This troper, whilst holding a spoon and contemplating how to slaughter the denizens of [=~4Kids Entertainment~=] for the abomination that was Mew Mew Power: "Yes... I'll, I'll sharpen this spoon, and, and cut all their hearts out with it... ahahahahahahahaha..."

"Such a fine appendix you have there. I would hate to have to remove it with this cup"

See that? *points to stomach* I will tie it into a balloon animal, use it as a float, rape you with this fuel}} television, and shank your testicles off with a sheet of friggin' wax paper! OR: I will Rip out your tummy, replace it with a piranha, eat the piranha and then empty my bowels in your mouth whilst you fall into an acid covered trash compacter made of rusty nails! Hai.

This Troper once tried to quote Dragon BallZ The Abridged Series on his friend, but it didn't really work...

This Troper often uses threats such as "I'll carve out your soul and drink it in a tea cup." or "I'll tear out your small intestine and use it to strangle you."

I use the same one. Exactly the same. Just out of curiosity, do you sometimes append, "And then nail your arms to your eyes"?

I'm going to kill you with my teacup?

Never added that before. And Riddick had nothing to do with it... at least This Troper doesn't think it did.

This Troper's sister once uttered the phrase "touch the hair and I'll murder you with my bare finger nails."

This troper sometimes uses threats such as "I'll rip you'r lungs out and beat you to submission with them".

I'm rather fond of "Mess with me and I'll chew your face off!", or the massively more ridiculous "I'm going to kick you in the crotch so hard you'll be sneezing babies for a week!" of course said in a over-the-top scottish accent.

This troper's most common threat is to "impale you on a dictionary."

This troper tends to use "carve out your eyes with a toothpick and mail them to your family" and "I am now going to rip out your spine through your nose. It might take a few tries, so hang in there."

This troper's threats (to others and self) tend to get rather... fanciful. And disturbing. "Take a power drill to your belly button", "put your coffee mug through your face", "cut your face off and nail it to the wall", "cut ''my'' face off with a band saw and put it back on upside down"...

Also, as of late, "I will disembowel you and pack your limbs inside your torso like a suitcase." Makes no effing sense. But fun to say.

This troper once said "I'll pin you to a museum wall like the pathetic insect that you are. Parents will tell their children "that's what a tyrany looks like, but don't be afraid, (my name) saved us from this one. Glory to me, oblivion for you!". To put this in perspective, he had said that he was going to brainwash me.

What, no "your fate will be whispered by mothers in dark places to frighten their young"?

This troper is fond of, "Your suffering will be legendary". Also, "I will attend your funeral" and "I will ensure that your funeral is a closed-casket affair".

I usually go for the classic "don't fuck with me, else you'll get such a heaping dose of Rainbow-Colored Brick to the face, you'll be singing ''Wizard of Oz'' ditties for a week"...that is, when I'm in a ''good'' mood...

This troper absolutely fucking HATES people in his neighborhood who play loud, shitty rap music in the wee hours of the morning. (Not that there's much for GOOD rap music.) Two choice things he has yelled off the back porch are "I'll chop off your balls and use them as ear plugs" and "Motherfucker, I will rip your cock off and shove it up your nose".

This troper's favorite threat: "I will tear off every one of your fingernails with a pair of rusty pliers and pour acid into the gaping, weeping wounds."

One of my friends is now infamous for her rant: "I hope one day... you FALL DOWN... and two nails pierce through your eyeballs and INTO. YOUR. BRAIN! And then you'll BLEED and DIE!"

This troper's ''grandmother'' was apparently fond of the occasional threat to "tear off your arm and beat you with the bloody end of it". Oh, grandma. I love that woman like crazy.

This Tropette is fond of threatening to rip arms off and beat people with them. She also employs "If you don't shut up, I will rip your vocal cords out and STRANGLE YOU WITH THEM!" as well as "I will cut your kidney out with a rusty garden rake!" Good times, good times.

Also, I've been threatening to "Knee you in the crotch so hard your grandsons'll be singin' soprano." Several people have pointed out to me that that is physically impossible, but I don't care.

Also, "I will hurt you in places you didn't know you had nerve endings."

This Troper's favorite tends to be 'I will tear out your tongue, string it up and wear it around my neck as a trophy and a warning.'

This Troper's best is "I'll rip out your lungs and feed them to you."

This Troper prefers "I will find you when you least expect it and I will bring Batman with me." Batman is badass to the ''extreme''.

