My British Literature teacher in 12th grade, Mr. Glaser, said so many puns, we kept score on the white board in the back of the class. It would be impossible to name them all here. Within the first semester, we reached 100 puns.

My friends and I are terrible about this anyway, but we have this game where we watch horror movies and see who can make the best/worst pun when a character dies. So far the champion was crowned during a viewing of Sleepy Hollow, when a severed head rolled between Johnny Depp's legs and one of my friends gleefully cried "Johnny just got head!"

The only reason I got my Doctorate of Mathematics Sciences was so I could perform operations.

This Troper said one accidentally this past Friday during a SpiritOfTheCentury game. A fellow player and I managed each to roll a 5 (that's a high roll in game) so I said "Nice! High ''five'' dude!" and it was pointed out to me afterwards.

I was reading fmylife.com today and I saw this one: #QUOTE#"Today, my friends thought it would be a good idea to make fun of a homeless man. I didn't fancy making fun of the less fortunate, so I stayed a bit back. Still, the homeless man didn't think it would matter to throw a rock at me after my buddies ran away. FML."

One guy commented and said: "That wasn't very gneiss of the bum. Sounds like he took it for granite that he was hitting someone who picked on him. Ore he could have just been expressing his sediments."

It seems schistty, but it was too slate for him to throw rocks at the other guys. He would have pumiced. Of quartzite say this, but shale agree. Sorry, I had to.

Either a Geology major or a Dwarf Fortress player.

I was watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. The first thing that passed through my lips when Hermoine walked down the stairs is that dress: "Something sexy this way comes."

"By the pricking 'tween my loins, something sexy this way comes."

I love to do these, and I normally get groans.

This tropette's science teacher was teaching us beginner's chemistry when someone pointed out they were missing some materials. The conversation went somewhat like this: #QUOTE#'''Teacher:''' Now, for this project, you'll need a funnel. #QUOTE#'''Student:''' We don't have a funnel. #QUOTE#'''Teacher:''' No funnel? *checks* Yes, you do. #QUOTE#'''Student:''' I do? *beat* What's a funnel? #QUOTE#'''Teacher:''' You don't know what a funnel is? #QUOTE#'''Student:''' No... #QUOTE#'''Teacher:''' You REALLY don't know what a funnel is? #QUOTE#'''Student:''' Why are we talking about funnels? #QUOTE#'''Teacher:''' Because it's ''fun''-nel.

There is a website called woot.com which is a shopping site that has one deal a day. Every once in a while they will alter the sales technique and sell a new item every hour for a lower price and it is called a wootoff. Someone asked me what a wootoff was and I replied "A wed nosed reindeer."

This troper has been dreaming up puns for years, but never used them. Then he discovered the internet, where they let you do get away with that kind of thing. I think that this comic explains a lot.

{{llamasrnice}} makes really bad puns , in every class from 1st to 8th period someone wants to cut my face off with a cheese knife, that won't be very GOUDA, but let's be BLUNT, I don't get the POINT.

This troper makes puns about everything from literature to atomic particles. -> This troper: (holding up a wine cork) This is kind of a weird looking cork... it almost looks... strange... It's a strange quark! -> Troper's friend: Your jokes cause me physical pain.

This Troper wrote an interesting pun about ''StarTrekTheNextGeneration''. He calls it the "Borg Joke" and it may overlap with ViewersAreGeniuses.

[Laughs] That is...that is absolutely terrible. I'm showing it to my Physics professor next chance I get!

Been done. An electronics joke goes like this, "Resistance is futile if <1 ohm."

This Troper has more bad puns than the world can groan at. I am not making this up.

Then, for the sake of mankind, please don't be in the same room as me, as I'm the same.

This troper's uncle once bought a tiller at his wife's request. When asked about it he replied, "It's a tiller for the hon."

This Troper is quite the pun factory, usually making bad ones. The one I'm proudest of, however, was made after watching Chamber of Secrets. I noted "Wow, I guess Riddle's diary is really a book you can sink your teeth into." Cue Collective Groan.

@/OmegaMetroid, who used to find himself talking about himself in the third person when he first started contributing to this site. Now, not as much, but sometimes. He only does it on this site, though... What was my point again? Oh, yeah, it's my puns.

Did you hear about the guy who electrocuted himself? He was shocked.

