLust for. When someone mentioned that he wasn't an animal, she ''almost'' said, refering to his obedient, dog-like qualities: "Well, he seems like the type who wouldn't mind being put on a leesh and playing 'doggie' for a while." Thank goodness there's a filter between her mouth and her brain...

This troper does the same thing but has many friends who force her to say what she was going to say anyway, so in the end they all just end up thinking I'M the one with the dirty mind.

This troper deals with both friends and a father who can and will reinterpret you say. While she doesn't have much experience with it happening with her friends (i.e. her saying the thing that sounds wrong), it happens too often with one of her "aquaintences" (a girl she loathes with a passion but can't get rid of due to them having the same friends). The girl tries very, very hard to try and not make herself seem stupid, slutty or a combination of the two, however it never turns out right. A famous one was where she claimed to know more about the male anatomy than one of her male friends. Everyone was so dumbstruck that she actually said such a thing that they didn't comment on it until minutes later.

Never mind, we're all dirty minded, and all it takes is someone to start giggling for everyone to start twisting the words around. Proven by a conversation recently where, after a weekend of two friends banging each other senseless, a bunch of us were teasing them endlessly. It was incredibly hard (ha!) to stop coming up with twisted comments based on everything we said. The guy was most definitely not amused (to the point this troper had to hand her MP3 player over so he could drown everyone out).

This troper was walking with her best friend in the woods, and when he picked up a branch, she said, "Hey, could I hold that huge stick?" Cue blush. It's really only bad because we generally avoid those jokes, but our other friend uses them all the time, so it didn't even need to be said.

Having stayed in countries where one does not need to worry about this all her life (until now) and having two friends who love this trope, this troper suffers from this. Even the word 'it' is enough to send one to laughter, and that's also the friend who can ascribe sexual meanings to ''anything''. Anything suggested, she thinks about it for a while and laughs her butt off. Argh.

@/{{Nomic}} says this line often, but usually because he sometimes has trouble putting his thoughts into words, so he has to rephrace the sentence to make more sense to other people. Many people he knows have pulled the straight example, tho. Most notable example would be when a girl she went to highschool with mentioned that she had a craving for pizza and that she was glad that she'd get home in a few hours so she could eat some pizza. However, the words she chose to express this could also be understood as "I'm glad that in a few hours I can go home to masturbate". Cue a lot of blank stares, followed by "I didn't mean THAT!". To be honest, this troper is pretty sure she did it intentionally, as she liked to mess with people's heads.

Which word could ''possibly'' refer to either pizza or masturbation?

In American Sign Language, the signs for "pizza" and "vagina" are very similar.

That... that just boggles my mind. So many bad thoughts....

This Troper suspects that it might be Czech or other Slavic language. In Czech, the word for "cunt" is similar to "pizza".

Sadly, some people don't know the word 'masticate' (chewing), and will understand it as 'masturbate'.

Seems this has caused enough speculations that I'll have to explain it. Sadly it doesn't really make much sense translated to English. Anyways, me, her and a bunch of other people had an hour before the next class would start, so we decided to pass the time by sitting in the lobby playing cards. After a while, she announced that she wanted to eat a pizza (family-sized chicken-pepperoni pizza with extra pepperon, if I recall correctly). However, she didn't have enough money, and nobody else who was present had eighter. After spending a long time complaining about her desire for pizza (note: the word she used can be translated as eighter desire or lust) or chasing around a kid who said he'd buy her a pizza if she beat him in a game of cards but retracted the statement after losing, she proclaimed something that could be translated as (paraphrasing) "Atleast I can soon get home and satisfy myself" (note: "self-satisfaction" is not just an euphenism, but the direct translation of the Finnish word for masturbation). Cue people giving her strange looks and her blushing as she realices what she just said.

@/{{BrightBlueInk}} has a bad problem with this. One time, while watching ''PrincessTutu'' with a friend, the friend kept making HoYay jokes about two characters, Fakir and Mytho. So when a scene in which Fakir is forced to dance with the main character came on the screen, and this troper innocently mentioned that Fakir was a "rough dancer" (referring to his style not being as elegant as Mytho's), her friend couldn't help but respond "Mytho would agree." Her brother than chimed in "See, you don't even have to try, just wait for her to say something."

This troper considers herself the queen of this, especially between her and one internet friend of hers. Not a month goes by without one of us misinterpreting each other's words in some way. Add this troper's tendency to easily forget a word with a certain meaning and her odd sense of humor and you're in for a year's worth of That Came Out Wrong cases.

This troper occasionally combine this with metaphorgotten.

When This Troper was in a youth orchestra, the female conductor (who was a quirky sort, but highly popular) wanted the timpanist to play more Forte (loud, annotated on the score as 'f'). She shouted "I want you ''f!''" There was a weighted pause before people started sniggering, but the conductor immediately lampshaded it by declaring "Anyone who smiles has a dirty mind" and then pointing said people out. This Troper was one of them.

Ah, I recall something similar happening to me. So, our conductor had, in an earlier rehearsal, noted that people were allowed to suggest songs for us to perform. So, this time, before we got started, he referenced his earlier statement, with the caveat that there were to be no pop songs, and that if a song was to be suggested, that it was to include the artists name and other such information, not just the title, relating that someone had left a note on his desk, reading 'Love You Tonight'. #QUOTE#At this point I put my hand up and ask, "What if it wasn't the name of a song?"

This troper was recently discussing why he found it very difficult to find 'cute' girls 'cute' with an acquaintence. Said acquaintence simply shrugs and says "You're just not thinking straight."

