In fourth grade I got waylaid on the way home from school by two particularly nasty guys a few years above, one of whom had a twisted ankle at the time and was walking with a crutch. Since they, clearly no strangers to this trope themselves, were threatening to pull my fingernails out with a pair of pliers and stick broken glass in my eyes, (and because that sort of commitment to 24/7 bullying surely bespeaks a special level of viciousness) after many years I still can't really feel bad about grabbing his crutch, knocking him over and then beating his mate down with it.

This troper used to be very paranoid, though he's since beat it, without seeing a psychiatrist for help (which I'm very proud of. Seems you just need the right motivation and enough willpower). I'm now over most of my problems, but during the worst of it, I learnt to create weapons out of the most mundane objects, though thankfully I never actually used them on a living creature. My creations (all made from bits and pieces in the shed and my father's big pile of electronics) include:

A captive bolt gun.

A pnuematic speargun, firing sharpened rebar rods.

A crude musket, unrifled and inaccurate, and fueled by homemade gunpowder.

A prototype railgun, very low-powered unfortunately.

An Assassin's Creed-style knife rig that could be strapped to a forearm. Making the mechanism tough enough, yet light and concealable, was a problem I never quite solved.

Ther were others, but those spring to mind as the most impressive and memorable. I still make things occasionally, when I'm very bored and I have the shed to myself.

When pissed off, I will often inform the person pissing me off of the ways I could kill them with things in the room.

This troper has discovered that the edges of LEGO bricks are much sharper than one would think.

The 10188 Death Star Playset (basically a 16 inches tall and wide ball) would look interesting in a fight...

This troper has once creeped out two female friends at the university, one of whom was being slightly paranoid, by lecturing them on how anything can be used as a weapon, and looking around between two lectures, proceeded to list ten object in the hall that he could use to kill any given person. These included a microphone stand, a ballpoint pen, the Microport's wire, any girl's purse, his bunch of keys, his signature pocket knife, the lanyard of his pendrive, and several other mundane items, all within sprinting distance. He has also dueled a roommate with three pool cues (we switched halfway on the dual-wielding), and dominated him, even with one cue against two. His desk in his current dorm room has several innocuous object scattered: a pen, a right-angle piece of copper welding rod, a long piece of flexible rod, a stack of [=DVDs=], a (self-built) cellphone charger with quite a length of wire, and a couple of screwdrivers in a drawer, just to list a few. And he knows how to use ''each and every single one of them'' to kill someone who comes in uninvited and with malicious intent. ''I dare you to try...''

I'm not sure if you're made of win or paranoid to an absurd extreme.

Neither. He simply understands the fact that ''everything around you'' is a potential weapon when used right. This fact is what makes this troper scoff at the whole "Zero Tolerance" BS in schools.

Just about anything can be used as a weapon if you have the fighting skills and a particularly twisted creative streak. This troper has seen a ''piggy bank'' used as an improvised weapon.

This troper has used trees, park benches, walls and other environmental objects as (technically!) weapons; not in the swing-around-and-hit-you way, but the smack someone into them kind, repeatedly. Other times include use of (various) remote controls as short clubs, a vacuum cleaner as a morning star, fire extinguishers as both a club and to suffocate opponents, books (atlases, how I love thee!) as clubs, duct tape like a meteor hammer, belts to whip and grapple, steel rules like swords, branches as clubs, leaves (yes, leaves; New Zealand flax plants are nasty!) as whips, a cat (those claws are sharp.) for distraction, jam (and by cause-and-effect, the ants that I pushed the guy into after) to leave a sticky mess, drink bottles to splash water to temporarily blind people, a bike (RAMMING SPEED!), and a tent-peg (kunai style, although it didn't do much except piss the guy off more).

Nail scissors make a surprisingly good stand in for a punch dagger.

Indeed. Kitchen shears are also ''very'' effective punch daggers, although most are...rather uncomfortable to hold like that.

This troper has been hit with the visor of a baseball cap before. It's more surprising than painful.

This Troper is notorius for my dirty fighting style, but the best weapon so far has been ''a round candle''. It really hurts when you get hot wax all over you. I also have a big, claw-shaped metal necklace hanging by a chain around my neck. It doubles as a good knife and the chain has been also very useful whip, since it does around my neck three times and therefore has good lenght.