Did you hear about the deaf guy? Neither did he.

When talking about the IdiotBall and the StargateVerse, I will usually reference the Idiot Ba'al instead.

And so on...

@/CountDorku, thanks to being a PungeonMaster, is extremely prone to these. As in, he's working on a vaguely Milliganesque script just for fun, with a recurring gag that a writer is shot and replaced for every horrible pun; following an appalling joke about hobbits, one character remarks that they've just shot the creator of ''IrregularWebcomic'', producing this: #QUOTE#"Well, at least he went out all puns blazing." [Gunshot]

This troper was able to pull off a rather lame pun during a long elevator ride where one of the ladies in the back, (troper note I was the only guy in the elevator) said something about wearing a sweater that was suade. After her friend asked to why she was wearing such a sweater I nonchalantly quipped, "Maybe it made a rather per-suade-ing argument". The whole elevator rolled in laughter.

This Troper often makes puns, much to the horror/amusement of his friends. A recent on was: #QUOTE#[My friend, after throwing some rolled up foil at another friend] "Feel the bounce of defeat!" #QUOTE#[Me] "Is that related to the spring in your step?"

There was much groaning.

This troper can't make a {{Stealth Pun}} from Command and Conquer's Stealth Tank!!!

(please Shoot me)

A friend of mine and I were arguing about who had to sit at a desk with a large smear of blue ink. #QUOTE#'''Friend:''' I'm not sitting near the bloodstain! #QUOTE#'''Me:''' It's not blood. Blood is red. #QUOTE#'''Friend:''' Unless you're a worm. #QUOTE#'''Me:''' Or an aristocrat.

Commence Face Palming.

This Troper once {{Title Drop}}ped the ThanksForTheMammary trope... before he even discovered it was a trope. Y'see, he was standing behind a girl on his choir, when she stumbled, and you can probably guess what happened. I apologized immediately, but she was still miffed and embarrassed, mainly because everyone on the choir was what happened. To lighten the mood, I said "What do you want me to say, ThanksForTheMammary?" {{Subverted}}, as everyone else actually laughed.

For the upcoming Disney movie ''ThePrincessAndTheFrog'', this Troper thinks that the idea of an American princess would make a lot more sense if they decided to make the princess Jewish... Because then she'd be a Jewish American Princess!

I don't get it.

A Jewish American Princess is often a derogatory means of calling a young Jewish woman a spoiled brat with wealth (i.e, a Jewish Paris Hilton).

It also gets bonus mileage by frequently being abbreviated 'JAP'. EXTRA OFFENSE FOR EVERYONE!

@/{{Scrounge}} is oh so very guilty of this at times too. "I have a cat with three ears. I think it's some kind of mewtant."

@/{{Ripsaw}} has a math pun he pulls out every so often.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a grape?

A: |elephant|*|grape|*sin(theta)

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rock climber?

A: You can't, silly. The climber's a Scalar! (sic).

Q: What do you get when you cross a mosquito and a mountain climber?

A: You can't cross a vector with a scalar, dummy!

The best/worst joke this troper feels he's come up with:

'''Q:''' What do you get when you put a pack of small, happy lions in a blender?

'''A:''' A gay pride pureed.

While working at a grocery store: #QUOTE#'''Co-worker:'''We really need to get the grocery department to make sure the dill scans. #QUOTE#'''Me:''' Yeah, what's the dill with that?

Sounds like quite the pickle.

Surely the co-worker couldn't have been too sour about such a sweet pun? (Nice response, above troper. Just vlasic. I'd give you a standing ovation, but I don't like pickled eggs.)

Finally, couple of visual puns: Recently, I contributed to a comic being done panel by panel by different people on one message board: The first panel was a cityscape and some narration mentioning that something was brewing, so my next panel was simply a close up of a coffee maker. And once, when challenged to draw a picture of "melancholy", I responded with, well, this.

I enjoy giving these with a deep, emotionless, monotone voice.

This troper's dad is the king of puns. He never, EVER misses an opportunity for one; even in the midst of serious discussion. Some of this must have rubbed off on me, though, because I came up with a lame pun involving my own religion: #QUOTE#'''Q:''' What do you call a traveling priest? #QUOTE#'''A:''' A roamin' Catholic!

This troper was having a fun argument with his friend when I ran out of things to say I just said "Well it doesn't matter 'cause I'm on the right" *troper's friend rotates 180 degrees*. "Not anymore."