This troper tried to explain Roleplaying. Yes, internet stuff, NOT THAT.

This troper has a SheIsNotMyGirlfriend friend. He once began a sentence like this: "When Brooke and I have kids, I mean, probably not with each other..."

@/JapaneseTeeth can think of at least 3 separate instances:

A kid from a band, upon discovering that he was the only person left in his section: #QUOTE#'''Dave:'''You mean I'm going to be the only trom-boner? ''*pause* '' Trombon''ist''.

As a note- I AM the only Tromboner (ist) at my school, and I AM A GIRL. There is a reason that my instrument is the most perverted in the band. Think about it.

Another kid, having busted a sting on his guitar: "My g-string just broke!"

One time, during a music classwhere they were teaching us the basics of guitar, my friend happened to say, "My g-string is stuck in my f-hole!". That line is now a meme within our group of friends.

Same thing happened to me. My friend was coming to my house so we could play guitar.(We have aspirations of starting a band) So before he came over, I was practicing a song, and halfway through, my g-string broke. So, panicking, I called him. Let me remind you, that this is the friend, who, with me, were crowed the Kings of the Double Entendre. So, I call him, and the first thing I say to him is. "DUDE! I BROKE MY G-STRING!" To which he replied, "Why the HELL were you wearing a G-STRING!?"

Then there was the kid in high school who attempted to pantomime putting a shotgun in his mouth. It looked like...something different. "SHOTGUN" became a bit of a school meme after that.

Well, considering the standard hand signal for "shotgun..." well, just check it out here, at 2:00, yeah shotgun becoming a meme because of that I can totally see.

This troper once said "Freudian ''strip''" while talking to her mother. Lols were had.

This Troper's daily converstations are filled with this.

This troper has a tendency to threaten to bang something on the table like a gavel to get people's attention during a particularly noisy conversation. Except I tend to leave out the gavel part when I'm shouting that. "DO I HAVE TO BANG SOMEBODY'S FRIGGING SHOE ON THE TABLE HERE?" Cue uncomfortable silence, and one girl's answer of '... yes...'

Are you Nikita Khrushchev?

well, maybe he is a Time Lord and Russia is his Tardis. Or maybe his shoe! OK, Time Lord, what regeneration are you on...that didn't sound right

This troper had a conversation with a friend regarding Fire Emblem 9/10 that went something like this: #QUOTE#'''Friend:''' "The leaders of the Greil mercenaries are basically the commander, the second-in-command, the commander's little sister..." #QUOTE#'''Me:''' "The commander's pet..." #QUOTE#'''Friend:''' "You mean Soren? He's usually the strategist/staff officer; commander's pet is more like his...night job..."

All three people involved in the discussion broke down laughing, which got us some extremely odd looks.

This troper is completely incapable of coming up with an ''innocent'' interpretation for that.

Any conversation between this troper and a certain group of friends will eventually degenerate into this. Our standard phrase is "Oh wait, that sounds sick." Of course, once this has been said, ''nothing'' sounds innocent any more. The only way to save the conversation is a total change of subject, and even that doesn't always work.

This troper, while advocating gay rights... #QUOTE#'''Me:''' "Damn straight!"

@/YaoiFangirl agrees. Damn those straight people!

This troper was discussing ''{{Mother 3}}'' with her friends. One of the earliest, most basic healing items is the Nut Bread. One of this troper's friends, upon hearing it, said: "''I'm'' a Nut Bread." This troper ''almost'' replied: "Does that mean that if I eat you, I'll get 30 HP?" She managed to catch herself after "Does that mean."

In a subversion, this troper, while discussing his anger about a California Supreme Court case where they overturned a conviction for murder of an eight year old girl, said "I don't like people messing with little girls because I like little girls." This troper, being a lolicon, actually meant it that way.

Eww.

I believe that's called pedophilia...

This troper was discussing the many pieces of FridgeLogic inherent in the ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' books, because it makes her feel better. When discussing her "issues" with cold vampire on human action, she said, concerning the fact that ''Twilight'' vampires are supposed to be crystal-like on the outside: "He'd be rock hard! ...Wait, ThatCameOutWrong."

This troper's brother explained some events from his Speech class. One day, the students were to communicate only with hand and body gestures instead of actual speech. During a class example, one guy who was sitting down in a chair was attempting to tell a girl who was standing up to sit down; he motioned this by leaning back in his chair, holding his hand flat at about head-height, and "pressing" his hand straight downwards. Unfortunately, his hand was hovering over his crotch, and the girl frantically shook her head in refusal. He was totally thrown off guard and spoke because ThatCameOutWrong.

This troper does not like to blow dry her hair. Mainly because her hair is short and dries quickly anyway, and she doesn't see a need to style it. So this troper's mother said "Hey, nice blowjob." There was much facepalming.

This troper remembers a friend once talking about how great the "bondage" at a spiritual retreat she attended was.

This Troper's cousin and his friend from England came for a shopping trip in America. I ''wanted'' to ask them If I could accompany them on their shopping trip. What I said was "Could I go out with you tomorrow?" We all {{Face Fault}}ed for a few seconds. Then the jokes started.

In a non-sexual example, this troper and her friends were discussing the problems with immortality. The subject of drifting aimlessly through the void of space came up, and how tormentuous it would be. #QUOTE# '''This troper:''' You'd probably go mad, just to keep yourself sane! #QUOTE#*beat* #QUOTE#'''This troper:''' ...Wait a minute...