One that "this troper" has been waiting to use is "I'm gonna rip your throat out, and use it as a condom while I skullfuck you!" If you're gonna be violent, then why not be colorful?

"I will kill you with a cheese grater!" Though this troper is not sure she will have an opportunity to use it outside of friendly mocking.

This Troper's friend has a lot of odd threats, putting odd accentuation on key words in the insult and each one somehow connecting to the previous threats, I.E., "I'll take this PENCIL, and shove it up your ASS! Then, I'll take your ASS, and shove it up your DICK! Then, I'll take your DICK..." And so on and so forth. His best threat was a full five minutes of him starting with a fork in the eye, and ending with robot Jesus riding on a My Little Pony crossbred with a three headed shark killing the insulted with a shotgun that shoots flaming ninjas. Also, my personal favorite is: "IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP, I WILL SERIOUSLY RIP OFF YOUR JAW AND USE IT TO DESTROY AN ARMY, GOD DAMN."

Nice biblical allusion.

This troper was playing a game of {{Diplomacy}} at a club in school. One of the club members was playing Austria-Hungary and this troper was playing France. The aforementioned club member threatened that if I didn't let him have four supply centers (Italy and Munich), then he would invade Spain, a project that would take five turns if I didn't intercede.

This troper will annihilate you right in the head.

Nadir}} This Troper is fond of such threats and has once said "I'll kick you in the groin so hard that they have to remove your tonsils to check you for testicular cancer."

This troper once threatened her teacher with the phrase "I will beat your ass...WITH A SPOON!" whilst holding up a spoon in dramatic manner and pointing at it with my free hand while we were funning around. Needless to say, the teacher took it seriously and I wound up in seclusion, where she... fell on the floor laughing. I'm also quite fond of "I'm going to hit you in the mouth so hard your grand-kids are going to need dentists!"

This editor is quite fond of "Mess with me and I'll snap your arm off like a twig and beat the crap out of you!"

This troper likes to stick with "I'm gonna hang you upside-down and beat you like a pinata 'till candy comes out!"

This troper sometimes uses "I'll chew a hole in your chest, screw it, and ejaculate in your lungs 'till you drown!" Also "I'm going to scrape your scalp off with my nails and use it as a napkin!"

Mine: " I will strangle you with your own EYE..." ( Y' know, the... part that attaches it to the brain. The nerve? Optical nerve strand?... Idk.)

" Mom, shut the knife drawer." " Why?" " Because I will gut [my sister] and wear her guts for JARRETELLS if you don't." " I'll get the key."

" There are five ways to kill a man with his own femur. I will now demonstrate one of them on you."

" I'll choke you with your own foot!"

This troper will find you one day with you and your beloved anime and: go berserk, and smash you to bits, fire a big damn gun at your corpse and then Geass God so he erases all knowledge from your mind and returns you as a slobbering idiot who cannot answer 2 + 2 and Matsuda will shoot you nonfatally and then Ryuk will write your name in his Deathnote.

fyi, the person mentioned above never leaves his home anymore and refuses to read anything but Japanese stuff. He does nothing but translate visual novels. Waste of life and intelligence, it makes this troper sick

A couple of weeks ago, this troper came up with this gem: "I'll rip your heart out through your mouth and put it back in from the other end!"

This troper has assured his fiancee that, should she ever die or disappear under mysterious circumstances, "My vengeance will inspire operas." This troper is well aware that it's not the sort of line that he could use in the real world, as he encounters very few BigBad types there. However, he could die with a smile if he is ever able to deliver the line under appropriate circumstances.

This troper has also wished to promise: "Do that again, and the last sight to greet your dying eyes will be of me feasting on your still-beating heart."

This troper likes to use: "I will impale you with a brick" and "I will grab your foot and shove your whole leg up your butthole".

This troper's brother once threatened to beat him to death with his drumsticks. I replied with "You hit me with your drumsticks, and I'll beat you so hard that you'll be sneezing out of your belly button!" Unoriginal, but it was still fun to say.

It's not uncommon to hear this troper say "I'm going to disembowel you through your ass with a rusty crowbar while I set you on fire and dogs eat you alive after you've been impaled on super-charged spikes wrapped in barbed wire with your hands nailed to your back and one of your ribs removed!"

