This troper went through a perverted phase when she was 13/14, when she drew all this really awful porn to entertain herself. However, because she knew nothing about buildup or pleasure during sex (being, well, a slightly naive, sheltered 13/14-year-old at the time), she thought of it as merely "insert X into Y" with the possibility of conceiving babies with the right answers for variables X and Y. Because of this (as well as "OMG I drew a phallus"), she drew IKEAErotica of every conceivable X and Y imaginable, with some of her pictures even resembling the picture on the IKEAErotica page. She now considers the drawings OldShame for what ''should'' be very obvious reasons.

This troper did similar things, the only difference being the medium (she used to write rape and kidnapping cases.) The shocking part is that she was 10-11 when she started writing IKEAErotica, which might have been the influence of the many rape cases in the newspapers she read. As a result, she was seen as very innocent and childish as a teen, but probably knew a lot more about sex than her peers.

This troper confesses to the same. I'm sure at the time it seemed very sexy, but simply knowing biology and the basic mechanics of the deed does not an erotic work make. Especially if you yourself are not sexually attracted to people around you in any serious way, and you can only assume (from, of course, other books you've read) that it's just sort of "that person is pretty. I'll jump them!"

Same story for this troper - back when he was about 14 he would sometimes draw what he perceived to be sexy scenes, which now would fill him with shame. The scary part is that I used to hide them in various places around my room (inside LEGO boxes, between books on shelves, etc...) and now, almost five years later, I still can't remember where a lot of them are... worse still, when I checked in places where I definitely remembered putting the pics, they were no longer there - and I know that my mum often rearranges stuff in my room (since I'm a slob, and someone has to keep things orderly) - ParanoiaFuel indeed.

This troper used to draw stick-figure sex when she was about 9, purely because she and her friends were at the stage of life when "TEE HEE SEX" was just getting funny, and not because it was supposed to be sexy. The two stick-figures were joined at the genitals by something resembling cartoon electricity, and that was the end of it. It wasn't until nearly ten years later that I realized my dad HAD found the stick-figure sex, and THAT was why he gave me that long talk on why sex was not funny. (Haha, nice try dad)

A bit of a subversion for this troper, as she read romance novels beforehand. That said, she will never let anyone find the work because she was in middle school when she wrote it, and it was FanFic. She likes to think she write a lot better now, though now she now prefers to focus on the emotional aspects. Tab A into Slot B gets repetitive.

In a tabletop gaming example, I once had a character who had IKEA Erotica written about her. The GM went so far as to find a quote from a 'How Not to Write Sex' article to read to me as an example. The character kept the only hard copy on her bookshelf.

This troper's sole foray into fanfiction was a LegendOfZelda fanfic written shortly after OcarinaOfTime was released - a "wedding night" fic between Link and Zelda. Even now, a decade later, he still can't bring himself to re-read it, so bad is the mix of IKEAErotica and PurpleProse, all done in an attempt to avoid "common" porn terms.

If you remind this troper of his almost legendarily bad lemon of one of the Final Fantasies, he will turn his head to the wall for a moment and then start shouting after a moment in emo corner. It had eructation, maturation and all manner of...things...it contained the glorious gems of "Lets do tha There-some" "I am rally turned one" "Lets go sexing"

If it helps any, "lets go sexing" is hilarious.

I SMELL A MEME!!!

I had the dubious pleasure at age 14 of proof-reading a friend's romance novella. She was also 14. I was grateful that she didn't give a blow-by-blow account of the ins and outs of what happened when the characters had sex 27 times in a single night (!!!) but what we did see was IKEAErotica.

This troper wrote horrible fanfics of his own stories with the characters having sex. IKEAErotica ensued. One such scene involved "Character X went down five to lick Character Y's neck for 10 seconds." At the time it was hot, but nowadays...its OldShame. Same with the amateur hentai I drew...

Maybe 5 or 6 years ago after receiving some pool/pingpong/ETC set and trying to assemble it according to the instrucions on Christmas, my dad found me rolling and laughing. Heasked what was up, and I pointed at the instructions and panted, "IT! SAYS! SCREWHOLE!"