Todd and Neil are trying to get into a comic book convention. They get there at the exact same time, and they have an equal amount of money. Which of the two gets in first? [[KneelBeforeZod NEIL BEFORE TODD!]]

This troper has a running joke with a friend about nuns coming in pairs. Another friend, hearing the tail end of a conversation, asked "nuns come in pairs?" This troper replied "only if it's a lesbian nunnery". And then "I just actually said that."

This troper is going to hell. When he and his friends were discussing the recent news of his country's prime minister being diagnosed with cancer of the Esophagus (he got better), he let this one slip: "Well, that's a hard thing to swallow."

That's what she said.

This troper has a friend that is, simply put, a ''master'' of these. Probably the best example in recent memory: #QUOTE#'''Me:''' *reading* The Senior Board of Education... #QUOTE#'''Friend:''' ''I'm'' bored of education! #QUOTE#'''Me:''' ...

This troper makes incredibly lame puns and has become quite adept at making terrible science jokes. The combination of these has resulted in physical objects being thrown at him more than once.

Every time this troper makes a bad pun (which is, unfortunately, often) he apologizes for how bad it was. Thankfully, it doesn't happen enough for "Sorry" to be his CatchPhrase.

This troper does this quite a bit.

After a particularly interesting night, This Troper was speaking with his girlfriend about the fact that psychologists recommend watching pr0n for couples whose sex lives suck. You can guess what she replied with. She said, "Or don't, rather." {{Rimshot}}

One of this troper's experiences on 4chan, while discussing the altars of the ''{{Warhammer 40000}}'' Chaos gods: #QUOTE#'''Me''': I believe you mean "popkhorne vendors". #QUOTE#'''Anonymous''': I lol'd and then felt bad. That was horrible.

This troper often makes incredibly lame puns intentionally, with a straight face, and frequently acts as if they are the most hilarious things ever. In fact, a favorite experience of hers was done in front of her entire English class to embarrass the two people in her group. Said group was assigned the task of coming up with a title for an already written essay. The essay was about the negative consequences of steroids. When the teacher called on us, because the other two refused to come up with something, this troper stated, completely deadpan, that our title was "Stear clearoid of steroids." The entire class must have thought she was an idiot, but it was nevertheless an amusing (and humbling) experience.

How about "The Roid to Ruin"?

Ahh, so much better. If only I had taken some time to think through it beforehand. Oh, the lame puns that might have been made. :c

Got one, got one! "My mother taught me, It's not polite to steroid."

This troper had a D&D Eberron game where literally half the things we said were lame puns. Notable times when our Children of Winter Druid turned into a Bee (''Bee''ware, ''Bee''careful) and when we found the vampire we were hunting's coffin (This is a ''grave'' situtation indeed, This guy ''sucks''). You get the idea. Those are just the ones I can still remember.

This troper D&D buddies probably spend more time making puns than they do actual roleplaying. We once contemplated voice-recording our sessions and posting them as podcasts. Then we realized we'd all probably be locked up for the safety of others.

This troper has an uncle who's known for the groaners he comes up with.

I am in an anime club with a couple of {{Pungeon Master}}s in residence (*cough* myself included...). We were watching ''TheTwelveKingdoms''. At the beginning, WhiteHairedPrettyGirl Kourin is mistaken for the incredibly {{bishonen}} WhiteHairedPrettyBoy Keiki several times. Cue someone shouting, Keiki's a lie!"

This troper would be rich if throwing out lame puns was my means of earning -- except for a few good ones every now and then.

This troper had this conversation in college: "Troper, you're such a tabula rasa." "I prefer to think of myself as a carte blanche."

This troper will go to great lengths for an Incredibly Awful Pun. Just yesterday, he spent five minutes looking wonderingly at a ballpoint pen and a flour sieve until someone realized what he was doing. If a CollectiveGroan does not ensue, he's not doing his job right.

Okay, it took me way too long to realize that you were pensive.

This Troper prides herself in her ability to come up with these, to the great chagrin of her English teacher. She has even earned the nickname "Jester" because of this tendency, and because she actually played one in the Land of the Toys scene in her school's production of Pinocchio. She is also a huge fan of ''Batman'' and fancies herself quite the Joker. :)

Actually, it wasn't all that ''bad'', but once in class, a particular teacher had to bring in his two young daughters for the day. Up pipes one of his students with "It's the Half-''wits''!" The teacher's last name? [[spoiler:Whittaker.]]

