I was taking a shortcut down the alley and a man in his yard says to me "So, are you walking?" I couldn't argue.

My papa actually asked me how to spell the word stupid.

I tend to go a bit longer than I should between haircuts, so when I finally do get one, it's noticeable. So when someone asks me "Did you get your hair cut?" my stock answer is, "Nope, plastic surgery. Had my ears lowered. Heres Your Sign."

This troper uses "No, it shrunk in the wash."

This troper's hair actually does appear shorter after being washed.

Even though this troper's hair cuts are quite obvious, when people ask him about them, he just says "No. Why?". He feels silly.

This one really wants to use "No, I had them ''all'' cut, not just one."

I shave my head bald but sometimes I let it grow back over a few weeks. When a new hire started at my job I had a few weeks growth on my head, the next time I came to work I had just shaved my head and he asked... yep, "Did you shave your head?" I paused, looked at him, nervously touched my head and said "OH MY GOD! Someone stole my hair, call 911!"

My standard answer to "Did you get a haircut" is "No, I slipped with the grassmower this weekend"

"Did you get your hair cut?" "Nope, I dyed it {{invisible}}."

Do I know you?

This Troper would like to point out that he can make his hair at least 5 centimetres shorter by tucking it into his hair. Anyone else capable of doing this could legitimately ask if you've had a haircut when it should look obvious. Note that it's very insulting when someone mistakenly thinks This Troper's had his hair cut.

Personally, this troper has often been fond of saying that he merely lost a fight with a lawn mower. Unfortunately, this prompts most people to once more invoke this trope: Really?

Oh, Dear God. On another note, I once answered on a whim, "Nah, I just yanked on my tongue really hard and pulled it back in.

This troper once went a whole week telling everyone that asked that it was shorter due to acid rain.

Living in dorms in college: "Are you playing pool?" "No, but we checked the balls and cues out to see how long it is before someone complains."

This troper does this from time to time. However as he is a big fan of Bill Engvall, particularly the "Here's Your Sign" routine, he usually manages to slip in a "Don't answer that question" before someone makes the relevant sarcastic quip.

This troper once caught his fingernail on a small scab, causing the wound to reopen and start bleeding. The slightly dim-witted classmate next to him asked, "Are you bleeding?" This troper responded with, "Nope, I'm leaking. Here's Your Sign."

My entire family lives, eats, and breathes this. I'm particularly good at answering them. I'm hard of hearing, so I wear a hearing aid... #QUOTE#'''Mom:'''"You got your hearing aid on?" #QUOTE#''*obviously I do, if I can hear and react to her words* '' #QUOTE#'''Me:'''"Nope, I'm readin' your mind. BOOWEEEEEOOOOO!

This Troper used to be in Auburn University's Marching band. When we went to the Sugar Bowl in 2004 I was stopped, on game day, by a man who asked me, "Are you in the band?" I glance down at myself, just to check, and I was indeed in full band regalia with the wool pants-with-stripes, the multibuttoned jacket with coattails, the shoulder cords, and Dinkles--shoes I would not be caught dead in unless I was wearing the rest of the uniform as well. The first reply that popped into my mind was, "Nope. I just stole all this out of the band room to see if anyone would stop me!"

This troper works at a fabric store. She's gotten "Do you work here?" during a variety of painfully obviously work-related tasks -- opening cardboard boxes containing a recent order of thread and putting the spools in their correct places in the display, organizing rolls of fleece by product code, writing up tags, et cetera. But the ultimate example would be when she had someone ask that question while she was ''standing at the cutting table, scissors in hand, in the middle of cutting fabric, with a customer awaiting their order in front of her and an invoice box and pen sitting by her side, '''and her name tag in plain sight'''''. This troper's response was to pointedly look down at her name tag, then look at her current customer, then look back at the genius with a completely blank "did you really just ask that" expression, but in retrospect, she ''should'' have just answered "no"...

This troper used to work at Wal-Mart and yes, got that question multiple times despite the bright blue vest and huge name tag which is the standard uniform for that establishment's employees. The temptation to respond with "No, I'm starting a new fashion trend" was almost irresistible.