In the US military, I've been told everything is written for someone with an eighth-grade education. This partially would explain why anything requiring assembly doesn't have an explanation like, "insert tab A into corresponding space B." Instead, things are given gender names and instructions will say, "Insert the male portion into the female portion until all of the male portion is inside the female portion." And no, I'm not making this up. What's even funnier is to see someone looking at a couple of parts in confusion and trying to figure out which is the male portion and which is the female portion.

in Italy where i live it is standard to do that for electric equipment (referring to a "male" as anything that plugs into stuff, and "Female" as everything that has a socket). It is such commonplace that, even being a polyglot, i never realized it was NOT standard in other countries.

Actually, even English-speaking countries do that. In computing, the end of a cable that has pins is the male, the one with the holes is female. Think a VGA, DVI or old serial cable. Same for plumbing.

This mediocre troper that I am wrote a lot of short porn stories (mostly furry ones, since I had made an account on FurAffinity and I was not going to waste it), more or less in my 15/early 16 age. While at least 2 stories were decent, the vast majority was so awfully written that I view them as regrettable demonstrations of my stupidity

This lesbian Troper write Ikea Erotica every time she have to do gay sex, I don't like it but most of my fandom are very yaoi oriented and I'm in yuri/yaoi Lj communities (for the yuri of course) I don't mind reading shonen-ai and yaoi, I just ignore the sex scene but Christmas time for some reason i Always get the one that say "Please, pleaso write a X/Y lemon, you will make my Christmas" in the Secret Santa.

Inverted with this Troper. She started roleplaying sex scenes and constantly felt like she wasn't doing it right because she had(/has) no personal experience. This worry was forgotten when she decided to read the other 'mature' boards on the forum. It's safe to say her writings might be unrealistic but they definitely aren't IKEA.

This troper got into erotica writing with this trope in regard to characters from his original story when he was around thirteen, wrote erotic fanfiction starting at around fourteen, and has continued to write since. He's gotten better, though, as time's gone on and understood that atmosphere and stuff is kind of important as well. One in particular had a character lie atop another and not even move, but it was somehow the best sex of their lives. He's just glad he changed his name enough to plausibly deny writing most all the really bad stuff.

This troper, while taking a creative writing class, was given an assignment to write a non-erotic sex scene. He did the assignment as intended, but one of his classmates wrote a deliberately IKEAErotica scene. He had the class in stitches - unfortunately the teacher didn't approve, and gave him a zero on it.

How did yours turn out?

This troper tried to write porn when he was 13 or 14, to this result. No, don't ask for it - it was probably stored in a floppy disk which is long gone, and I take pride of having lost it.

This troper does cyber sex with her long distance boyfriend once-in-a-while. It comes off this way looking at it later, but it very erotic when we do it. Go figure...

Did anyone else notice screws and pre-drilled holes? And did anyone else have to screw the screws into the holes?

It's because of fiction like this I have a much harder time finding good straight romance and instead often have to find yuri romance instead. It's not that I think gay guys are bad, I just don't think I could stomach seeing them...yeah. Oh, and on a related note, there's this gem from a set of instructions for greasing up some trailer tires: #QUOTE#'''Instructions''':"Insert hose into A-hole."they did actually say that. #QUOTE#'''Me''':"..."

At age 8-9, I co-authored a Sly Raccoon fanfiction with a friend who was 13-14. Basically, Carmalita finds Sly's pot stash under their bed,decide's it's mulched lettuce and MAKES IT INTO A SALAD. This, somehow, makes her very horny, and she does Sly several times. They have a son named Romeo... Who then has to avenge Sly's death after he is raped by OCTAVIO'S POISON COCK. He meets up with Bentley, bring back Murray by jamming his guts back into his skin. which is Bentley's floorrug. There's more, but i'll stick to the point: Each chapter was about 200 words long, and it was filled with exclamation marks. I think we printed it out.