Someone this troper knows had to use straws for something, and the one he was holding broke. #QUOTE#'''Guy''': This is the last straw! #QUOTE# '''This Troper''': *Groan* #QUOTE#'''Another Guy''': It's okay, man. We have another straw.

This troper had two pet cats, a male and a female. Whenever the male got amorous, the female tried to discourage him by rolling onto her side and planting a leg in his stomach. It never worked. He just kept humping away, even though his hind legs were hanging in midair. The first time it happened, I announced to the room at large "Oh, so that's what they mean when they say 'fucking idiot'."

This troper has only once managed to implant a bad pun into a statement somebody else ''was in the middle of making''. She was doing a literature presentation before the class, describing the meaning behind the main character's room in which: #QUOTE#'''Presenter''': the bed was made of iron, the bookcase was made of iron, the desk was made of iron... it just gives you this strong sense of- #QUOTE#'''Me''': Irony?

This troper has a couple of lame puns about metallica songs #QUOTE#'''Me''': How many metallica songs have you learned? #QUOTE#'''friend''': Just One (Insert stupid grin) #QUOTE#and from myself #QUOTE#'''me to the same friend''': I have Mastered Of Puppets (Cue the same stupid grin and sarcastic laughter from both)

This troper plays World of Warcraft. She is in two different guilds on two different factions. How, then, is it that BOTH of her guild masters seem to love this trope? A lot? They're very different people. And yet it leads to such horrors as one guildie complaining that there is an odd banging on her walls at student halls, and wondering if it's over-the-top to complain to management about it. The response? "If it's driving you up the wall, I wouldn't call it banging on about the matter." Terrible.

This troper has a wine shop in the area that is called '''Grape Inspirations'''. Queue much groaning whenever I take friends near the store.

This Troper is writing a story. One character is a KnightInShiningArmor with a tiny amount of magical abilities, which usually manifests as a small light source for use in darkened areas. I didn't realise what I had done until another character mentioned the "knight-light". Is there a trope for Unintentional Puns?

StealthPun maybe? Though it would be stealth to yourself as opposed to other people.

This Troper was critiquing a series of stories by the other members of his Fiction Writing class. One of them was a convoluted, but awesome five page long build up to the phrase "I guess you can kill two bards with one stone".

Working at a drugstore can be fun. "Stocking up on cough drops, eh?" "Yeah, some ants got into ours and we threw them all out." "Well, I guess there must be a bug going around!"

This Troper's personal favorite was when his best friend was e-bitching about her dentist and wrote "I WILL PUNISH HIM!!!!!" My response? "Capital punishment?".

This troper works at his college's gymnasium, and was helping the coach look for one of our baseball bases. After several minutes of being unable to find it, I remarked, "maybe someone stole it."

Possibly the worst joke this troper ever told was, amazingly enough, by accident. Me and my table were bored during Chemistry (well, our teacher droned on quite a bit) and, for a reason I don't remember, we started talking about underage drinking. I was very short at the time, so I said, completely serious, "I don't think I could get served. If I tried, the barman would take one look at me and say, "oh, pull the other one."" The entire table groaned and told me not to tell that joke again. I didn't realise what I had said until about ten minutes later!

Another one where I didn't realise I had told a joke until it was too late. It was maths and, for some reason, me and my friend were talking about infinity, which ended with this gem (it wasn't exactly this, but this is close enough): #QUOTE# Me: So, if you add anything to infinity, it is infinity plus X and, if you times infinity by something, it is X(infinity). #QUOTE# Him: Yes. #QUOTE# Me: So, what is infinity plus one? #QUOTE# Him: Infinity plus one. #QUOTE# Me: So, what is two times infinity? #QUOTE# Him: Two infinit- *pause, followed by a groan.* #QUOTE# Me: What? #QUOTE# Him: That's terrible. #QUOTE# Me: What? *plays back what he just asked* Oh. #QUOTE# Him: You didn't spot that one? I was waiting for you to say, "And beyond." #QUOTE# Me: Ok. #QUOTE# Both: Two infinity and beyond!