This troper works at a gift shop, and while we do have a work shirt, we are not required to wear it every shift. Sometimes the only thing separating me from women shoppers is the fact that I'm not carrying a purse, so "Do you work here?" isn't as stupid a question as it is in some other retail stores. However, one day I was wearing my work shirt, an apron, carrying a hand-held scanner to do inventory in one hand and a box opener in the other, and standing behind the counter. It seemed I was asked "Do you work here?" more times that day than any other before that. I started answering with, "No, I'm fulfilling my community service." Some laughed, some rolled their eyes, and one said, "Oh..." and wandered off, and I died a little inside.

This troper used to experience this when working for a third-party inventorying service (wherein we went to retail establishments en masse and counted everything on the shelves). Never mind that the uniform was a maroon polo shirt, distinctly different from ANY retail store uniform.

This troper got that working at Sheetz, a gas station/convenience store. While wearing the full uniform - blue shirt with the Sheetz logo, black hat with the Sheetz logo, nametag with the Sheetz logo - and cleaning off a gas pump one night, a woman walked up to me and asked if I worked there. "No, ma'am, I'm just employed here." She sincerely apologized and walked away. I didn't have the heart to call to her and explain.

This troper got the same question from a woman pulling into the Dollar General parking lot, who proceeded to stop me while I was sweeping in my (then) black shirt and khaki pants in August in southern Mississippi (it was just a tad bit warm to be wearing black otherwise) to ask if I worked there. The temptation was overwhelming to say, "No, I just like to sweep parking lots for fun. I'm headed up to Wal-Mart next; care to join me?" Shame I didn't say it.... I can sympathize with the troper in the fabric store; I've also been stopped stocking the drink machine and canned food shelves....Ugh....

Somewhat inverted with this troper, who once needed assistance at Big Box Mart. I walked up to someone I thought was an employee, and asked "Do you work here?". They replied "Well, what does it look like?", and I could hear them tapping their name badge. I responded in turn by raising my white cane, and said "Wouldn't know. Haven't been able to see for quite awhile, now." The employee then decided to play the trope straight by asking, "Are you blind?" "Nope!" I replied, "I just like the white-cane-and-dark-shades look. It's a fashion trend I'm trying to spread. Here's your sign". Moral of the story? Careful with that sarcastic response, or ''you'' might end up being the unintelligent one.

It's amazing how many times I'm asked "Are you blind", "Are you ''really'' blind?", or more subtly, "How much can you see?". I usually answer seriously as they tend to be embarrassed enough once the words have left their mouth. Still, from my experience, blind people seem to be able to tell whether other people are blind better than most sighted people can. You know that the white cane is primarily to promote ''visibility'' and ''identification'', right? If you can't figure out I'm blind, when I'm standing there holding a 58-inch reflective white cane plainly in front of me, you might want to consider getting one of your own...

"How much can you see" shouldn't be taken as a slight or induce ranting; it indicates that the person is more familiar with your situation than most sighted people, enough to know that "blindness" is a wide spectrum of issues and not just "everything is completely black to me all the time."

About asking "do you work here?" -- I feel like people ask this to make sure they won't be bothering someone who isn't getting paid to deal with them. You know, it makes them feel better if it turns out that person doesn't work there after all because ''they'' asked the question. Less embarrassing that way. Of course, that's no reason to ask people who are very clearly employees.

I'm going to possibly ask a stupid question then. If you guys are blind, how are you on here? Only explanation I can guess at is one of those narrator things that says what's on the screen.

You know, they ''do'' make keyboards with letters in braille... and there's many different degrees and types of blindness.

This troper responds to asking if anyone has any questions with "What's the meaning of life?" It's not really a stupid question, but close enough.

This troper prefers "Why do they sell hotdogs in packages of ten, but hot dog ''buns'' in packages of ''eight''?", as a tribute to TheDresdenFiles.

{{Animaniacs}} did that one first, back in 1993.

I always figured it was so they could make word problems out of it in elementary school.

This troper has seen hot dogs in packages of eight.

This troper's friend once asked how many wheels were on an 18-wheeler. She "wasn't" joking.

Usually two wheels (steering and fifth) and ten tires, unless it's pulling a trailer.

This troper always answers with "42" if he cannot think of something else quickly. It produces reactions ranging from "Wtf?" to "Oh, you're a fan too?", which is kind of a stupid question as well.

