This troper has a habit of making crazy metaphors in order to win arguments, but it's turned on her a few times...

I like my coffee like I like my fellow tropers: lone, pathetic, virginal and lying all the time.

I like my men/women like I like my coffee: raped, dismembered and good at sucking me off-- oh, wait.

"I like this park because it's silent, sterile... if it was also experienced it would be like the man of my life".

My sis used this to explain me about her sexuality. "I love coffee, but I realized tea isn't all that bad... Don't get me wrong, I still preffer coffee... especially if it's very hot and very hard" I replied "When you get bored with tea, give it to me" and she said "I thought you were more into the teabagging part, but whatever".

"You see guys, famiy are like, uh... Whales! Yeah whales because without family you're a whale in the desert, and that's bad because you will die from heat exposure but with family you'll be carried back to the ocean, which is good, because you can play with the rest of oyur whae family!"

I've been told "Arguing with you is like playing chess against myself, with a chessboard that bites you when it doesn't agree with you and then laughs". I thought he was going to say "Even if you win you still wasted your time" or something along those lines, but this is much better.

I once took a page out of your book and took this even further with something to the effect of: Arguing with you is much like playing chess with myself, using pieces that bite my hand when they don't agree and then laugh. Even if I win, I've still wasted my time and I now have a bloody, possibly infected stump where my hand used to be.

While very tired, this troper once referred to a particular Wal-Mart as "the soul-sucking pit of... soul-suckiness!"

Awesome.

This editor was having a conversation with a housemate, who offered "I like my women like I like my carrots..." very ''long pause'' "...in a plastic bag from a supermarket!" He was very drunk.

Point of interest: The following examples have been copied to the ILikeMyXLikeILikeMyY TroperTales page. If you have another one, please put it there.

"I like my coffee hot and strong. Like I like my women, hot and strong. With a spoon in them."

"I like my women like I like my coffee - ''in a paper cup''!"

Said by a drunk guy in a Starbucks, "I like my women like I like my coffee.....tall, black, and good at giving blow jobs."

My reply when the black cashier started to hyperventilate, "I prefer it when they're tall, black, and about to kick your ass."

"Covered in ''BEES!''"

Wrong one.

This Troper's favorite version of this joke comes from Stella: "I like my coffee how I like my women: strong, black, and proud."

Five separate levels of the "women/[coffee]" metaphor, increasing in {{Metaphorgotten}}: starting at 1 ("I like my women like I like my coffee...strong, dark, and hot as hell") and going to...uh...5 ("I like my women like I like my snow...strong, dark, and hot as hell").

You mean it doesn't go to 11?

I like my women like I like my whiskey: twelve years old and mixed up with Coke.

That's ''horrible!''. . . who mixes twelve-year-old whiskey with coke!?

''Nonononoyoudon'tunderstandwhathemeantwas'' oh I see what you did there...

This troper was witness to an exchange between a bitter, withdrawn philosophy major and his Ex in which he commented that his life was like his coffee (presumed to mean cold and dark). Only his Ex pointed out that he took his coffee with lots of cream and sugar.

ThisTroper likes his coffee cold, milky, and with lots of whipped cream...

This troper doesn't really like coffee. Or tea. cripes, that doesn't leave much does it?

This troper doesn't like coffee either, but she does like a good chai tea latte. So...I like my men smooth, creamy, and hot...?

This 13 year old Troper isn't allowed to have coffee, and doesn't really care for most tea. She does, however, like orange juice. So, I like my guys cool, in a yellow-checked glass, and tasting of oranges?