In this troper's fanfic/ CrisisCrossover, a character named Zeltha V swears he will "cut out Axis' (from Sara Douglass' series The Wayfarer Redemption) heart and eat it with a fork and knife, and maybe that will, in being so much more vile than your murder of your brother, bring back my cousin. You never tried to turn him good, you were so blind with rage." Axis at the end wishes Zeltha had just done that. Oh no, Mister Starman, you get a lot worse than that!

From when This Troper worked at a restaurant, he had a whole little speech: "If I see one more half-eaten steak--''one''--I am going to grab the first two things at hand which at the moment are [(a ladle and a collander/a bunch of corncob holders and a dish sponge/a pair of salad tongs and a turkey baster) pick example of choice] and start giving surprise appendectomies to everyone within fifty yards, pro-bono."

This troper has used "my scarf will devour your soul", "strap you to something extremely uncomfortable and dissect you with a blunt scalpel" "stab you to death with this plastic spoon" and my favorite, "stop or i will sing opera at you"

This troper is shocked by the lack of metaphysical threats here. Personally, he likes cursing people in Lovecraftian methods.

"I am going to hurt you so badly you will wish you were dead! Then you WILL be dead, because I will have killed you so hard, that you'll just be a puddle of blood! And then, I will keep you in a jar, and throw you at people I don't like!"

Another threat that is too ridiculously long to describe ends up with the victim hanging from a tree by a rope tied to his teeth without a lower jaw or any limbs and covered in burns.

Not exactly a threat, but This Troper has once used "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits."

This Troper tends to make up new ones every day; The few times that he has actually had to use them, he tends to combine them with the HannibalLecture and TheSlowWalk, as well as the SlasherSmile all the while... #QUOTE#"I am going to do things so terribly,horrendiously erotic to you that porn stars will simultaneously scream in terror and in ecstasy. There will be jars of honey, wooden dowels, tasers, and a small spoon, c* ck-rings, piercings, cellphones, and small toys, spreaders and ball-gags and ''copious'' amounts of rope, ribbon, and twine. It will be broadcast and podcast live across the world and across the 'net, and when it reaches your poor parents' eyes they won't know whether to wank themselves stupid or cry at the sight of their child being so fiendishly defiled. Do I make myself eminently clear? I will drive from you every fetish that you adore and force into your brain ones that repulse you ''until you begin to accept them if only so I will stop.'' You have earned no mercy and I shall give none; There will be blood and tears and seed and honey and sweat and water and mayonnaise and any other fluid that I can get my greasy little mits on and they will be '''''used'''''. Do I make myself...absolutely...''crystaline''?"

Unsurprisingly, He's also the hugest pervert out of all his friends, talks about porn quite often and announces his nightly masturbation sessions by saying "Happy fun pr0n time!" and is quite, quite good at {{Squick}}-ing out even those who know him best. Except his girlfriend- she has proven unsquickable. Gods, he loves her.

Why do I keep hearing this spoken by Adrian Veidt?

(Same troper who posted the rant) Probably because I have a similarly huge vocabulary as him and know how to use it. :D

This Troper's high-school biology teacher began threats with "There are OneHundredAndEight ways to kill a human being with a popsicle stick." It caught on.

"Try anything funny, and I'll rip your balls off and shove them down your throat." "Do that again and I'll use your rib cage as a guiro!" "I swear, I will rip your spine out and use it as a xylophone!" This troper has weird friends.

This troper will mail you to all fifty states!

"If you don't leave right now, I swear by almighty God I will find a way to strangle you with this wireless mouse."

-blinks and clears throat- Once I accomplished delivering this to a friend who had nailed me with a water balloon in December. Ahem: "Oh. You think you're funny, clever boy? Let me tell you something. The things I am imagining doing to you are most likely legal in every state because someone would not assume anyone would be so damn psychopathic, with so few morals, as to attempt such foul treatment, nor would anyone care to deserve such a fate. But you, my friend, I am experiencing an epiphany. I have seen the light. And the light was Michael Tyson, and so myself and the light shall beat into you a new definition of "pain". I will tourniquet and guillotine every single part of your body that is sprouting from your torso, save for your neck. I will carve out your neck with a pen, making an inky gash-hole. And then I will stab it again. With my ''dick''. However, you will be spared of all but the dick-shank, provided you get me a fucking TOWEL!"