Two examples from the same friend of this troper- #QUOTE# ''(after correctly guessing a quiz answer as "Willie Nelson")'' "My Willie has never let me down!" #QUOTE# "I was playing AloneInTheDark with my Wii..."

One LARP (that's Live Action RolePlay to the muggles out there) This Troper's (male) friend managed to procure a custom-made prop for his mage character. It was surprisingly impressive, prompting my reaction: #QUOTE# '''This Troper''' Hey, can I have a look at your staff?

It wasn't just everyone else's expressions. It was the way he said "Yes."

While discussing Disney/{{Aladdin}}, I was once asked, verbatim, "Does Jafar ever try to use his staff on Jasmine?" It was followed almost immediately by the exact words, ThatCameOutWrong.

Once, while playing charades, this troper drew "The Lord of the Rings". He got through "Lord" just fine, but when he got to "Rings", no one could guess what the circles he was making were. Finally, he tried a "putting a ring on my finger" motion. It was not interpreted correctly.

This troper was once summarizing the ''CampLazlo'' episode "Wedding Bell Blues" to a friend. At the end, when Lumpus and Jane go on their honeymoon, two of the other characters end up dragged along, too. The characters are Slinkman (an adult male) and Raj (a little boy). Leave it to this troper to accidentally say, "Oh, yeah, and Raj and Slinkman went on their honeymoon, too." Nobody wanted to hear any more...

This troper is fond of using awkward/uncommon phrasing for humorous effect and is bisexual. Remember those facts. On the first day back to school after the holidays, she saw a (female) friend whose Christmas gift she had in her backpack; she chose to express this fact by gleefully announcing, "I have a thing for you!" Cue stammered corrections when she realized what she just said. Thankfully, aforementioned friend let it go.

This troper was doing a widely-done note on Facebook where you give 8 facts about someone who asks for it. When his friend had him do hers, the first question was "Name a random fact about the person". Knowing that she almost exclusively wears skirts or sundresses, this troper wrote "You never wear pants."

A nonsexual example; after talking about weird things, I finally said, "Music is one of the things I really like. I'm pretty apathetic about other stuff, like politics." Then my friend said, "Hey, I'm pathetic...wait. Stupid English language!"

This Troper has had a couple of these, one being when one of her friends had broken her arm, and said troper commented on how hard the cast was. #QUOTE# '''This troper:''' ''(Feeling the cast) Wow! It's so hard! #QUOTE#''(Everyone except the troper bursts out laughing.)''

Thankfully, the friend was girl, othewise it would have been worse.

Am I the only one who thought the above troper meant...''something else'' when they said they "felt the cast?"

No, you aren't...

Another time, this troper was answering the phone, and instead of saying 'six', when reeling off the phone number (as she does when she answers the phone), she for some reason said 'sex'. Cue stuttering, and 'I meant six!'. Thankfully, it was a cold call.

Pity the poor New Zealander...

I don't quite understand. By 'cold call', I meant there was no one on the other end.

It means it was someone calling her at random, probably a telemarketer or researcher or something.

During his senior year of high school, this troper discovered the joy of emulators, and put some on the classroom computer. I was playing Tetris Attack, and was being mocked that I wasn't playing on the most difficult setting. Immediately, I reset the game, and selected it, followed by saying, "There, I'm on Hard." Open foot, insert mouth.

This troper, playing a card game with her best friend, left the room to get a glass of water. The friend told her to hurry up already, and she called back 'Hang on a sec'. The friend's response: 'I hate waiting for secs'. Cue laughter and protestations of 'I didn't mean it to come out like that!.

This troper's genetics teacher was describing the definition of "cosanguous" and happened to add, "Cousins and other close relatives mating are a biologist's wet dream". Needless to say, that came out wrong.

This troper does this... a lot. Like, a lot a lot. Generally she'll finish the sentence with "don't think too hard about that, please". Once, while chatting about one of her classmates stoicism, remarked something along the lines of "Yeah, he is ''so'' hard!" Followed by an awkward silence and then some hurried back paddling.

...Back paddling?

This troper once said that she just wanted to go home and be a slug, but her friend heard 'slut.' In an attempt to explain what she really meant, this troper said, "No no, the type that just lies there! ...that came out wrong."

This troper, who works in a genetics lab, remembers talking to a female friend about the pipettes he uses in the lab, including something along the lines of "plunging the tip into the small tube and injecting the fluids." Yeah...

Someone I know on the subject of a teacher not wanting to pay for a student to get into the exam: "(teacher's name) doesn't want to enter her."

At This Troper's college, we don't have "semesters", we have Trimesters. Imagine my father's shock when this (female) Troper came home and he greeted her with "So, how was this Trimester?"

This troper has these a lot, and usually lampshades them. (For example, "don't put that thing in your mouth too far or you'll gag yourself." Speaking of a piece of rock candy on a stick.) In a non-sexual example, one of my friends has Asperger's, and acts very much like another friend of mine from middle school-- my first crush, who also had Asperger's. So I'd had a general vibe off of him for a while. Cue boy A "coming out", so to speak, about being an Aspie-- my first response was "oh, that makes sense!" Unfortunately, I phrased it as "oh, I guessed!" Cue the poor guy being bewildered as to how or ''why'' I was guessing (he doesn't act like any stereotype of anybody on the autism spectrum, except possibly by being bookish and shy, and definitely not the internet stereotype) and me trying desperately to rephrase my statement.

This troper was watching Deadliest Catch the other night. One of the boats was having trouble catching anything, so they went to an area that is named for it's unique shape in the map. This troper's mom came in and she told her "They got a bunch of crabs in the Butt Cheeks."