This troper likes her coffee like she likes her... well, she doesn't drink coffee, she drinks tea. So let's assume for the sake of argument that the tea is made of coffee--but then it isn't tea at all, it's just coffee, so it's like the blue carbuncle that's actually made of diamond... so this troper likes her coffeetea to be hard, impossible, and poorly named. Which is how she likes her men, but she shouldn't like men, she should like teenage guys, because men are generally at least a decade older than her and that could lead to some legal complications since she's only fourteen. So her men would have to be just acting like they were men. Since she likes men. Hard, impossible, poorly-named men. Wait, that sounds like Edward Cullen and his vampire stone skin! NOT WHAT I MEANT! Okay, Let's try this again. This troper actually likes her men to be tall, skinny, and not interested in love. Ergo, she likes her coffee like she likes her men: Celibate. But then again, it's more fun when they aren't celibate so she would actually be liking her coffee to be...

A female friend of this troper brought this to quite possibly it's most crude levels "I like my men like I like my coffee, Tall, Strong and full of cream"

This troper likes his women like he likes his coffee: he drinks Iced Tea.

From the webcomic Toothpaste for Dinner: "I like my coffee how I like my women...autistic."

''This'' troper is reminded of this passage from Chapter 1 of the ''NeonGenesisEvangelion'' FanFic ''Evangelion Unplugged'' by Renegade, which subverts the whole "how I like my coffee" subtrope: #QUOTE#"Okay," Ritsuko said, turning around. "MAGI! Coffee, black, twelve sugars!" There was a whir, the sound of gears grinding and engines thrumming, and soon a little trapdoor on the workstation opened and a paper cup filled with coffee ascended from the depths of the MAGI's operating system.\\ "Neat," commented Shinji.\\ "Technology of God in action," agreed Ritsuko, sipping her coffee. "Ah. I like my coffee like I like my men."\\ "What... hot, strong and sweet?" Misato winked knowingly.\\ Ritsuko frowned. "No. Ground into powder and liquefied."\\ "Oh," Misato said carefully.

This troper usually uses the line: I like my women how I like my coffee. Drunk.

Actually the classic line, a pickup line at that, is along the lines of "I like my woman, like I like my coffee, strong, dark, sweet and keeping me up all, night, long!", this troper tried that line. It doesn't work. Often.

This troper likes her men like she likes her marshmallows: fifty feet tall and rampaging through New York.

Alternatively: this troper likes her men like she likes her coffee: five minutes late, with a pretentious name, and brought in by a temp with a [=PhD=] making minimum wage. Fandom Wank has a lot of these, if you know where to look.

For those who don't, t2276765 here.

This troper likes her men like she likes her cereal: sweet, mushy and easy to swallow.

This troper's friend from high school once joked that he "likes my coffee the way I like my man: Gay!".

A friend of another troper once said "I take my men like my corpses. Through the back door."

This troper likes her men like she likes her coffee: rich, warm, and very, very sweet.

This troper's friend once caused listeners to hyperventilate after exclaiming, "I like my women like I like my coffee: ground up and stored in the freezer."

Lee's take on this in ''NotGoingOut'': 'I like my coffee like I like my women: strong, dark, from the corner of the street and I'm not willing to pay more than £2.50'.

"I like my women like I like my wine: twelve years old."

... don't forget the second part, "and mixed up with coke."...

Who the hell mixes wine with coke?

This troper doesn't drink coffee, but it turns out I like my women like I like my hot chocolate: hot, thick, and light brown. Okay, that is reaching.

This troper has also told people she had a mind like a blotter: I absorb everything, but get it all backwards.

And told other people they have minds like steel traps: rusted shut.

Judging from the above examples, it appears that many Tropers have minds like steel traps: dangerous, illegal and likely to cause infection.

Back to the coffee metaphor, this troper is seriously surprised that nobody's mentioned liking their coffee in glasses...

This troper has never actually seen or heard of anyone who drank their coffee from a glass rather than either a mug/thermos or the paper cup you get it in when you buy it.

Many people in Central and Eastern Europe still drink coffee in a glass (which usually looks like a small glass mug), at least at home. Actually, this troper used to work at a cafe and once a customer (an old timer, so he's justified) just couldn't understand that we serve coffee in cups and demanded a glass of coffee. He ended up with an americano and an apology, because "yesterday our new employee broke all the glasses". This story probably belongs on Clientcopia...

Ice coffee?