This is part of this troper's daily dialogue. Usually it's along the lines of "strangle you with your own intestines" or "castrate you with a splinteery wooden spoon." In a noteworthy {{Eviler Than Thou}} moment, a friend of mine threatened to eat my firstborn (FYI, I dont't have kids) with a spork (or something), to which I immediately responded, "Not if I eat it first. With chopsticks." *{{PsychoticSmirk}}*

I once wondered out loud, at random, "Do you think you could rip someone's arm off and beat them to death with it?"

"Stab you in the eyes. With lasers. And ''bears''," is this troper's standard starter. Being a physically unimposing little nerd, obviously I don't use these very seriously. However, I sometimes scale up from there in increasing levels of absurdity just to horrify people with the way my mind can work, even if I can't actually do anything to them.

I shall tear out the lower end of your intestinal tract through your rectum, nail it to a bridge and drop you off so gravity forces you to crap out your own digestive system.

This troper has several, starting with the mundane: "I'll beat you to death with a large blunt object!", to the typical: "I'll rip off your arm/leg and beat you to death with it!", to the outright bizarre: "I'll beat you to death with your own head!", "I'll scoop out your eyes and ''skullfuck you''!", "I'll stick my foot so far up your ass, you'll have to open your mouth so I can tie my shoes!", "I'll kick you so hard you'll be swallowing with three Adam's apples!", "I'll hit you so hard, your ''ancestors'' will bleed!", "I'll beat you in ways your mama never tried and your daddy only dreamed about!", "I'll tear your heart/lungs/spleen out through your nose!", and my favorite joke to my son: "I'll hang you upside down by your toes from the ceiling fan!" or "I'll kill you until you are dead!" (I know that last one's from a movie but I can't remember which one, any tropers out there know it?) Then there's an oldie but a goodie, "I'll hit you so hard when you wake up your clothes will be out of style!"

The quote's from ''HotShots Part Deux''. It was originally said by ''Saddam Hussein'': "I'll kill you until you die from it!"

This troper has just one: "I will feed you chili so powerful that it will make you shit out your large intestine, which will then ''burst into flame'' from the sheer heat of the spices you have consumed and ejected."

And from a webcomic I read once: "Put the goddamn cellphone down or so help me I will shove it so far up your colon you'll be farting free minutes for a week!"

I'm gonna fuck you up so bad you'll be slower than a retarded tortoise!"

"I am gonna cunt-punt you so hard your grandchildren will be barren!"

"I'll hit you so hard you'll travel back in time and when your past self sees what has happened to his body he'll die of shock. You'll die ''yesterday''."

Good one for a police officer: "I will shoot you into tiny pieces and fine the pieces for littering."

"I'm going to kick your ass so hard you'll be shitting out your penis!" and, conversively: "I'm going to kick you in the nuts so hard you'll be pissing out your ass!"

Overheard: "I'm gonna kick you in the crotch so hard you'll have to open your mouth to take a leak."

"I'm going to castrate you with a potato masher!"

A friend's "I will castrate you with a rusty spoon" became "castrate you with a wooden spoon."

"I'm going to give you an uneccessary amputation with a cheese grater!"

Oh I thought I was the only one using cheese grater threats. "I'm going to do horrible things to you with a cheese grater!"

"I will give you a cheesegrater enema!"

"I'm going to kick your nipples off!"

"I won't give you a hug!"

"I will shove this umbrella up your ass and open it!"

"I'm gonna reach down your throat and start ripping out organs till I get to something vital!"

"I'll make sure none of your internal organs remain internal."

"I'm going to cut off your appendages one by one with a butter knife. A PLASTIC butter knife!"

"I swear to God Almighty and His Highest Holy Choir, I will saw your balls off with a sheet of paper!"

"If you don't knock it off, I will shove your head so far up your ass, it comes back out your neck!"

"I will stick that pole (a large flagpole) somewhere 'very' unpleasant"

Made better recently, when a guy I was using it on let his imagination run wild with it out loud.

"If you do that again, I swear to God, I will beat you to death with an orange!"

"I'm going to start wounding you now. I'm not sure IF I'll stop, let alone WHEN"

"I will rearrange your organs into numerical order"

"I swear to me that I will find a way to kill you with a flower necklace

"I will SHANK YOU with this! (Troper was holding a styrofoam cup)

"I am going to knock you unconscious with a styrofoam packing peanut!"

"I will strangle you and beat you to death with your corpse!"