This troper had a series of these just now when trying to describe something related to Scratch blowing into his hand and making a woman.

Thanks to this troper's exceptional ability to not think things over before she says them and since this is a CovertPervert to boot, this is often inevitable.

Two incidents stick out clearly in this troper's mind. One with her friends in the park, when our basketball fell in a puddle: #QUOTE#'''Me''': Ugh, I hate it when my balls get all ''wet''!

Number two, with a friend of mine and our evil math teacher: #QUOTE#'''Teacher''': You will have to pick partners for this excercise. #QUOTE#'''Friend''': Can we do it as a threesome?

In a chat conversation the line "Candy AND possibly sex with an older man" came up. This troper sadly commented soon after with "preferably at the same time," of course by mistake.

This troper, whilst talking on MSN about having sent a text to a female friend: "just thought I'd whack a quick one off as I've not talked to her today - I'm sure she'll appreciate it"

This troper overheard a story about a guy and a girl getting ready to have an eating contest. The guy, in an effort to trash-talk, wanted to say "I could totally out-eat her!" Guess what he said instead...

This troper used to have the occasional comment come out wrong. Nowadays? I do it on purpose for the lulz. I draw great pleasure from the uncomfortable silence of others.

A friend on the subject of a teacher not wanting to pay money for a student to enter the exam: "[teacher's name] doesn't want to enter her."

Overheard between two children on a bus: #QUOTE#'''Child 1:''' For [some school project], who did you do? #QUOTE#'''Child 2:''' I did my mom! ''(thinks)'' No, I mean like-- #QUOTE#'''Child 1:''' Uhm, yeah.

This troper has one of these tales that particularly stands out. Now all she has to do is say "rub" and all her friends fall into hysterical laughter. #QUOTE# Friend: He's a fun guy to rub (as in, rub the wrong way - irritate)! #QUOTE# Me: ... #QUOTE# Friend: ...That came out wrong.

Attempting to describe a character's special move in a video game, which consists of distracting and/or blinding enemies with a bright flash of light: "She attacks her opponents by flashing them. ...I ''so'' did not mean it to come out like that."

This troper got into an argument with her brother that... degenerated after a while, to the point of flinging random insults. Her brother, who's rather HotBlooded, was more concerned with getting a comeback in than actually coming up with a good one, resulting in this: #QUOTE#'''Me''': I think you're an idiot. #QUOTE#'''Brother''': WELL SO DO I!

This troper works on light crew for plays, which has its own slang. The director (the adult, male director) once felt that the girl in the center was too well-lit. His unfortunate choice of words? "Okay, see how she's really hot?" Followed by making sure that no administrators had heard.

A bit of a variant, but just recently, this troper was discussing with a friend the plausibility of a person being brought back to life. After the below quote, this troper recieved some rather disturbed looks. #QUOTE#'''Me''': Well, you could probably bring somebody back as long as the body's fresh. Wait...

Happens to this troper a lot. One example that sticks out is when she was talking to her sister about a comic she was working on about what characters she would kill off. Her sister was concerned her three favorite would die. I responded with "No one in the threesome will die... wait...."

Back when this troper played WorldOfWarcraft, he was in an Alterac Valley guild group one time when he spotted two full Alliance parties slipping behind the rear lines of the main battle. His reaction was to call out in Ventrilo, "Massive leakage in the rear!" Once everyone stopped laughing, it was set as the guild's MOTD.

Once, I knew someone who was asked what people do when they get bored. Thinking that the term meant "to act like a jerk", he said, "They jerk off."

@/{{Crowley}}, when talking about the ''Transformers'' films: #QUOTE#Megatron has tank-treads on his feet in ROTF, but he only uses them to grind into Starscream...

This troper was talking about ordering food, when one of his close friends/big sis asked if it came already. Add that to the troper's gutter mind and deadpan snarky attitude....

During a heated discussion about Zoey101 and the Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy, this troper made some accidental remarks that sounded a lot like this: -> "I figured they were going to be making a pregnancy episode." #QUOTE#"Once the producers found out she was pregnant, they were all, 'abort ship! abort ship!'" #QUOTE#"I- I meant they pressed the panic button. Um, yeah..."

This Troper is a walking AccidentalInnuendo/ ThatCameOutWrong, much to his family and coworkers enjoyment and his own horror.

This troper had something of a bad experience while attempting to steal a codpiece item in ''Munchkin''. In immediate hindsight, using the word "grab" was a bad idea.

As soon as she heard what she had said, this troper realized that shouting "They were BABIES and I KILLED them" in the school caf was not the smartest thing she had ever said in public. (said babies referred to a nest of baby black widow spiders that had taken up residence in my backpack after I left it in the garage all summer.) Fortunately it was very noisy and few people heard except (crosses fingers) the people who knew what I was talking about.

This troper once saw someone I hadn't seen in a while, and he'd grown sideburns in the meantime. I didn't expect him to have them, so when I noticed I said something like "Hey, you have ridiculous sideburns". When I realised what I did about point-three of a second later, I tried to say this tropes title. Instead I said "Sorry, couldn't resist" or something similar. Way to fix it, genius.

It borders with an unintentional DudeNotFunny, but we were discussing the number of unreported rapes in Sociology and how difficult it is to prove legally. I said that people didn't want to take it all the way to court 'just so their rapist could get off.' When the professor commented 'no pun intended,' I immediately facepalmed.