For this troper, the day isn't over until he has cracked a ILP. The two months where his class was going AMidsummerNightsDream had the puns progress from Shout Outs, to wordplay on how "moon" can mean different things in different contexts. Now, when the Titania/Bottom scene came out (Act 4, Scene 1), it was fun to sarcastically note that Oberon was definitely not a childish {{Jerkass}} with an unhealthy obsession with bestiality and crack pairings. Yep. Definitely not a sexual deviant who, if he time-travelled to the 21st century, fap to Encyclopedia Dramatica's Offended page.

This troper pulled off one in his Philosophy class recently. I don't remember the circumstances, but the punchline I provided was "You should never put Descartes before the horse."

We recently had some family friends over, and they were relating how they knew a guy who would only hire handymen named Juan. I replied, "So I guess he couldn't tell Juan from the other."

So, guys, I was going to Target the other day, but I missed.

You have NO idea how much this Troper makes Incredibly Lame Puns. Why, only today, I crafted this gem: "I'm an eccentric. My life focuses around the letter X." Yes, that's right, writhe in agony!

This Troper ''loves'' bad puns, (if not quite as much as Colonel Mustang loves dogs) but there is at least one that was a little too much. My girlfriend sent it to me while I was at work and I think it broke my brain a little. #QUOTE#'''Q:''' How was the Roman Empire cut in two?\\ '''A:''' By a pair of Caesars.

This troper wrote and staged a ''HarryPotter'' pantomime. For the scene where the Death Eater falls into the jar of time, I had a bowl of salad leaves with the label "THYME", so that the actor playing Hermione had to hold it up to the audience and say "It's ''thyme''...". Later, the same prop was used for the "Accio brain!" scene, so the salad leaves ended up strewn across the stage. After the performance, I picked up the now-empty bowl while talking to someone, and made an opportunity to say something like "I'd love to stay, but I've run out of thyme."

According to this website, a few stores in Japan sell ''breast-enhancemnet chewing gum.'' It is stated that chewing the gum ''"makes a woman's breasts grow as well as improving their shape and tone."'' The author then snarks ''"I didn't know breasts HAD a tone - unless it's High C (or B Flat). That made even me groan, and I'm the PungeonMaster in my group of friends!

This troper works at a recycling plant. This means standing at a conveyor belt picking paper, cardboard or what-have-you off the line. At one point, just as we start to work, a dead goose sort of floats by, getting the strange reaction of someone covering it with a bag. No more than half a minute later, ANOTHER dead goose goes by. Same reactions, and for a while, everything's back to normal. About half an hour later, this situation repeats itself with a couple of dead crows. The willpower used to avoid suspecting fowl play could've brought Michael Jackson back to life.

I tend to do this a bunch, often following up with "I'm sorry I had to put you through that" or something like it.

I think I have these beat. Seriously, the situation was perfect. Someone had just made a string of puns till they were told to shut up because it wasn't funny. Then: #QUOTE#'''Friend:''' Well, I think puns ''should'' make you groan.\\ '''Me:''' ''(perfectly deadpan)'' Yes. It's pundamental.\\ ''*{{beat}}* Friend doubles over in pain, groaning.''\\ '''Me:''' You brought it upon yourself.

I often inflict these online. One time, I tried to drink a root beer, but I didn't have permission.

"Cosmology is a universal science." I am not even kidding. I love that pun to death because it is so ''terrible.'' I consider myself a genius for creating it. Also, the loss of the stars and galaxies are of astronomical proportions.

Today my Poli Sci professor was talking about custody cases involving surrogate mothers, and said there was no precedent for this kind of case because, until recently, using a surrogate mother would have been "inconceivable".

Just today this troper's Chemistry teacher was telling the class about Thomas Midgely Jr., the guy who invented both CFC's and the addition of lead compounds to petrol. In his later years Midgely developed polio and became wheelchair-bound ({{Laser Guided Karma}} anyone?). But, being one hell of an inventor, he constructed an elaborate series of ropes and pulleys to hoist him out of bed and help him move about his house. This is what ultimately caused his death, as he became entangled in the ropes and accidentally hanged himself. "So," our teacher concluded, "he was quite literally hoisted by his own petard."

While playing Halo: Reach I described how I had been clubbed to death by an Elite wielding a...well, a golf club.