Same troper, another favorite of mine is "I will castrate you with a stapler!" (other object are occasionally used, but the stapler was the first and favorite)

"I will rip your body to shreds, and then feed the shreds to rabid wolves, and then kill the wolves, and then throw the wolves' carcasses down a glacial crevasse!"

"I will kill you with a plastic soda bottle in many different and creative ways."

"I will rip off your arm with my teeth, and then rape you with it 'till it comes out from your mouth."

"I will shave all your boy 'till you run out of skin, then season you with salt and dump you in a pool of acid."

"If you don't shut up right now, I will rip your arm off and beat you to death with it!"

"You say that again, I'm gonna take this bottle, break it, and sodomize you with it. Do we have an understanding?"

"Look, I'm a peaceful man, but that won't stop me from tearing out your femur and strangling you with it."

"Think of it this way, if you say 'goodbye', and walk away, you get to go about your business like none of this ever happened. You do anything else, the same things gonna happen, only tomorrow, you'll wake up hanging from a ceiling in an undisclosed location, via a number of meat hooks embedded into your limbs, and I'm gonna set up an armchair and watch you bleed. So pick one, either one really, because I don't have any plans for tomorrow, and it's fixing to be a really boring day."

"We're not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we're going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks." Yes, General George S. Patton really said that.

Seen on numerous signs: "Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy." Every parent's worst nightmare?

"I swear to God, I will drag your ass into a church and choke the life outta you RIGHT IN FRONT OF JESUS!"

"I'm gonna strangle you with a brick!"

"I shall tear out the bottom end of your intestinal tract, nail it to a tree and force you to walk round it."

"I'm going to rip your arms of and punch you to death with your own fists."

"I'm going to skin you alive, eat your intestines like noodles, drench you in gas then light you on fire while crushing your kneecaps with a bat!"

"I will strangle you with your own intestines!"

"Have you ever tried to pick up your teeth with broken fingers?"

In college, a roommate's buddy kept using my towel to plug up the gap under the door. I finally told him, "If you throw my towel on the floor one more time, I will shove it so far up your ass you'll be able to wipe your mouth without using your hands."

"I will tear you in half and stab one half with the other half!"

"I'm going to force feed you barbed wire till it comes out your ass, then grab both ends and ''floss you to death!''"

"If you don't get out of bed this instant, I'll throw you down a mile long razor blade into a pit of rubbing alcohol!" (This troper's father on Sunday mornings.)

"I will kill you, feed you to rabid wolves, kill the wolves, burn their corpses, and then chuck their ashes down a bottomless glacial crevasse!"

"If you don't get out of the way, I am going to string you up by your toes, use you as a pinata, pluck out every single one of your hairs, make you eat all of them, and then smear you with honey and leave you for the wasps!"

My friend had a good one, once - "I will get you pregnant and punch you so hard in the stomach you will regurgitate a grown man." Note that this was a girl, to a dude.

"Tell me what you want for your birthday or I'll slice the skin off my forearms, cure it into a belt and CHOKE you with it!". She did, folks. She did.

So how's the forearm-skin-belt working out so far?

"If you don't watch your tongue I'll make it stick out of your butthole!"

This troper is just waiting for an opportunity to say to a human, instead of a videogame character, "If I catch you doing X, ''I will make you wish I hadn't''."

After a friend's boyfriend broke up with her, all of my friends rallied around her in mutual hatred of her ex, producing such gems as "I will kick him so hard in the crotch, all his nuts will be good for is a flap to keep the dust out of his ass."

"If you don't shut the fuck up right now I will stab you in the MOUTH and use your blood vessels to SEW IT SHUT." My best friend is FULL of these.

"I'll cut off your dick, grind it into a pulp, and pour it down your throat!" Little sisters are so cute.

This troper has used a few, most notably "I'm going to rip out your spleen and pimp-slap you with it."

This Troper's friend used to use "I will kidney-stab you in the face'' as a generic joke death-threat.

"I swear to God, I am this close to beating you to death with my peace medallion."

"I'll eviscerate you with a rusted plastic spork."

Me and my friend came up with some interesting revenge ideas for her ex...

"Ill set his dick on fire and shove a chainsaw up his ass"

"Ill cut his heart out with a spork and throw it off a tall building"

"Ill chop his balls off with a rusty knife and make him eat them"

"Ill shove my hair straighteners up his ass and leave them on until he cooks"

"I swear I will punch you in the soul if you keep this up," combined with a death glare, is fairly effective at getting people to stop annoying This Troper.