No, I actually loathe it. I much prefer Doctor Who.

This troper works in a store on the Strip, and is often asked, "Do you live here?" Stock answers are either "No, I live in a house," or "No, I commute from California every day."

The Las Vegas strip?

This troper's classmate once asked what Hitler did. From a history teacher. An a lesson about WW2. (Might not exactly fit here but couldn't find other place.)

Try the Troper Tales for WhatAnIdiot.

After returning from an errand, I was asked "Are you back yet?" It was my boss asking the question, so as much as I wanted to, I couldn't give a smart-ass response.

Back in high school once, a classmate asked me "Did you cut your hair?" (which I obviously had, since I grow it long and cut it short to save money). I was ''going'' to reply "No, I had an accident with the lawn mower", but only got to "No" before she interrupted and yelled "No, I know what you'll say, ''a barber cut your hair!''" and stormed off, upset at my apparent dumb reply. Which I never said. To this day I don't know what that was all about.

I might. It might be a "stupid question", but it isn't a question for the sake of knowledge as much as a pleasantry, and believe it or not many don't appreciate sarcasm as a response to their niceties, or being treated as stupid for daring to make meaningless, routine conversation. Which is not to say that responding sarcastically to a question like that is a terrible thing to do, but it depends on your tone, and their sense of humor. Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer, but treat people like they're stupid, get treated like a jerk. Though I apologize, because I wasn't there, don't know you or this girl, and that rant wasn't meant for you as much as it was for a certain person I know.

This troper gets a slightly reworded version of this: "Did you get a haircut?" My response: "No, I got 'em all cut."

This troper often prefaces questions with a warning that he's about to ask a stupid question, because in my family, it's possible for ''any'' question to be a stupid one, so I like to keep my friends prepared.

This troper once had a book of "quickie comebacks" to commonly asked questions. He only ever used one, though. Q: "How's school"? A: "School-ish!" (People generally liked it.)

Yeah, I'll do this too. Today, for instance: #QUOTE#'''Mom''': How was work?\\ '''Me''': Work-y.

I used to do this, until my father got me some new sheets and asked me how they were. (Say it out loud and you'll get it.)

Comfy?

This Troper both delivered this and was the victim of it in at least 2 different scenarios. Receiving it due to frustration caused by my date at a hotel where she shouts, "Ask if they have clean sheets!" which I idiotically parroted in a much quieter tone, getting the snarky response, "No, are sheets are dirty." On the other hand, delivering it was a personal CrowningMomentofAwesome while working at the local supermarket where a ditzy customer just finished getting her items bagged by me states, "Oh, we're in Food Lion!" Me: "Uh yeah, that what the sign up there, the one outside says and on everything you bought." Her: "... Well I forgot my glasses." Me: "And we also have the lion symbol on our badges and on the bags." Her: "You're just trying to make me feel stupid." Me: "You either do it to yourself or someone'll do it for you. Have A Nice Day." Her friend laughs at her, the cashier is half-stunned, half-amused and I'm mentally patting myself on the back for being unusually quick-witted when it comes to talking.

This troper once got on a bus and asked the driver "Where do I catch the second avenue bus?" before realizing (and getting) the obvious answer. I covered it up asking "Is that the M15 to City Hall?"

This troper frequently hears questions like this all the time on his daily bus travels, thanks to the fact that several busses share the same number and travel roughly the same routes. Some examples:

"Is this the 4 to Golf Links?" The destination panel clearly says Harrison.

"Does this bus go to Wilmot?" The destination panel clearly says Harrison.

And, perhaps strangest of all: "Does this number 4 go downtown?" Again, the destination panel should tell you where the bus is going, and this bus is even moving west towards the downtown area.

Same troper as above, when asked "What's up?" I tend to give one of two answers. "The opposite of down." or "That way. (points)

On that note, my usual response to "What's up?" is "The ceiling/sky/Space/etc." or some rambling combination of things located above me.

This rather short troper's normal response to "What's up?" is "Everyone." Most people get the joke, but for those who don't, after a beat I continue "...from my point of view, at least." Those who don't get the pun by that point are hopeless

An MIT joke: "What's up?" "East cross North."