What about a mug made of glass? I actually have one of those.

I don't drink coffee, and I'm single. Coincidence? I think not!

Ah, so that's what I've been doing wrong!

Coffee doesn't work -- at least, not in the standard way -- on this troper, because she has ADHD and stimulants essentially cancel it out rather than providing an energy boost. She is also asexual.

This troper once murmured thoughtfully "I like my men like I like my coffee... gingerbread-flavoured." Luckily for her {{Love Interest}}, she was joking.

This troper once said "I like my coffee strong, sweet and freshly made." There was a pause, and then: "Don't draw any conclusions from that statement."

A comedian, whose name escapes this troper, once quipped in a standup routine, "I like my coffee like I like my women - bitter.

In Blizzard's World of Warcraft MMORPG, one of the Dwarf male "sillies" (jokes, randomly chosen with the /silly command) is "I like my beer...like I like my women. Stout and bitter."

"I treat women the same way I make a cup of coffee... I fill them with roofies and semen."

A game known as "dirty minds" takes this to its logical extreme. Name a common household object, and say "I like my women like I like my [object], [witty remark]. Once, the group playing was stumped at light bulb, and I thought to myself "Turned on by 40 watts of electricity," or something similar

Screwed into the ceiling?

Off the top of his head, this troper can think of "radiant", "wired", "hooked up to high power", "having a low resistance", "burnt out", and "turned on at the flip of a switch".

Hot, bright, and easy to replace?

One user-made Red Meat strip goes even further than that.

I'd just like to point out that in the American Navy, the slang for coffee with cream and sugar "sweet and blonde," in other words, a sailor could like both his women and his coffee to be "Hot blonde and extra sweet"... and it would make sense!

This Troper likes his coffee like he likes his men: nonexistent, he's not attracted to men. Or coffee. He does like his soda like he likes his women: with big tits and a great sense of humor. If only I could meet someone like that.

Your soda has tits and a sense of humor?

I like my coffee like I like women: in the kitchen, making me cofee. Wait, that's not right... I would eventually tire of coffee and want something else.

And another example of taking the metaphor too literally: this troper, upon hearing that someone had You Know What I Mean}} been around the block a few times, wanted elaboration. "Is each round of the block one person? How many people are in each block?"

Then, the next day, while discussing an e-mail sent to someone who hadn't replied: "Well, the ball was in their court, and they dropped it. If it gets all soggy and messed up from being left out in the rain, it's their fault."

Life is like a box of choclates, only one third of the stuff in it is going to be stuff you like.

It also tends to go stale after a few months. The simple things are the best ones but usually they get buried under the fancy stuff with all the nuts and things. Or it just gives you a heart attack. [-okay this is really reaching now-]

You know, technically that statement's a simile, not a metaphor [/smartass remark]

"Trust me, me and [friend's name] are closer than a close thing."

This troper stretches metaphors (typically other peoples) beyond breaking point enough that some have mistaken it for a hobby of his. That he's literal minded as well only serves to add to this. Similes, on the other hand, are like dandelions in their prettiness and indestructibleness, since they're not saying that X is Y but instead that X is like Y.

This troper's friend once used a rather odd and lengthy metaphor for love.

''"Love is like a cup of home made ice cream. There are many basic flavours, but each single cup is different, and sometimes, you want only one cup - for the sake of this metaphor, let's say it's one of those with both a vanilla and a chocolate half. And there's this rule you have to finish the vanilla part before starting the chocolate part. But then you accidentally eat the chocolate part so the cup of ice goes to another guy and lets him eat the chocolate part JUST BECAUSE THE ICE CREAM HATES YOU."''

This troper used to say ''Life's a game, and unfortunately, I'm not the one who's playing it.'' People either read into it too much (i.e. twisting it to make it sound dirty) or just plain didn't get it.