When watching ''Aladdin'' a girl in my class was talking about the magic carpet. She said: "I love the carpet." ''So Yeah''

This troper's (ALL OVER-18 COLLEGE LEVEL) drama class. Facilitator: "We're going to try an exercise about sexualised, abstract movement." Class: "But-" Facilitator: "No buts, please."

@/PentiumMMX2, when trying out the new kart he unlocked in Mario Kart DS (The Cucumber, which was used by Yoshi), wound up telling his sister that "Yoshi's Cucumber is amazing".

This troper makes comments about stuff and all his friends find sexual references too and they call me sick minded. I don't even know about half the stuff they say! I once said something about doing an English paper and one of them told me I was sick minded, that paper isn't supposed to be used that way. I still don't know what she meant by that.

"doing" is often used the same way as "having sex with"

As a Cadet in the Army Cadet Force, you learn to deal with a lot of these. The funniest one has to be when myself and another cadet were listening to a Sergeant Major explaining how to clean a rifle barrel using a flannelette. Sergeant Major: "And you have to ensure you fold the cloth correctly, otherwise you'll get kinks in it. And you don't want to be kinky now do you?" The other cadet and I looked at each other and we both had to stifle a giggle.

Cleaning out a rifle barrel, eh?

Of course, it could misfire or jam without proper maintenance.

This troper was hanging out with his opposite gender friend and we began singing the {{Spongebob}} F.U.N. song. After "F" was finished, this troper responded "F is for friends who do stuff together, and even though we're friends, we never hang out. We should "F". There were awkward gigles.

This troper had a political discussion with several friends covering money, politics, religion, and homosexuality. While trying to think of other things that didn't normally come up in "polite" conversation, this troper ended up saying "We haven't had an abortion yet! ----- ''wait'', ThatCameOutWrong!" It was awhile before we got back to the actual conversation. (Also, one of the few times in this troper's life that she's witnessed a ThatCameOutWrong that didn't end in everyone laughing at a sex joke. Truth.)

I play cards often with a lot of friends of mine and one of them likes calling 'aces' 'asses' for fun. He had just lost a game, after which he said the following line: #QUOTE# ''Friend'': "If I hadn't had that ass, I'd still be fucked."

DAT ASS!

My mum managed not to finish the sentence, but still- we were talking about a show called ''Lambing Live.'' #QUOTE# My Mum: It's a week of Kate Humble giving birth to...

This troper's Tae-Keon-Do instructor is the absolute ''queen'' of this trope. Some gems form her: #QUOTE#'''On Belts:''' My belt is thicker and longer than yours.:Can a woman be CompensatingForSomething? #QUOTE#'''On throwing a spearhand:''' If you were to thrust your fingers into a part of someone's body, what part would it be?:[[ADateWithRosiePalms Uh...]] #QUOTE#'''On Boards:''' You need to penetrate that board. #QUOTE#'''[[strike:On]] To a boy doing situps:''' ''Faster! Faster! Faster!'' #QUOTE#'''On Self-Discipline, to a group of young students:''' What is discipline? Does it mean when you get a spanking?

As well as one substitute, who was tired of all of the complaining in his class, and said this: #QUOTE#If you're moaning, it means you're enjoying it.

This troper has the following three friends: a perverted friend, an aware-of-and-indifferent-to-perversion friend, and an I-don't-get-it-OH-MY-GOD-YOU'RE-SICK friend. Almost all lunchtime conversations end up with several things coming out wrong... (in a verbal way, sickos. XD)

This troper has a tendency not to fully think through what she is saying before she says it. Upon entering a multiple choice exam she said something along the lines of: We shall descend upon them (the bubble sheets) and defile them with our pencils. Followed almost immediately by: Wait that sounds wrong. It sounded less wrong in my head.

@/ARandomSerf and friends were playing a card game. Feriand A had just screwed up Friend B's plans, prompting him to shout, "You whore!" I, not having been getting very good draws, said, "My hand is the real whore. *{{Beat}}* And I can't believe I just said that."

Mira-chan usually is handed the responsibility of explaining things to her classmates in class. During one Literature lesson, my classmates asked what a chisel was, and then I gave an explanation while miming the usage of a chisel, which my buddies thought looked like some sort of handjob. The phallic shape of chisels does not help things.

She was also present when this little gem was unearthed. #QUOTE#'''Senior''': *rummaging through a box of ice pops* Some of these aren't stiff anymore...

Just now, upon seeing a news bulletin about Coast Guard dogs trained to detect cocaine and marijuana, this happened. #QUOTE#'''Me''': Cool! The dogs were trained to sniff drugs! #QUOTE#'''Mom''': *looks at me weirdly* #QUOTE#'''Me''': ... hehe. Sniff drugs.

A friend and I were watching {{Across The Universe}} and it got to the bit with Prudence on Max's shoulders. I pouted a bit and murmured 'No fair, I wanna ride Max too'...My friend pretty much died.

Considering this is Joe Anderson we're talking about, are you sure that didn't come out ''just right?''

This troper knows a sophomore who would frequently do something like this: (Other person) "This chair has gum stuck on it. Gross!" (Sophomore) "You're gross!" Well, we went into Band and our sectionleader commended, "It's hot in here." He responded with, "You're hot!" While embarrasment ensued, I was laughing beside them.

That sounds like a golden opportunity for a YourMom riposte.

This same troper had this exchnage with a flute buddy during Band class, on the subject of divisions in the music, Me: "You want the top?" Him: "Sure." Me (knowing where this is going): "Okay, I'll take the bottom. I like being at the bottom."