This troper is now no longer allowed to use weapons during mess-around sparing matches with his friends, due to his hobby of making DIY weapons that look like normal, mundane items. Such as a driving glove wired to a camera capacitor and some foil to act as a tazer glove, or using powdered sugar and a lighter to blow extremely low-heat fire. Honestly, it's more to see the look on their faces than for any type of effectiveness.

A music stand makes a particularly versatile weapon.

As does a guitar stand. Especially ones with removable bits. Take out the top bit (which holds the guitar neck), fold it up, and you have a makeshift sai right there.

ThisTroper makes it a point to grab whatever she can when she's cornered. Imagine her surprise when she reached behind her and clocked a guy with what she grabbed. It was a chair.

A particular incident at school has left this troper with the nickname signature move "Unlimited Chair Works" from an otaku buddy who saw my freak-out once.

In elementary school, this troper was not allowed to keep his umbrella with him due to the fact he usually injured folks with it (sometimes intentionally).

This Troper stabbed someone with a ballpoint pen and has dueled with his friend using pool cues as staves.

This troper nailed someone in the head with her purse once. Doesn't sound too impressive save for the fact that she was carrying her spare change to the coin counter...$83.27 in spare change...

This troper's friend was able to improvise a rather dangerous weapon by simply removing the cover of the hook on his glasses, turning a seeing device into an improvised knife.

This troper once threw a underripe mango at a would be muggers head once.

Textbooks can be swung with a surprising amount of force. Or just drop seven on someone's foot. This troper also once used a broken video game controller as a mace.

This troper's belief is that any room contains at least five things you can use to attack a person with.

This troper agrees with the above belief. He has ''a lot'' of them in his own room, which is half-library. (so that's hundreds of books and writing supplies right there already) There's also a pair of trash cans, scissors, fly swatters, a back scratcher, chairs, boxes and rolls of tissue paper, broken headphones, {{DVD}}s, an aerosol can, a plastic halberd, shoes, remote controls, batteries, a foosball...

I just searched every room in my house and proved this to be true (for me, at least). Yes, that includes the toilet.

This troper would think that there's more dangerous stuff in the bathroom than anywhere else in the house (safe the kithcen) have you ever read the labels on any cleanign liquid in your house? most of it woudl insta-blind you in very painful ways.

This troper once stopped someone dead in his tracks with a single blueberry.

How on Earth did you manage that?

Personally, I'm imagining something involving smashing the blueberry juice into someone's eyes. But I'm not the OP so I can't be sure.

Personally, ''I'''m imagining something involving a giant novelty blueberry broken off a muffin shop sign or or something.

He probably said, "Do you want this blueberry?" then dropped it on the ground. Whoever got cheated out of a delicious blueberry was probably really sad and didn't want to fight anymore.

Or he used it to choke someone to death. Very subtle indeed.

This troper recalls going after the local punks with a bike flag. you'd be surprised just how sharp those things are.I wasn't allowed to carry a back at school to because of my penchant for bashing people with it.

This troper once trew a nut triangle against an annoying brat.She was scolded by her teacher,because if the chocolated corner would have hit his eye,the boy could have gone blind and she would go to jail.He was serious about this.

This Husky Russkie fought off a trio of would-be muggers with a side view mirror he ripped from a nearby truck. Don't worry, I paid for it.

This troper has several improvised weapons he keeps on hand in case of break-ins (almost had to use one, but they got away), including a wooden paint stirrer (meter-long solid wood pole), a thin piece of metal taken from a shelf support that has a shape vaguely reminiscient of a crowbar, and a multitool consisting of a plastic triangle with a different screwdriver head on each corner, which he can throw like a shuriken.

This same troper's mother has been attacked multiple times by robbers, and has beaten off every one of them. In one instance, a drug-fueled bum held a rusty knife to her throat, and after jabbing him in the eyes with her fingers, poured boiling-hot coffee on his head, whacked him with the coffee pot, and threw him over the reception desk she was standing at (her boss chased the man outside, and the two of them fought until the police arrived, with the boss using a large branch and the bum using a cinderblock). Another time, she got so pissed off when a shotgun-toting robber aimed his weapon at a pregnant employee that she, once again, floored him with a coffee pot, while the aforementioned pregnant woman attacked the man's accomplice with a stapler. She stabbed a man in the eyes with her keys when he grabbed her in a chokehold in the parking lot, whacked a man over the head with a bottle of wine at Wal-Mart when he tried to mug an elderly lady, and accidently took out another mugger in the same Wal-Mart's parking lot when she swung her shopping cart around into his stomach after spotting her car. Funny enough, the police officer who arrested the man was the same one who arrested the one she took out with the wine bottle, which left him quite surprised when the same woman stopped yet another thief.