On a forum, while talking about popular girls and the hierarchy of school, this troper came up with: "I'm too anti-social to notice who's cool and popular and who's not. I think my high school is more like a jungle, where all the antelopes stick together and all the lions stick together (they're all probably very confused since they're not supposed to be in a jungle). And then all the antelopes crowd around in the hallways, blocking up the arteries of the school like horrible cholesterol clumps, which always annoys the other antelopes who are trying to get to class as quickly as possible, and then a wolf bites the jugular vein and the school dies a quick and bloody death." Yeah, I have no idea where that last bit came from.

Freud would probably state that the wolf was you, a social reject (lone wolf) metaphorically destroying the school, which may mean subconsciously you hope to shoot the school up alone and ruin its organization. Neat.

This troper continually bounces between saying he has a photographic memory, but tends to leave the lens cap on, and saying he has a computer for a brain, but forgot to install an anti-virus program on it.

This troper once likened his brain to a computer that hadn't been defragged since 1988. However, I would say that the above poster put it better.

This troper likes it since it explains so many things...

This troper, in an attempt to cheer up her friend: #QUOTE#"If I was as talented as you, I wouldn't mind people seeing my writing. Because they'd all be like "You're really talented", and I'd be all "Thanks. I know." Not that you're stuck-up, or anything. And I'm not as talented as you, so the point's kind of moot. And I think I lost this somewhere, but IT IS A COMPLIMENT AND YOU WILL BE CHEERED UP GODDAMMIT."

In our Philosophy class, we started talking about Kierkegaard and his "mouse in a cookie jar" metaphor (don't worry if you don't understand it). The metaphors quickly got seriously messed up.

From the {{XKCD}} webforums, on the subject of saving oneself for marriage: #QUOTE#"Because sex is fun? Saving yourself seems a lot like standing outside an amusement park and deciding you're going to wait on hopping a roller coaster, because, well, you know, while they all look fun, you're just waiting for the 'perfect' rollercoaster that will always love you and you can have little rollercoaster babies and why won't any of these other rollercoasters respect me I'm just as good as any of those other riders, I'm tall enough and not obese so the chest bars don't get stuck or anything and JEEEESUS I just hate everyone having so much fun and look their doing loops and spins and this one goes backwards, I hate them I hate them all I'm going to just eat my cotton candy."

All these coffee examples reminded me of a rather amusing subversion/lampshading of this...Said troper was ordering coffee and couldn't get the lady behind the counter to put ''just'' the right amount of cream in the coffee; constantly making it either too light or too dark. After getter frustrated, said troper turned to his girlfriend and suddenly turned back to the lady behind the counter and stated in sheer seriousness, "Make it look like her (she has a slightly lighter than caramel complexion)". Another student quipped that he'd love to be able to instruct folks to make his coffee using his girlfriend as a guide, but he couldn't because then they'd just give him a glass of milk.

This troper once spoke of her favorite celebrity crush by remarking, "I would have his babies tomorrow. Well, if I weren't married. And if he weren't married. And if I could have babies."

One of this troper's old history teachers had a lot of funny quotes. One of them ran a metaphor into the ground: "You've got to pick the low-hanging fruits (tongue-clicking, hand gestures) and bake them into a pie. Or a cake. Scratch that, I hate fruitcake."

My response to this picture was "The best rapiers are the ones that are covered in blocks, are prehensile, and aren't rapiers."

Also, I responded to this comic with "Women are exactly like cake. If you eat the cake, then everyone is gonna be all "DUDE!!". Either because now there's no cake or because you're a cannibal. And since women are cannibals, eating cake is a religious practice to them. So trap the women in a small wooden box and force feed her cake through a tube, and after several weeks your foie gras will be ready for cooking. Except it'll be soylent green. And full of booze." It seemed fitting, since the comic also exhibits Metaphorgotten.

When life gives you lemons, you punch him in the face and take his wallet.

When life gives you lemons, add some tequila, and some lime, and a bit of salt, and then throw away the lemons.

When God gives you lemons you FIND A NEW GOD.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit and watch while the rest of the world tries to figure out how you pulled it off.