This troper has a few, from the SchlockMercenary inspired "Kill you all over the room. The coroner is going to have to use ''evidence bags''", through the "mid-range" threats like "I will pop your eyeballs, set fire to your sinuses and burst both eardrums. The only reason you won't be screaming in agony is that the pain will make you pass out before your vocal cords get unstuck" and "I'm going to break every singly bone in your body with my bare hands. Including the little ones in your wrists which are surprisingly hard to do", to the ones I only use when I'm ''really'' not happy: "You will never sleep soundly again, for I will do things that will cause you to wake up screaming so hard your throat bleeds, every night. For the rest of your life. And you might want to end the agony by dying, but you will be too scared to go into that long dark, in case I'm waiting for you" and "I am going to rip your genitalia from your body, rub coarse sea salt into the wound, then lightly sautee said genitalia with paprika and crushed black pepper and feed it to you with new potatoes, asparagus and a chilled Riesling (men only)/ Pinot Noir (ladies). ''Then'' I'm going to get ''nasty''."

This Troper once threatened someone by telling her that, if she (the troper) could have it her way, the girl would be burning in hell, being raped up the ass by the Devil's Pitchfork. ''And not the handle part, either''. She's also said something to a lesser "Eternal Punishment" extent to a male friend. He was boasting about something or the other, and the troper promised him that if he didn't shut up about it, she's personally feed him his own man bits for dinner. ''Why, yes,'' I ''am'' a raging psycopath~! :3

I have threatened or proposed, more than once, something along the lines of "rip his dick off and dent his skull with it!" We've also joked about turning an antique mole trap on a family Acceptable Target, and I once used a set of expressions that eventually evolved into "Well, castrate me, lobotomize me with my dick and hurl 'em both off a cliff while I watch!"

Care for three?

This Troper tried to invoke this on her dad when they were messing around, but it came out wrong. (She said "you'll have to breathe through your lungs." She meant that they'd be in front of his face.) He replied, "And when I'm done with you, you'll be walking on TWO LEGS!"

A friend, who meant well but talked too much even for HER, was annoying the living funnel cake out of This Troper. Eventually she snapped, saying "Shut up, alright? I will steal your SOUL, okay?! Shut up or I will STEAL YOUR SOUL!"

Finally, from an MST that she's writing of MyImmortal, one character comments yet again about how much she wants this to be over. That lead to this: "You are going to plant your ass in that cushion and stop whining, or so help me I will grab you by your upper and lower jaws and pull at them beyond their breaking point, so that you bleed and bleed and DIE, and then inside your mouth will a demon be cast, opening a portal TO HELL that will CONSUME YOU COMPLETELY. IN YOUR OWN MOUTH. I WILL MAKE YOU EAT YOURSELF."

Make it four. A classmate was pissing her off for a stupid reason, and she finally shouted, "I will ram my fist up your urethra!" Best reaction she's ever gotten.

This Troper and his friends have a few:

"Don't make me lobotimize you with this candy cane."

"May rabid space goats devour your liver!!"

"I shall tear out your soul, nibble on it, and then beat it with that desk!"

"I shall replace your heart... with a hampster... a LIVE hampster... with delicate and pricise surgury... using only that table!! And then I will steal your shoe."

This is my favorite kind of threat. I once threatened to beat a kid to death by tying a cougar and an eagle together to make a flail of sorts.

This troper once said "Would you like me to smash your liver with a rusty hammer?" Unfortunately there was nobody to say it to.

I own a forum, and I have a very persistent troll, who I banned and he keeps spamming my inbox asking to be unbanned. After a few increasingly less polite replies to him, my final reply was "Contact me again and I will shove a copy of the forum's rules up your ass sideways!!"

This Troper's current standby is "I will bludgeon you to death with a goddamn tire iron!". My most colorful one so far though was a threat towards my friend's new boyfriend..."I will cut your back open with a rusted butter knife, grab you by the shoulder blades, throw you into a wood chipper, but pull you out as soon as you've lost your legs. I will then proceed to tear your shoulder blades out the rest of the way with my bare hands. And then you will bleed to death, screaming in agony, while I sip on fine wine and watch you like my favorite soap opera, laughing madly. That is what will happen if you hurt her."

I occasionally shout "I will loot your corpses!" at enemies in [=RPGs=] in a manner not un-akin to AxeCop's shouting of "I will chop your heads off!"