In high school, @/DesertDragon's music class had a unit on TheKingAndI. While listening to "Shall I Tell You What I Think Of You" on cd, it eventually came to this part: #QUOTE#"...Tell us how low to go, Your Majesty #QUOTE#Make some more decrees, Your Majesty #QUOTE#Don't let us up off out knees, Your Majesty. #QUOTE#Give us a kick, if you please Your Majesty #QUOTE#Give us a kick, if you would, Your Majesty #QUOTE#Oh! That felt ''goooood'', Your Majesty!"

Needless to say, the whole class burst out laughing and a student called the King a pimp, and the teacher chided us for having dirty minds. Considering it was cut from the movie, we have no idea what context it's ''supposed'' to be in!

This troper has a friend who does this occasionally, which occasions are followed by me saying something along the lines of "sure you don't want to rephrase that?" It's gotten to the point this troper needs only to raise an eyebrow to prompt the trope title being spoken.

A friend of This Troper has done this more than once in a DeviantArt chatroom. #QUOTE# '''Me:''' Any day you could come over, or something? #QUOTE# '''Friend:''' Coming happens to other people. #QUOTE# * pause #QUOTE# '''Friend:''' Wait...

Not that my friend's the only one good at these. This is on the subject of the European release date (or lack thereof) of TraumaTeam. #QUOTE# '''Person 1:''' Why don't you just import it? #QUOTE# '''Me:''' I can't... Alright, that's it. Person 2, buy me a plane ticket and a hotel room. I ''will'' play doctor, damn it! #QUOTE# '''Person 2:''' ... #QUOTE# '''Me:''' ...okay, I could have worded that better.

I put this one up on True Fail Stories before, but this is quite possibly the stupidest thing I've ever said. I was crashing overnight at the house of a really cute girl I'd met at the Sydney Mardi Gras, and, as I settled on the couch, she casually started stripping in front of me, flirtatiously remarking, "Pardon my tits." In my effort to be casual, the only thing I could think to say was something about how she didn't need to be shy around me, because, of course, I've changed in the presence of other girls before, but, instead, what came out was, "No worries; I've seen worse." ...* le sigh*Yes. I know I fail. I fail at saying what I mean to say an awful lot, actually. I have another story where my remark after having a girl tell me she and her family fled Serbia when she was two to escape the war was, "Oh, cool...* pause where I realise what I just said* I mean, cool that you escaped! N-not cool that there was...war..."

I have gotten to the stage where it's nigh impossible for me to go through a "normal" conversation without my friends or I coming out with one of these. Although rather than use the trope name, I have a tendency to just FacePalm or depending on my mood, smirk creepily.

A friend of this troper, being also a StephenKing fan, was about to go into a two week vacation in a farm, and asked me to lend him a few books. In the next day, in the university, he wouldn't come until after I would leave, so I asked another friend of mine to deliver the books to him (the books being FromABuick8, IT and TheStand. Two of which having over 600 pages). The next day, the first friend comes near me when I was among a group and said "Damn you man, last night you almost broke my back!" Since this troper weights around 100Kg, it's no wonder that some looked cunfused, some went "Ew dude, I didn't know you were into that" and some started to laugh maniacally.

We were doing a science project in class that involved wiring up Christmas lights. She had lent two of her wire strippers out for people to use, and they weren't returned yet. #QUOTE# '''Teacher:''' I'm missing two of my strippers! #QUOTE# ''(stifled chuckles)''

This troper's roommate is made of this trope. Doesn't help that our other roommate interprets everything ''that way''.

She once had a tissue stuck up her nose for a nosebleed, and ended up declaring that "It feels better with it in!"

Another time, someone was giving her a piggy-back ride and asked her to wrap her legs around them. "But my legs won't open that far!"

This troper's best friend and her have a slew of in-jokes. One such joke is to ask the other if they're doing something that "starts with the letter m" as a censored way of suggesting ADateWithRosiePalms, so to speak. Another is to nod as a veiled insult/suggestion that they're wrong. After being asked if she was doing something that start's with an M, she nodded. So, yeah.

While discussing what to have for dinner my dad was said that we had leftovers out the ass. The first thing to come to mind was that we'd have suppositories for dinner. My dad mentioned beef, which lead to me thinking "Oh man, I don't want a beef suppository!". Luckily I didn't say it out loud.

And I just experienced an example, less than a minute ago. So, I'm on Facebook, it's 1:00 am. Me and a couple of friends have yet to finish an assigment. So, as we were bemoaning this, I came in with the line, "We're all fucked." And as my friend began to protest, I finished with, "So lie down and enjoy it." ->I actually realised what I was about to say in my second sentence, as I meant to say something along the lines of "Take it like a man.". But, I looked at it, grinned, and just kept going.

My mom is made of this trope. It is never intentional. She just has no filter. #QUOTE# Mom *Shouts up the stairs* #QUOTE# Me: "mom, who are you talking to to?" #QUOTE# Mom: "Your father, I hope. I know there's a man up there. #QUOTE# Me: *Puzzled look* #QUOTE# Mom: I'll just go up there and see who's in the bedroom tonight." Pauses, as I laugh. "OH, that sounded bad."

My friend got a lot of these during a three-day field trip in high school, but this was the first. Friend A wasn't happy with the sleeping arrangements because she was sharing a double bed with B, the girl nobody likes (who inexplicably ended up with us), while C called dibs on the single bed as soon as she entered the room. I shared the other double with D. So A ended up begging C to swap places with B while D and I watched, but C didn't want to give up the single. Cue her saying, "Trust me A, you do ''not'' want to sleep with me." Cue D and me trying not to laugh and failing. Cue C and A realizing what C said and C laughing about it while A gave us all filthy looks.