When life gives you {{lemon}}s... you have a very good life to live, my friend.

For a while my friend was fond of "When life gives you lemons, make peach cobbler".

When life gives you lemons, squeeze 'em right back in life's eye. That'll learn 'im for giving you lemons.

When life gives you lemons, masturbate.

When life givess you lemons, stop having a boring life!

When life gives you lemons, you make beef stew.

Life gave me lemons, but not any sugar or water, so I couldn't make lemonade...

Referring to {{FATAL}}: "When life gives you...rape lemons...make...um..."

Viagra?

When life gives you lemons, you clone those lemons, and make super-lemons.

This Troper prefers Ron White's version: #QUOTE#Ron: When life gives you lemons, you should make lemonaide. And find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

When life gives you honeydew, you make whatever the hell you can with honeydew.

When life gives you lemons, make sure you have it on video cuz' I wanna see thhis "life" person who's giving out free lemons.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then use the profits to buy an assault rifle. See if life makes the same mistake twice.

When life gives you lemons, keep 'em. Hey, free lemons.

This troper's explanation to a friend of a particular opinion on ''{{Aladdin}}'': #QUOTE#''Me'': I still maintain that my favorite character is the giant lion sand head thing. #QUOTE#''Friend'': But it barely figures! #QUOTE#''Me'': It's my own personal Matt from ''DeathNote''. Deal. #QUOTE#''Friend'': Does that mean you slash the sand lion gratuitously with many other characters? #QUOTE#''Me'': .......Let's not take the metaphor all the way out, shall we.

This troper was talking to a friend about which side in Death Note was right. And I made a comparision which turned out to be a very bad simile. My argument ran something like this: #QUOTE#''Me'': I like L, but I don't dislike Light. The main reason I never cheered Light on is his blatant refusal to do anything which put him at risk or shortened his lifespan and taking it to stupid lengths. #QUOTE#''Him'': But that's what makes him brilliant... #QUOTE#''Me'': NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It's like starting a fast food outlet and becoming successful and famous and never eating a cheeseburger because you're on a diet and don't want to become unhealthy, and this is a really stupid and pointless metaphor. #QUOTE#''Him'': Yes. It is a very stupid and pointless metaphor.

This troper plays a rogue Terminator in a role-play. He is very fond of asking TheKidWithTheLeash if he can have words with his enemies- Hard, metal, skin-piercing words.

This Troper once tired to describe the internet using one of the quotes already on the Metaforgonen page, with interesting results. As far as I can recall it ran something like this: #QUOTE#"Einstein once said that 'a telegram is like a very long cat; you pull the tail in New York and the mouth meows in LA. Radio is the same, but without the cat.' Well the Internet is like that, but with the cat, and it's some sort of mutant hydra-can with millions of heads and millions of tails. No, actually that's wrong, its millions of separate very long cats that have somehow got tangled up. No wait; tangled implies it not meant to be like that. It's millions of cats that have somehow got knitted together. Maybe someone's granny was kitting and a bit short sighted and didn't notice the kitten playing with the yarn and knitted it in. But that's not the point, the point is you pull the cat's tail and everyone in the world with a cat hears the meow. Except no, that's wrong: you pull the tail and everyone in the world with a cat gets the ability to hear the meow, but only if their cat is knitted in, and first they have to tweak the cats whiskers to search for that kind of meow and scroll down all the results by rubbing the cats belly until the find your meow, or follow a link embedded in another meow to your meow, and then they click on your meow with the mouse hanging out of the cats mouth and because they are STUPID FOURTEEN YEAR OLDS they leave hateful comments on your cat and now your cat is some hellish portal to a dimension filled only with trolls and shipping wars. But to be honest its society's fault because most people only ever use their cats for finding pornography so its unsurprising that the hydra-cat is full of idiots. Not cat porn, that would be weird. But to be honest rule thirty four means that no matter how sick, there is porn of it on your cat. Now if it were a dog that wouldn't be a problem because dogs can't fetch porn... unless you were to wrap it around a stick and throw it which is stupid, or unless it is a clever old border collie that fetches the newspaper, in which case the newspaper still has to be ''The Sun''. But anyway the internet is more like the telegraph cat than he radio non-cat; except with telegraph when you get board you can't photograph your cat and caption it '˜I can has Cheeseburger?' "

My memory is like a sieve. That somebody has taken a chainsaw to.