This troper and some friends went to a festival one weekend on a very warm day. At the festival, there were a large number of people walking their puppies. After running into a group of poodles, I remarked on this phenomenon by saying, "I guess we're really having... a ''dog-day afternoon''!" Not only did my friends groan, but a group of nearby strangers did the same because the joke was so bad.

I'm nearly certain I didn't come up with this one myself, but I try to use it whenever I have a good opportunity, which isn't very often: "Cheetahs never prosper...and I ain't lion!" Ah, classic.

I named my pet Grunt "Tinny." Because he is tiny and made of tin! :D

"Hydrogen peroxide is an awesome chemical." "I think it's radical." "Is it free as well?"

This troper calls her friends who take Debate "silly fishies". It's not that hard to figure out why.

Um, yeah it kinda is. How is that a pun?

This troper's gaming group loves to engage in these. For particularly bad ones, standing orders mandate throwing something at the punner. Case in point, after one scene where we barely saved an NPC named Scott from drowning in the river.

This troper loves these! "I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down."

Same troper here. What do you call a melon that can't get married? A "can't elope" {cantaloupe}! Whoo, that one was a stitch! :)

This troper worked at a farm for a fair peroid of time. Once, when I was mucking out a barn, I commented to my buddy that "this is the shittiest job I've ever had to do." Cue him throwing a shovel at me

One day, a friend of this troper cornered this troper's boyfriend and drew a "C" on the back of his neck with a marker. After much trying to wipe it off, he asked what she drew on him. With a big smile on her face she said "IT'S A 'C' 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T ''SEE'' IT!" After about half a minute of staring in disbelief at her we burst into hysterical laughter.

I once posted a quick MS paint drawing of the Engie with a dog on his head. NEXT to him, I wrote, "I need some dog ''off'' help!" Cue everyone in the thread vomiting.

Note: Keep in mind that this was completely unintentional. This troper was playing MarioParty, and was battling against Toad. Said enemy Toad managed to reach the star, and was told he'd be able to buy one for 20 coins. Said toad had 18 coins, meaning he was two coins short. This troper made a comment of this to his sister, but dropped the coins part, making his comment "It's alright, he's two short." Considering Toad's size, this couldn't have worked out better.

Today, my housemates were playing FIFA 2011. One was playing as Chelsea. At one point during the match, the goalkeeper, Cech, came off his line during a corner and hit one of his teammates in midair. My friend pointed it out, and I was quickest of the line with "You might say.....he body-checked him". Cue The Who.

The fair was in town, and my father remarked that it had already opened, and that we were missing it. I replied; "Don't worry, it's only midway, it's not the end." I only realized later that it was actually a double pun.

My father is often the target of my bad puns. Another time he was looking through the freezer for some peas, which I insisted were there, but he didn't believe me. Him: "They're not here." Me: "They're there." Him: "No, they're not." (Me, thinking quickly): "I know, I was comforting you." Cue laughs.

One more; Me: "Did you know that making nun's clothing is addictive?" My friend: "What are you talking about?" Me: "You know, because it's habit-forming." Then I had to explain the joke

My single worst pun ever: #QUOTE# '''Friend''': *sarcastic comment* #QUOTE# '''Me''': Mm, sarcasm. #QUOTE# '''Friend''': It's delicious! #QUOTE# '''Me''': Tastes... ''irony''.

This troper created Poketch-like devices for a Pokemon universe with Mystics. Thier name? MysTec. She was fully aware of just how horrible a pun that was when she thought it up, but it stuck.

My Father and I drove past "Wickes". I asked if they sold candles.

A week or so ago, this troper made one when he was about to hit the hay. He was about to turn off the lights, but since his roommate was still playing video games, he asked him, "need a light?" The game his roommate was playing? Starcraft 2.

This troper regularly makes bad puns.

I said "I hope your night went swimmingly" after my cousin got back from the pool.

In health class, the teacher was talking about nutrition and how it makes a significant difference on your weight, mood and "virility". I said to my friends behind me "I suppose you could say it makes a vas deferens".

When this Troper heard about a rooster killing a man at an illegal cockfight, the first thing I thought of was Police suspecting the rooster of "Fowl Play".

There's a haircutter's place near my house called "Hair We Are".

Once, this troper was at his grandparents' old house (which was thick with trees) when his father saw an eagle. The father asked the troper if he could see the eagle, but the troper could not. Quoth the troper: "I hear no eagle, see no eagle, speak no eagle." Every one a Maserati!