And not really as a weapon, but a man making lewd comments at this troper's mother was left in a spot of bother when she took a large zucchini and shoved it down the front of his pants, squashing some rather delicate parts.

Are the above listed under {{Action Mom}}?

This troper used her own jacket as a whip in a fight when she was younger.

This troper, as well. I got a CriticalHit with the zipper one time.

Drumsticks. You know those hours you spend on single stroke rolls? Pays off. In spades.

This troper had a distant counsin who once took out a pickpocket on a vespa with a well aimed block of frozen meat. Additionally, this troper's mum has a long necked and very heavy decorative glass bottle near her bed which she plans in using on anyone who breaks in, their brother has had a series of improvised 'swords' also intended for burglar smitting (the current one is an old towel rail with a string grip) and this troper has employed a wide variety of items as projectiles over the years.

This troper has used her scarf to half-strangle her sister at times.

This Troper is notorious amongst his friends for his CombatPragmatism and ability to improvise weapons. He survived a fight after school by severing an artery with a clothes hanger, stopped a mugging by pushing a hot dog cart into a theif, and subdued a drunken brawler in a bar with a pool triangle.

This troper's friend knocked a charging drunk out - using his, admittedly heavy, fake eye as a projectile.

This troper will always fondly remember the day he chased one of his school's bigger jerks(at least, towards this troper) out of the music room by a picking up a chair, holding it legs-outward, and charging. I wasn't going to hit him, I swear!...that said, I ''was'' trying to get him to run.

This troper has perfected the art of "FLYING SHOE SNEAK ATTACK!", involving kicking his oddly loose school shoes at random people. Usually friends. I consistently get people in the groin and head. Excellent distraction, really.

This Troper subscribes to the idea that ''anything'' can be used as a weapon if used correctly. I've built and designed pen-guns from paperclips, electrical tape and cut rubber bands, attacked people with chairs, pencils, plastic forks and a door.

This troper has won fights using only a keychain. It's surprisingly good at disarming and/or injuring hands when spun.

I once saw two of my sister's friends suddenly start "fighting" and at one point one of them started using a belt as a whip and another using a plate as an improvised ''shield''. It was awesome.

{{Jonn}} once managed to briefly hold off two guys in a fight in high school using his backpack and gym bag. Due to reading ''The Langoliers'', mentioned on the main page, he slips his house keys into his hands as improvised brass knuckles whenever he's walking through a dark parking lot. He has also considered buying and reinforcing the infamous "Thor" sex toy and using it as a home-defense weapon, just so he can see the look on a burglar's face when he realizes he's being smacked around with a day-glo yellow horse penis.

This Troper has been home alone at night on several occasions, as well as a few times babysitting. On many of those occasions, I've heard a noise from outside and, assuming that it's a burglar I have armed myself with whatever is at hand in preparation for home defense. I have, to date, taken butcher knives from the knife rack (rather ho-hum) an aluminium baseball bat (I've done better) a duralight flashlight (It would have made a good club if I'd ever gotten to use it) a pen (I'd just seen the Bourne Identity) and a softball-sized, stainless-steel, decorative ''jack''. (I mimicked the scene where Jason hears something outside and takes a knife to investigate, then drops it behind a door before Marie sees it. Jacks don't make a nice quiet "thunk" noise and embed themselves in the floor like knives do.)

I keep a firebat (a short baseball bat used for breaking out the window in case of fire) near my computer desk for just this purpose. Also, a belt is surprisingly similar to a meteor hammer, if not as long.

I've used Sweater-Kwon-Do to surprising effect, along with pillows and towels. And though I didn't (get to) use it, a big metal stand used to hold up chemical apparatus (then used as a doorstop) makes an excellent makeshift warhammer.

Back in my art school days, I once come face to face with a mugger who was fended off with a T-square and a lot of yelling. You'd think being nearly 7 feet tall would be enough of a deterrent, but to each his own I guess.

This troper, Fig, and one of of her classmates has discovered (In Spanish class) that you can use Gods' Eyes as a weapon if you modify its design a bit and/or tie more than one together.

This troper once broke a mugger's nose with a deodorant can.

Though completely unintentional, this troper had a bad habit of hitting the people in front of her when she used to play the trombone. The poor guy got so sick of his back being pummeled by my slide that he moved his seat.