Come on, chances are you've contributed to the "Sex is just like Pizza" metaphor that used to be at the bottom of YouFailSexEdForever...

No? See here, top discussion page.

Despite Asperger's, this troper actually has a pretty tenacious grasp on the concept of metaphors because he's a visual thinker. He just manages to confuse other people by using strange ones or mixing them together. To wit:

The tin man wanted a heart because he wanted to feel emotions, the scarecrow wanted a brain to prove that he was smart, and the lion wanted courage because he didn't think he was brave enough on his own merits. The items the Wizard gave each of them were all metaphors for things they already had displayed they had when the chips were down: feelings, intelligence, and bravery, respectively.

The floating feather at the end of Forrest Gump was a metaphor for the fleeting nature of life, floating from point-to-point over the course of time.

ThisTroper did once manage to ask "If the sun rises over a forest and nobody sees it do we still have to cut down all the trees?" - I swear there was a proper second half to it, I just still can't remember what. It had something to do with getting older.

Invoked by myself for the sake of invoking earlier today, during a conversation about doughnuts. ->'''Friend # 1:''' You're always talking about doughnuts. You're a doughnut fiend! You know what, you ''are'' a doughnut. ->'''Friend # 2:''' What? ->'''Friend # 1:''' Uh, I mean you're sugary and sweet. ->'''Friend # 2:''' Thank you. ->'''This Troper:''' And filled with jam. ->'''Friends:''' ...

This troper phorgets his metas so often he loses track of where he's deliberately belaboring a metaphor as a joke and where he's genuinely gone off on a tangent from which there is no SOHCAHTOA.

This troper had a physicls teacher explaining the constant acceleration due to gravity who said "When things don't have air resistance they fall at the same rate. If I dropped a feather and a bowling ball in a vacuum I'd be dead, because I'm in a vacuum."

This troper's sister was trying to explain a previous fish's physical attributes to a friend: ->'''This Troper's Sister:''' Okay, imagine a goldfish. Now imagine it's silver. Now imagine that it has a huge red flame on it's head, and that it's not a goldfish. Now imagine it's a shark chihuahua... ->'''Friend:''' *spits out food*

This troper's chemistry teacher tried to explain a cobalt chloride dissociation reaction in terms of cars and tires. #QUOTE# Teacher: What's the answer? #QUOTE# Student: 1. #QUOTE# Teacher: No, it's .5. #QUOTE# Student: How can you have half a car?

Not sure if this belongs here, but This Troper remembers seeing a 'like' on Facebook called "Friends are like potatoes, if you eat them they die.".

That makes perfect sense!

One of my friends, regarding a particularly strange CrackFic: #QUOTE#"It is like a train wreck. While that train is on fire. And zombies occasionally pop up on the roof as it spirals through the air, and those zombies are rocking out inbetween flailing and squealing like little girls while they try to put out the flames eating their bodies. Then they say, "screw it", and go out ROCKING as their bodies are consumed by flames and reduced to ashes and then it's just a train wreck again. But then some more zombies show up and start rocking out and ...where was this metaphor going?

I like my women how I like my roller coasters: tall, curvy, and covered with screaming children.

From my ditzy economics teacher: "A price ceiling has the same purpose as a regular ceiling, to set a barrier that cannot be passed. Although these school ceilings are pretty flimsy, you could probably get through them if you had a knife or a baseball bat or something..."

This Troper once observed that life was like a Linken Park song: Possibly dark, depressing and full of emotional overtones, Possibly meaninless drivel laughed at by those that don't take it seriously at all, but definetly better with Giant Robots, Hot Cars, and Megan Fox.