This Troper usually replies "The direction generally regarded as the opposite of the sum of gravitational vectors, why?", attempting for a single breath. And sometimes follows up with "or, away from the enemy's gate."

This troper's best friend was once asked by a classmate where South America was. He laughed and played it straight, replying that it was right below North America. The girl looked at him as if HE was the idiot and said, "Well, duh!" *headdesk*

Well, he was. Right below North America is the mantle. South America is, well, south of Central America.

My brother's friend once asked why he had to watch the spanish version of some movie in spanish class. Now everytime my brother mentions something stupid his friend did/said we remind him of this.

I have a person at work who's hat IS this trope. I eventually gave up with giving him snappy answers as it just wasn't worth it anymore.

Who's HAT is this trope? I was previously unaware that hats could vocalise, much less ask stupid questions. Incidentally, where can I buy such hats?

I think the person meant his/her co-worker's hat has a stupid question printed on it.

He/she means that the co-worker in question asks stupid questions so much that he might as well get a hat that says "I ask stupid questions" on it.

PlanetOfHats.

I commonly play a variation of this one. Whenever somebody offers unnecessary clarification (like if someone refers to "the chimney on the roof"), I'll snarkily reply with something like "What, as opposed to the chimney on the ground?"

This happens frequently with this troper mom's friends. #QUOTE#'''X''': How much time the National Hour last? (a mexican radio program) #QUOTE#'''Mom''': I dunno... like 20 minutes #QUOTE#'''X''': Really?? #QUOTE#'''Mom''': Yeah...

This exchange: #QUOTE#"Are you alive?" #QUOTE#"Braaains!"

We're on book five of the Aeneid (for anyone who doesn't know the story, here's a quick summary: Trojan Aeneas is fated to found a city that will later become Rome but the goddess Juno hates Aeneas because eventually Rome will destroy her favorite city, Karthage and the first several books are basically Aeneas wandering around while Juno f*** s with him and tries to stop him from fulfilling his destiny) and the night before the test I get a text, "Heyyy so why does Juno keep messing with Aeneas." Headdesk, headdesk, headdesk. This troper was tempted to respond, "Heyyy, why can't Romeo and Juliet just get married?

I can't help pointing out that Romeo and Juliet ''did'' get married.

A co-worker once asked this troper why I "talked to him like he's three" because I chastised him for a separate act of violence against common sense. My response: "Because the manner in which you conduct yourself makes it a reasonable inference, if not an outright observable objective fact, that the amount of development the human brain may experience during the elapsed time of three planetary orbits is your maximum mental capacity." My addition after several seconds of his stunned silence; "Exactly." Of course, part of the joke is on me because he clearly didn't ''get'' it, but there were people within earshot who clearly ''did,'' so it was still worth it.

I think you get your own {{CrowningMomentofAwesome}}. *gives*

My twin sister asked my computer teacher once if he was filming the talent show when he was standing behind a camera. This was because she was surprised to see him, but his response was a sarcastic quip of a similar nature to the statements on the rest of this page. I turned to her and said "Here's your sign". She didn't get it, but I told her that I was sorry for being mean before taking a seat.

"Did you get your hair cut?" "No, I fought a fuckin' lawnmower, alright?"

"Hey, did you lose weight?" "No, a Moroccan stole it." (That's acceptable in the Netherlands...but only when you're actually joking.)

"You've got a pretty deep voice, haven't you?" " [Squeaky] No!"

And, this is something he always gets when he roleplays in World of Warcraft (his main is a half-ogre human warrior, thus, always hopped up on growth pots). "Wow, you're a big guy, aren't you?" "Nay. Nay ah ain't."

Recently, "Did you go to the barber?" "No, I tracked him down, threatened him, and FORCED him to cut my hair."

Or, when I'm going to the toilet, and my teacher asks me...well, where I'm going: "The moon." / "Antarctica. I'm going to hunt penguins."

This troper's role-playing group once had a session that involved investigating the birth of a two-headed baby. Another player was (IRL) the mother of three children, the eldest a hospital birth, the younger two homebirths. Since this troper didn't know about the eldest child's birth, she was confused about something the other player said...and phrased her request for clarification as "How come you know what maternity wards are like?"