When this troper and his mother visited my uncle and his 26-year old girlfriend (now wife) in the hospital after they had their first kid, my mother remarked "Now don't YOU get anyone pregnant!" with the implication that I was still too young for kids. This troper was 27 at the time.

This troper plays Warhammer 40,000, a game where vehicles have special rules and differing armor values depending on the angle you shoot them from, and damage can result in either nothing, a glancing hit, or a penetrating hit. Well, as it turns out, you have to be pretty careful about addressing rear armor, or it comes out like "I just penetrated you in the rear".

Even worse, with 5th edition's rules, you now always hit rear armor on non-Walker vehicles when in assault with them. Considering how many players take Power Fists for anti-tank melee, you get a phrase to the effect of "fisting you in the rear".

In this troper's experience, in a gag contest to see who could come up with the dirtiest rear armor joke, the winner was "My Genestealer penetrated your rear... with Implant Attacks". It's bad enough that Genestealers are essentially the patron ''species'' of the FaceFullOfAlienWingWong trope. Still could've been worse. Two words: Feeder Tendrils.

This Troper once was in the band room with another student, practicing for honor band. When it was time to start packing up, I ended up telling him "So, shall we start going out?" while meaning "So, shall we start to pack up and leave?" He gave me an odd look until I realized what I said and motioned towards the clock, then he seemed to calm down. Made worse by how we were earlier discussing a boy who he was convinced that I had to be dating while I simply chose not to date anybody.

My mum was once explaining to me that she had been awoken by the postman knocking on the door, but the words she actually used were "The postman knocked me up".

My bio teacher was purposely invoking this trope right before starting a month long fly genetics lab with this approximate quote: "So what we're gonna do today is get your [maggots'] parents and kill them."

"I wonder what happens if you shoot off your power early, before you're done?" The comment was in reference to a LimitBreak in a fighting game. Still, the immediate response was: "I think they make pills for that." Followed immediately by, "Sorry, but you walked ''right'' into that one."

This Troper had a really incriminating one. He was talking to a girl he has admitted to having a crush around, and the friends who knew were all standing around nearby. I had to leave town the day before quite suddenly, thus not being able to spend all day with her. The conversation went as follows: #QUOTE# Her: Hey, sorry about yesterday. Are you alright? #QUOTE# Me: Yeah, it came as a bit of a surprise to me. Sorry I had to shoot off a little suddenly. #QUOTE# My friends: What!? #QUOTE# Me: Oh, god, I can't believe I just said that.

One of this trooper's friends once said (to the affect of), "You know 4th period hasn't started untill [I'm] whipping everyone!" But considering that our bio teacher (that's our 4th period) once declared humans and cows second cousins (long story), it wasn't so odd. But.

This troper had one at a Christmas 2010 get-together. My sister, cousin, and I were in the basement trying to get a projector to cooperate. Someone proposed putting it on something, and I said, "Maybe we should put it on [the sister's] chest (referring to a container she'd brought)." Sis's response? "My chest isn't that big." Keep in mind, she's 12 years younger than me, and I'm in my mid-20s as of this writing (the morning after said get-together, in fact). Thankfully, I was able to clarify what I meant... right after we all finished laughing.

This troper sometimes lends himself to awkward moments thanks to this trope. And a rare non-sexual example: A few years back, a friend of this troper's mother was discussing the supposed semantic inaccuracy in the term "X-American" when applied to people born in America. She chose to express her problem with it using a rather unfortunate word choice. "If you were born in America, you aren't turd-American. You're American..." Her brain-to-mouth filter kicked in and she didn't finish that sentence, but I said the last word.

This troper was once asked by a girl how he would feel about going out with her (in the hypothetical). I meant to say that I wouldn't because even though I liked her I would probably do something stupid and ruin the whole thing. What came out was "I'd look really stupid going out with you." She then proceeded to walk away before I realized what I'd actually said.

This just happened to me just yesterday. I was at the lockers with my friend, when our Guidance Counselor shows up. And I... haven't been doing well at school, so I was ''kinda'' avoiding her. She starts up a conversation with my friend about some college stuff, then somehow the conversation ended up about me: #QUOTE# '''Guidance Counselor''': Yeah, she seems to be avoiding me. *grins at me* #QUOTE# '''This Troper''': I haven't been avoiding you miss, I just, you know, ''can't''- #QUOTE# '''Guidance Counselor''': Oh? You can't? *both of them starts laughing* #QUOTE# '''This Troper''': What? Wait, no! It's not like that- I think. No, no, wait, that came wrong! I didn't mean like that ''that''. *much facepalming at myself at this point*

This troper was playing an improv game called "I am a tree" with his theater group yesterday. Basically, to play the game, one person starts out by saying "I am a tree", and another person adds on to the scene with something like "I am the squirrel in the tree", "I am the bench by the tree", "I am the squirrel's acorns", etc. Then we pick one element to keep and begin a new scene again. One game played out as such: #QUOTE# "I am a computer!" #QUOTE# "I am the wooden desk the computer sits on!" #QUOTE# "I am Wikipedia on the computer!" #QUOTE# "I am useless information!" #QUOTE# "I am Wiki Leaks on a new tab!" #QUOTE#At this point, I entered with "I am the curious citizen looking at things he shouldn't!"

To make a long story short, our next few sketches seemed to have the sole purpose of revisiting that little slip in as many ways as possible.