Not to mention this same troper's Facebook status from last year. Bow at the feet of the master.

How many black people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but damned if I knew how to get them inside the lightbulb.

This tropette wrote a page-long letter to a friend full of MaximilienRobespierre puns (it's an inside joke). "You arras ask us to keep in touch, so we thought we would jaw up this note. Pileus don't let your parents read it, they'll terror you a knew one vendee read what I've jacobin up to..." and on and on.

Playing MortalKombat, if anyone in the room hears me pick Baraka, they will follow it up with bama. Baraka-bama, geddit?

What do you call a Troll with no allegiances. A Neutroll

I'm quite guilty of this. One particularly foul one(CrossesTheLineTwice and is potentially obscene): ->'''Me'''a vasectomy patient):''' Hey, if the surgery doesn't go as planned, promise me one thing, OK? ->'''[name withheld]:'''....Okay... ->'''Me:''' Just... don't go off half-cocked.

Another one that got laughs: During a discussion on Freudian psychology, somebody I know was successfully able to wedge in the phrase "bad-ass motherfucker."

My fiancé saw me log onto ''{{Rift}}'' one day, shortly after we'd acquired the game. He took one look at my already rather extensive—and very ''blue''—character lineup, and asked if I'd gone completely bahmi.

This troper's mother once said that they had "Shitloads of Imodium", when this troper asked for some. To those who don't get the joke, Imodium is a type of pill/tablet to help prevent diarrhoea.

This tropette is the source of lame puns in her group of friends. The best one yet in this troper's opinion is the one below (it was a weird conversation too. Don't question it) #QUOTE# Friend: Doodie! #QUOTE# Troper: No it's called poopy #QUOTE# Friend: Holy shit, literally #QUOTE# Troper: That... was such a bad pun that it stank

This Troper once saw a logo designer's van parked on the street. Not a huge deal, right? But then you see the notice on the back doors... #QUOTE# [CAUTION: Graphic Content Inside]

This troper's friends use this FAR too often for their own good. #QUOTE#'''Friend''' (remarking on me getting my fifth lunch): "HOW ARE ''YOU'' NOT THE FAT ONE?! Is SKINNY in your GENES or something?!" [looks down at my skinny jeans and bursts out laughing]

I'll show some discretion and say it here instead of on the respective page. But Spiderman as the image for DoomMagnet? Shouldn't it be the Fantastic Four?

Aside from the horrible jokes my dad says, I just saw a commercial where five guys stood stock still and said "I'm Bill" one after the other and then the camera zoomed showing they were standing around a woman twisting in her bed. The pun? "Bills keeping you up at night?"

While me and my dad were watching {{Film.Thor}}. And one part came up, you know the one. It made me chuckle and then say "Heh, Helicopthor."

This troper was recently sifting through the refridgerator, looking for an apple for breakfast. I pulled out one apple, but saw that it was bruised. So I pulled out another one, which was also bruised. So I pulled out a third apple, and lo and behold, it was also bruised. So I stopped for a second, and said to myself in a cliche, omninous detective voice, "I guess it's true what they say...one bad apple...spoils the bunch."

Happened to my game design class on the very last day. We were making a level in UDK for our final and the terrain was full built, but wasn't showing up on one guy's level. #QUOTE#'''Proffesor:''' Don't worry, that one wasn't actually your fault. That's an error on Epic Games' part. I guess you could say it was an EpicFail #QUOTE#'''Class:''' CollectiveGroan

This Troper frequently 'rates' puns by how much Organ Damage they cause. Most of them simply cause internal bleeding. He doesn't remember what it was, but a few have made him flat out say "Oh there go my organs". Funnily enough, the episode preceding it contained a painful pun in itself. This Troper is going to spare you the horror of making such a pun.

My cat vomited on the floor, that wretched little puke.

In the back of a car, there's a nun, a police officer and a thief. Who's the bad one? (take five miutes to think before you unmark the spoiler) joke.

Person A: In England, people tend to say "bloody" with every word. Person B: Meanwhile, people in the US are often saying "shit"...I wonder how a mix beetween the two would look...Person A: "Bloody shit"?

My brother (well, my whole family really, but he's the creative one) has a tendency to make puns in the vein of "I wonder if Pan pizzas are made with goat cheese?"