This troper is usually somewhat articulate, but once came down with a case of the stupids when, at work, a colleague walked by with two small children in tow, prompting the truly stupid utterance "Awwww... are they yours?" If she had said something along the lines of "No, I'm testing out my new age reversal ray gun on people who ask stupid questions," this troper would not have blamed her.

At work I get mistaken for a guy with unfortunate frequency, probably because of my short hair and the thick jacket in the uniform, but after one loud and rather rude instance of someone shouting 'You're a girl?!' I patted my chest, pretending shock and said 'when did that happen?!'

This troper has suffered the inverse as having a slender build and long hair has caused the reaction 'you're a guy?' which is usually met with, 'really? lemme check' *looks inside pants* 'holy crap your right! I would have never noticed that.'

This troper is prone to occasional early-morning ditzyness. One especially bad example happened one time, when I walked down the hallway of my house, meaning to brush my teeth. I saw the bathroom door was closed, turned to my mother, ''who was folding laundry in plain sight,'' and asked her "are you in there?" She, of course, responded sarcastically that she was.

To anyone who has had identical twins in the family (or is a twin), you know this happens with anomalous frequency: #QUOTE#'''Stranger:''' Aw, are they twins? #QUOTE#'''Parent:''' No, they're a pair of identical strangers.

On the most basic level, This Troper often responds with sarcasm to anyone who asks me "Really?" when I tell them something. For example: #QUOTE#'''Me:''' I have to get going, I have an appointment at two o'clock. #QUOTE#'''Person:''' Really? #QUOTE#'''Me:''' No not really, I just can't stand your company any longer.

This troper was born and raised in a city called Malmö, but currently lives in a town called Skövde. Once when visiting my old hometown, I was at a party. An old friend showed up, saw me and reacted "Oh, you're in Malmö?" to which I responded "No, I'm still in Skövde. You're just hallucinating."

An amusing incident at my student flat happened as i was leaving for the supermarket: #QUOTE#'''Flatemate:''' You off out, *Troper's name* ? #QUOTE#'''Me:''' No I thought I'd lock my door and wander around the flat for a while.

He was not amused

I admit, I tend to be the one asking the stupid questions. Usually I know the answer, but want to verify just to make sure I'm doing everything right.

At the supermarket deli I work at, we have every product marked with signs as to what they are and how much they cost per pound. Yet we still get the occasional ninny with an expensive car come in and not only ask what kind of chicken/turkey/ham/cheese we have but how much does it cost. The mind boggles as to what kind of response I'd give if protocol permitted.

This Troper believes that the only stupid question, is the question not asked. Asking is how we learn, and oftentimes, questions such as the above re: haircuts, moves, etc are folks trying to make conversation. Isn't it better, that being the case, to ask?

I guess the following three questions are therefore not stupid to above troper: How do you spell S.O.S? What number was 911 again? What color has a black stone?

M-A-Y-D-A-Y. The Morse code signal for distress is actually didididahdahdahdididit which is only coincidentally related to the dididit dahdahdah dididit of "SOS".

Usually 9-1-1, but occasionally 9-9-1-1. Other answers include 1-1-2 and 1-7.

This very question lead to a revolution in physics eventually resulting in quite a lot of cool technology.

To my school friend who's showing off her hand-made cushion: "Is it stuffed?"

Recently, a couple friends were talking during lunch about times they bought food items that were low on food, such as a pack of about five Skittles. One of them apparently found an empty can of Coke in a six-pack, prompting the following exchange: #QUOTE#'''Me:''' Wait a minute, empty? #QUOTE#'''Friend 1:''' Yep. It was sealed shut and everything, and completely empty. #QUOTE#'''Friend 2:''' You mean it was filled with air? #QUOTE#'''Me:''' No. He means it was filled with soda.

This troper had some epic ones of these during science in grade school. #QUOTE# ''Classmate X:'' How many lungs do we have? #QUOTE# ''Classmate Y:'' Chihuahuas are related to rats, right? #QUOTE# ''Classmate Z:'' It is clear that the moon is round? #QUOTE# ''Classmate A:'' [upon discovering that jellyfish are over 90% water] What happens if you freeze a jellyfish? #QUOTE# ''Teacher:'' It gets cold.

Once, I was asked whether I had dyed my hair. It was ''purple.'' I said: "No, I woke up like this this morning. I think it's a sign."