When playing a game with my brother, I shook the dice close to my crotch without realising, making it look like... something else, which he was quick to point out. Made even worse by the fact that I'm a girl.

This tropette once told her dad "You need a stiffer rod." She was talking about a fishing rod he was using to get a suction cup off a light bulb (long story), but it still caused an awkward beat before me, him, and my mom (who was also there) burst out laughing.

A MSN chat went something like this: #QUOTE# Friend: But I am Heracles Karpusi! #QUOTE# Me: By the way, did you know that "karpusi" means "watermelon"? #QUOTE# Friend: Haha #QUOTE# Friend: I'm a watermelon! #QUOTE# Me: *noms* #QUOTE# Friend: DON'T EAT MY MELONS D:< #QUOTE# Friend: ...that sounded wrong. #QUOTE# Me: xD #QUOTE# Friend: xD

I've adopted the use of the exclamtion "Oh, fuck me!" when something goes badly for me. I once used this phrase during a conversation with a female friend of mine (I'm a guy). Lucky for me, she knew I screwed up, and just made a joke out of it. I'm now thinking of abandoning the phrase.

I came out wrong.

When me and my friends were discussing something about the Hetalia cosplay skit we're going to have in some months, we had decided to pre-record our dialogue. We had found out the best way for this would be if one person at a time recorded what they were going to say, and one of us said "Well, let's just go into a sound isolated room, one after one, and do it!" Many lols were had.

This troper often pronounces her 'i' as an 'e'. "Sexpack" has become a meme.

When my friends and I were changing in the locker room, one of them asked if he could lock up his valuables in my locker (since he didn't have one of his own). Unfortunately, I didn't have one either. So what do I say? "I was going to ask you if I could stick mine in yours." Cue hysterical laughter.

This troper has a crippling tendency to say things that accidentally come out to be sexual innuendos (sometimes really disturbing ones) or really charming compliments that... well, come out wrong.

Oh, the joys of talking on the phone to a person who's driving. #QUOTE#Me: We should be done by 5:30. #QUOTE#Mom: Can you get out sooner? ...Come on, you piece of shit!

My little brother just managed to do a non-sexual version of this. We were eating cheesecake with our family, and he was going to ask if he could take some more, but somehow he asked 'Does anyone alse want the cake?' instead. We all cracked up, because ''there was still half of the cake left''. I laughed even more, because this occured right AFTER I had finished reading this particular Troper Tales page.

This Troper was watching TopGear when she was supposed to do homework, resulting in... #QUOTE#Dad: Go do your work #QUOTE#Me: But they're British! I can't resist the British ones....wow ThatCameOutWrong. #QUOTE#Brother: Despite that, most American women would probably agree with you.

This Troper (Tactician) Heard one while visiting the Bill Clinton Presidential Museum with a church group. While the tour guild was talking about Clinton's choice of furniture. #QUOTE#'''Tour Guild:''' Unlike Former President Bush, Former President Clinton liked things that were softer and squishier. #QUOTE#'''This Troper:''' *Loud snerk* #QUOTE#'''Group Leader:''' *Gives this troper a DeathGlare*

This Troper had a particularly epic That Came Out Wrong moment. I am a staff member at a fangame forum. One of the mods was perceived to be worthy of demotion, so I sent him a warning via PM. Because the whole thing came out far more condescending than intended, I got my face ripped, lost privileges, and became a laughingstock to the less kind staff members. Aesop: Don't type things that come out wrong on the internet.

Does anybody remember those Shag Nursing Home commercials? My brother was just begging to let loose an AccidentalInnuendo when he started making fun of the name; he's a DeadpanSnarker, though, so sometimes it's hard to tell when something was on purpose or not... this was not one of those times, since his expression very clearly read OhCrap after letting this one fly: #QUOTE# "I love shag. Not the shag carpet, I mean old people. I love shag old people."

This troper and her friends were coming back from afterprom (which lasted from about 12-4 AM). I have a tendency to say really weird, non-sensical, or easily misunderstood things when I get really tired, which I was doing as one of my friends said I needed to go to sleep. I slurred this out and hilarity ensued: #QUOTE#'''Me''':''(totally out of it)'' "Well, I'm pretty quiet once you get me laid down." .

One of my former (male) classmates could never live down this hiccup (though granted, reciting awkward lines from each other was a constant RunningGag). His intention was to tell one of my other (male) classmates that he'd really like to shove him painfully against one of the walls that separated the benches lining the corridors (which was another recurring act), but it came out as the following: #QUOTE#"I would ''sooo'' thrust you right now."

The choir director at the church I attend (recently retired now) was a gal who looks very strict when you first meet her and has a screechy voice to match (with all due respect), but is quite the funny lady once you get to know her. I stress, though, that she doesn't seem that way at first. Anyway, my Dad, the organist, thinks that the best slip-up she's ever made is this one. She had stopped the choir (made up of adult men and women from the church) because the women were coming in too soon and it was throwing the men off. She'd tried to fix this problem several times and was probably a bit fed up, so this time she stopped them and yelled straight-out and proud, "Ladies! Don't beat me to the men!" I don't think she'll ever live it down, but she thinks it's as funny as we do and that's why we love her.

The following conversation occurred today while talking about dancing: #QUOTE# '''Me''': Okay, one day, when your parents are gone, we're gonna go in the basement and LET LOOSE!....wait, that sounds wrong. Okay, we're gonna DANCE and let loose!....STILL sounds wrong! #QUOTE#'''Friend''': How 'bout, 'we're just gonna dance?'