This troper used spare change as a weapon by pelting the coins as hard as she could at the person's face. And it doesn't help the fact that she carries around 30 bucks worth of coins in her wallet at all times.

This troper has used many school items as projectiles (from erasers to notebooks), some as clubs (books, backpack), and once stabbed someone with a pencil. He also used the wire of his headphone to strangle (briefly, the objective wasn't pain...), and his sweater as a whip. And once, by accident, caused a guy to cut his finger with a crushed can we were fighting over (ItsALongStory).

Don't touch this troper's nachos, or she'll attack you with a spork. Moo-ha-ha.

Kulture here, And thanks to all the self defence, close combat and generally SAS based books I've read, everything is a weapon. This extends to the point where anything from combs to tables become effective weapons. I can also throw matches with unerring accuracy, and have struck and thrown a match with one movement to have it bounce off a friend's eye before lighting in mid-air as an intimidatory weapon.

Certain models of Wars}} toy lightsabers that are of a sturdy build can kick significant ass. Not very heavy, but if you do a little practicing, it can hurt like a fist but with an extra two feet of range. If things get bad, flip the plastic blade and strike the enemy over the head with the hilt. You can get a good bit of torque that way.

I once bought a 100-pack of tissue paper. I swear it was hard enough to beat people up with it.

Fire extinguishers make excellent improvised weapons. How do I know? I headbutted one in Year 7. Sheer accident, but damn, it hurt like hell.

I cut people with sharp things and hit them with blunt objects to hurt them. Sometimes I even throw things at people! I'm so badass.

I think I love you!

This troper once smacked her brother with her Gameboy Advance. She tries to avoid doing so with her DS, though, as she thinks that was the cause of the power switch going funny and causing the GBA to restart if you thwacked the right side. She also uses books as weapons and has thrown empty water bottles at people when annoyed.

In the absense of the real thing, this Troper has used a pair of ballpoint pens in the same manner as Shaolin Monks use emei piercers, with the pen tips specially sharpened usig his Swiss Army Knife, and clipped to the sleeve of his hoodie so would-be combatants don't know they're there. In addition, this Troper also carries $10 worth of pennies in a small tied-up burlap bag as a hard bludgeoning weapon. And on top of that, he wears an easily removable jacket over his hoodie, which can be used as a whip.

Trying to pick a fight with this troper, especially in classroom, can be very messy. He throws everything within his hands' reach and the objects become gradually bigger. Pencils, eraser, pencil case, books, phones, bags, chairs, and if I'm desperate enough, friggin desk.

This troper was once confronted by an unarmed mugger in a moving bus (my country has shitty public transport). He reached into the grocery bag he was carrying, grabbed a thick roll of duct tape and repeatedly whacked him in the face with it, while kicking his sensitive region as hard as he could. He jumped off the bus, but this troper threw said roll of duct tape at his head. Unfortunately, the bus moved away before I could see the result.

One of his friends has (unsuccessfully) tried to threaten someone with a sewing needle.

This also nearly backfired on this troper once. When he was cornered by a rather big guy, he reached out, grabbed the nearest object and threw it at him. Unfortunately, said object turned out to be a stuffed owl. However, it momentarily distracted him, allowing this troper to launch a very hard kick towards his weak point ForMassiveDamage, which in turn allowed this troper to quickly floor him and incapacitate him.

This troper's father maintains that the best self-defence melee weapon is a pruning saw (preferably a folding one).

Things I could use in the game room (where I am): PS2 controller (2), Wii remote and nunchuck (Could be either a mace or a strangle device), Xbox 360 controller (2, wireless, could be thrown), several windows (two story house), several DVD racks, computer monitor, about half a dozen chairs, a lamp, the chair legs, several dozen pens and pencils, vacuum cleaner, [=CDs=], games, the Xbox 360, PS2, and Wii, 3 [=TVs=] (One HDTV), a couple clocks...

This editor seldom goes anywhere without his pocket knife (the actual blade has dulled to the point of nigh-uselessness but the cork-screw comes in handy. Sweet dreams) but give him a thick, glossy magazine any day. I also prefer hard-soled shoes and after seeing some nice video make it a point to wear a belt even on tight-fitting pants.

This troper was walking his little sister home from school. Now, we don't exactly live in a forest, but there is a large land of tree's behind our house. On the drive way, I stopped my sister, pointing out the copper head in front of the door to our house. Now, if the garage was open, I could have just taken an axe or a shovel and cut the thing up, but the garage wasn't like that at the moment. Looking around, I saw my bike on the yard. To shorten this story, it goes like this: Ride's bike->Run's over snake a few times->Get my sister inside->Buries the mutilated snake in the backyard.