This troper likes "Do X again and I will redefine your tragically extended final moments as pain and misery." Usually followed by: (Beat) "I'm not only going to kill you, but I will do it in such a way that it hurts for a really long time before you finally die."

And also, "I will mail you to all 50 states." (Beat) "SIMULTANEOUSLY"

This troper likes, "When I'm through with you, there won't ''be'' a body to recover". He also likes, "I will rip your balls off, fry them, and shove them down your throat, pan and all!"

Classic standby: I'll tear off your arm and beat you to death with the soggy end! It was referencing something, but I can't remember what.

Years of dealing with bullies made death threats my usual greeting, great language knowledge made my greetings elaborate: "Another word and I'll hang you to the nearest lamp pole. By the ears." ->'''Friend:''' ... and what if I splashed you with water? ->'''Me:''' then I'd splash you with your own blood. ->'''Me:'''Please, stop that. ->'''Friend:''' Or what, you're going to shove your hand in my mouth and pull out my stomach? ->'''Me:''' Dear God, no. Where do you get such ideas from? That's terrible. And it's not as terrible as it is illogical. I mean, if I were to put my hand deep enough in your throat, then my hand would be ''inside'' your stomach. I couldn't possibly pull it out. Unless, of course, I were to poke my way out your stomach wall, grab it, turn it upside-down'''and then''' pull it out. But before that I'd better cut the connection to your intestine, or else all your digestive organs would come out, while I wanted only the stomach.

Two favourites: "I'm going to shove your head so far up your ass you can lick your own tonsils!" and "I will take you for a drive in the country and hang you by the guts from the first electric fence I see!"

This troper's brother used to have a friend that liked to threaten "I'm going to shoot you right between the nose!"

This troper threatens to kill people with wooden spoons, cardboard rolls, spools, erasers, and other things that are around. Sometimes a combination thereof. Usually wooden spoons.

'''''I'LL MURDER YOUR FACE WITH A TOOTHBRUSH.'''''

On that note, "I feel inclined to inform you that should you not silence your big bazoo within the next 60 seconds, I shall drive this pen so deep into your skin that your lungs will be circulating ink for the next month."

"Fuck you up the ass with a rusty chainsaw." Alternatively, "with a pineapple."

Also, "I'll kick your face in so hard it will come out of your ass."

"I'll kill you, cut you into pieces, feed you to rabid dogs and burn their poop."

"I'll castrate you with a pair of scissors!"

When this Troper's very good friend tweeted a suicide note (thank god it didn't work), this troper was going crazy out of her mind when her friend didn't pick up the phone, so she could talk her friend out of it. Through the 10 minutes (felt like 10 years) that the phone was ringing, this troper was muttering "if you killed yourself, I'm going to kill you." Realizing the humor of her statement was the only thing keeping her sane at the moment.

I came up with a rather odd exclamation, which I then later adapted into this kind of threat. -> Me: "Ow, you stabbed me in the knife!" -> Which then became "I will stab you in the knife." Just for lulz.

The TropeNamer has become a RunningGag between my sister and I. I'm still working on my two BFFs at college, especially since one of them repeatedly jokes about killing herself and/or castrating my ex-boyfriend with a spoon.

"Yes, I can't beat you up, but your soul will be so delicious to rend."

I tend to threaten to "impale you upon your own pencil. Then, I will remove all your internal organs and give them to people you hate so they can eat them. I will feed your flesh to sharks and your blood to mosquitoes."

"First, I'll slowly chop off your fingers, one by one. Then, I'll shove them in groups of two up your ears and nostrils, and then one each up your asshole and your dick, even if you don't have one. Then, I'll inject paint into your eyes, and not the nice, modern type of paint, but that old type of paint from some hundreds of years ago that apparently contained various toxins. After that, I'll spoon out your paint-filled eyes, ad force-feed you them while I slowly rip off the skin on both your arms and legs. An if you're still alive after all of this, I'll lower you into a vat full of acid, feet first."

"I WILL RIP YOUR LIMBS OFF AND THROW YOU INTO THE DEAD SEA."

This Troper has taken to using "I'll cut your appendix out with a gummy worm, castrate you with the blunt side of a Snickers, and gauge your eyes out with my cock" as his "please stop talking to me" threat.

If you try that, then I'll have to rip you lungs out. ''Through your ears.''

And shove them back through his nose, no doubt.

Tropers/AdelePotter would like to thank you all for making her laugh so hard she almost pissed herself.