This Troper wears glasses due to nearsightedness and has been asked many times if she's blind. She's also been asked if she likes pink, even when she's dressed '''''from head to toe in pink!''''' Her sister also once asked her if she's sick when she was '''''coughing so hard that she could barely talk, was red with a fever and had very watery eyes!''''' Her responses? 1) "Clearly, if I'm wearing glasses!" 2) "Mode}} No, this is my school uniform." 3) "What do you think?!"

I've got a couple of these: 1) I'm a Jeff Gordon fan, and have had seven replica jackets over the years which I use during fall and winter. During my Junior year of high school, I was stopped in the hall by one of the teachers who knew me while wearing my 2005 twill jacket. He asked "Are you a Jeff Gordon fan, Duncan?" "No, I'm Superman, this is how I hide my costume!" Everyone in earshot started laughing, including the principal. 2) In 2003, I went to a conference in Atlanta with my church youth group. While I was waiting for the elavator in the hotel lobby one night with a friend (we were sent to get something from our room, but I don't remember what it was) this guy walked up and asked if these were the elevators that went up. We looked at each other, then my friend, who was a Bill Engvall nut at the time, said "No, these are the elevators that go from side-to-side, the ones that go up are over there." THE GUY WALKED AWAY!!!!!!!!! 3) For about three years, my standard response to the question "What's up?" usually involved looking at the sky or ceiling and describing it. Some people got what I was doing, some, mostly Yankees, didn't. HumanTorch2

This troper's family has a pretty solid "ask a stupid question" policy. By which I mean it's entirely my fault we have one, and also it's not uncommon for me to provide stupid answers to perfectly reasonable questions, just because.

The Mississippi-dwelling, Dollar General-sweeping troper from above has only recently gotten relief from customers who '''''WALK INTO THE STORE--I REPEAT, INSIDE THE STORE--AND ASK IF WE'RE OPEN!'''''

Several times, this troper has walked into stores or restaurants that were unlocked, but not open for business. He thinks he bought coffee at a closed Wendy's once.

This troper had a friend ask if I was eating lunch... while I was in the cafeteria with her, eating lunch. My response was, "No, I'm riding my unicorn to Alaska."

I had a similar one happen to me a while ago. A friend asked me if I was reading something...while I had a book in my hands that was open to the middle and I was clearly looking down at it. I told her, "No, I'm trying to hypnotize myself."

T.T.'s stock response to anyone who asks, "What are you reading?:" "A book." (Or "A magazine" if appropriate.) However, this is generally reserved for those who bother her ''while'' she's reading (and they don't have anything more important to say).

This Ohioan troper is unfortunate enough to work at [=Wal*Mart=], at which all employees are required to wear blue shirts, khaki pants, and a namebadge. Despite this, virtually every work day when on the sales floor, I am asked by at least one customer whether or not I work at the store… while I’m doing my job. If only we were allowed to be sarcastic to the customers…

Coworker: "Are you going bald on top there?" This Troper: "No, I carefully shave my head to look like I'm going bald." I also, when working at a university library shelving books, got a lot of the usual "Do you work here?" questions--while pushing a book truck through the stacks and shelving books. I resisted saying "No, shelving books is just my hobby."

Back when I went to my local library on a regular basis (as opposed to less commonly, and more often to a small branch of a much more extensive system a couple of town over), the librarians let me shelve mis-shelved and unshelved books. I was trained in doing so when I worked at the school library, but before that it was officially just my hobby to put mis-shelved books where they belonged.

For some reason, whenever this troper speaks in front of an audience and ends with "any questions?", there's always one smartass in the audience who asks, "what's the meaning of life?" He generally responds with "42".

This is this troper's favorite form of sarcasm. To wit: #QUOTE# '''Galen''': Hey, how's it goin'? #QUOTE# '''Friend who obviously knows my voice''': Galen? #QUOTE# '''Galen''': No, it's the fuckin' Easter Bunny.

I had to get braces a few months ago. All the time, people suddenly stop, stare intently at my mouth, and demand, "Did you get braces?!?!?". My usual response is "No... these things just suddenly appeared... it's a mystery!" It usually takes them a while to realize I'm joking. *headdesk*

No, it's the link to I'll Never Tell You What I'm Telling You