I tried to come up with one about fires and souls..or maybe it was about war..or Tinkerbell..I was coming up with something neat and deep to put on a poster I was doing. I scrapped all that and went for wit. "I used to have a metaphor for this."

This Troper once had a friend who was angsting about relationship troubles, and who created an alternate internet persona. Then, in a message, the friend was explaining something and got confused about which internet self the friend was talking about for a moment, to which I replied: #QUOTE#"Looks like you're beginning to split yourself into multiple personalities. You figure that out, maintain only this one, and BAM!!! Problem solved. Just like breaking eggs without making an omelette.." Then, I followed up with: #QUOTE#"..And that metaphor is only partially screwy.. You.. do get it, right?" The friend didn't get it, so I had to explain it, which is where the metaphor REALLY ran away with itself. #QUOTE#"The classic version is, 'You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.' By switching it around, you break a few eggs (split into multiple personalities), but you don't mix 'em back together again (making an omelette), and instead you have one very delicious near-perfect egg sunny-side up, and you throw out the other, fried egg and let it rot for a good five weeks or so until it's all moldy and everybody eventually forgets about it...." #QUOTE#"Okay, NOW I've messed up my metaphor..."

I once I invoked this with a friend using a deck of cards: #QUOTE#Me:"Think of this deck of cards as sex. Sometimes you'll get a diamond, others times a club, and if you're really lucky, you'll pull a spade. But pray to God that you don't get a Joker. #QUOTE#Friend:"What... is that supposed to mean" #QUOTE#Me:"Well if you don't know, then you're not ready for sex."

This Troper's rather morbid sister, when talking about subtle foreshadowing in stories: #QUOTE#Sister: "If I ever tried to hint at anything, it'd be like hitting someone in the face with a brick. It's be like, "Here's the brick! Read what's on it!" But, the brick would have broken their face, and they'd be on the flood, dead, hemorrhaging, bleeding everywhere... What was I talking about?"

DaLucaray030 likes drawing people as dinosaurs. And then he came to the kid who thinks he's a dionsoaur. (No, really! I swear!) I think God made his for that sole purpose. To screw up my "__ as a dinosaur" metaphor.

This troper tends to ramble on about random stuff and forgets to get to the point often. It takes me a while to say what I want and end it.

Sometimes, things fly way over my head -- like a lead balloon.

Somebody once asked this troper whether he preferred ''{{Alien}}'' or ''{{Aliens}}''. His response? #QUOTE# "Apples and oranges, man. Or rather, apples and grapes, since you don't have to peel apples or grapes like you do oranges. You can just eat them, skin and all. Anyways, the point is... apples and grapes. Preferably seedless grapes that don't have very thick or tough skin, because that annoys me."

Something that seemed like it ''should'' have been Metaphorgotten, but was somehow pulled off: One time in art class, I was working on a still life painting. My teacher told me I should change it so that the top of one of my objects was no longer tangent to the horizon, since it drew the eye to a strange place. He said "That tangent is unnecessary, like my cat's birthday. My cat's birthday is unnecessary because my cat doesn't have lips, because he's a cat. So he can't blow out the candles the birthday cake. So it's unnecessary, like that tangent." Yes, really. There's a reason why the running joke at my school is that my art teacher is AxCrazy. Of course, the fact that he has threatened to rip out the larynx of a misbehaving student and eat it with soy sauce might have something to do with that, too.

This troper did this memorably to a (female) friend of mine. She had just met a different friend of mine, and she had commented that he was cute. She was particularly attracted to his eyes. #QUOTE#'''Me''': Well, the eyes are the windows to the soul, but I guess you're in love with the whole house. #QUOTE#'''Friend''': Damn right. #QUOTE#'''Me''': Well, if you ever get evicted from your current relationship, I know a guy in Real Estate who can get you a sweet deal with low rent, free utilities and WiFi, *wink wink* IfYouKnowWhatIMean. #QUOTE#'''Friend''': ... I honestly don't.