This Troper was widely feared during High School around Christmas, due to his ability to (and habit of) turn(ing) any candy cane into a near-razor sharp dagger within ten minutes or less.

{{Xenol}} here, once I made a crossbow using K'nex. Basically stack together a bunch of white connectors (or yellow, but it has to be supported by at least two rods) in a line to make a barrel, and use a long rod as a piston. Rubber bands are used as the "propellant". First cut used pen cartridges and made clean holes through paper. Probably with enough time it might've been more dangerous, but lack of parts and time killed the project.

This troper has doe almost the same thing, only mine was wrist-mounted.

A role-playing example for a change: during my first InNomine campaign, a few members of the party forgot to get weapons for their starting characters. Since the first combat encounter was inside the local abbey, a couple of us picked up candlesticks as makeshift clubs/staffs. However, full kudos has to go to my teammate who came in via the souvenir shop, sweeping a few things off the shelves on his way. To quote the GM: "You are attacking a machine from Hell with a box of fudge." (He scored the most kills that session...stupid useless candlestick...)

This troper has a handy stack of "shuriken" to his left. Blank [=CDs=] are good for two things: Improvised espionage and improvised throwing weapons. It helps when you have a history of throwing vaguely disk-shaped things around at speeds that could really leave a mark.

This troper has been known to use and make the strangest objects as weapons, from finding a way to turn pens into highly accurate guns to fighting off two of his friends with a boxing speedbag to making a crossbow out of binder clips and rubber bands that shoots rulers.

Once upon a time, me and some friends were walking through a parking lot at night, going between hotels. Suddenly, from behind a row of cars, ninjas! Two of them! While my friends fled, I stood up to them using the only thing I could fashion at the time: '''my shoe'''. The little assassin-wannabees fled immediately knowing how screwed they were. Thus is the legend of how I fought off two ninjas using my deadly ''Tekken-Shoe''. Oh, and it was at a convention. Probably should have mentioned that.

A mild-mannered accountant once showed me a number of launchers made from binder clips and rubber bands that he kept in his desk. The largest one put a decently-sharpened pencil ''through a soda can'' at 30 paces.

My best friend keeps a baseball bat, a heavy glass paperweight and a screwdriver by her bed to use as weapons against burglars

I once brought someone to their knees crying ,with a a thrown water bottle. Also I am known for being able to use most types of stationary as weapons. There was also a time I floored someone with a door, still not sure how.

This troper, In part thanks to this page, Realized that her long hair could possibly strange someone.

I am known to use just about anything as a weapon, I even used fruit to beat someone up once

Thanks to my Fatale}} loud mouthed Crush}} "girlfriend" I had to get the older brother of the kid that she rightfully smacked to leave her alone. I didn't want to hurt the guy despite me warning him he tried to slap her. I whipped out my metal afro pick and put him in his place.

This troper's grandmother (in her childhood) once knocked the school bully flat out in one shot with a glass milk bottle. It's a favorite story for family gatherings to this day.

This Troper has a habit of practicing using anything even remotely staff-like to use as an ImprovisedWeapon on the off chance he needs to use it. This includes a collapsible umbrella, which would likely make a very good club[=/=]staff[=/=]hooking weapon if needed. Also once dreamed of using game controllers in realistic ways as weaponry against rubbers. A Wii Controller and Nunchuk actually do make good nunchuks.

This troper once got whacked in the head with a clarinet. That metal-lined rim on the bottom? ''That hurts like hell!'' (Though it didn't do the clarinet much good either...)

When faced with a snake in the house that we were unable to reach due to it climbing under a cabinet blocked by a table and several boxes, my sister and I killed it (when it somehow took over a dozen BB gun rounds at 750 fps through the body) by duct taping a kitchen knife to a broomstick and making a spear. Said spear was then used to remove the body.

This troper keeps a box of them in the Forest near his house. Among his many weapons are an ornate table-leg converted to a shillelagh, 3 pipes slapped and screwed together to make a Bastard Pipe, a 3 foot hollow metal rod with one end flattened for shifting things and cutting, a yellow metal baton with a matching black one for Dual Wielding, and to top it all off, he keeps an ornamental tanto by his door, and another shillelagh by his bed. This troper is NOT to be fucked with.