This Troper's professor was giving a (mostly) tongue-in-cheek reasons you suck speech to the class. He finished up with, "And you all smell funny!" to which This Troper replied, "Oy! I took a shower this morning!"

This editor once saw a flame war in which some one was called a "stupid gay mexican". Their response? "I AM NOT MEXICAN!"

May be a reference to this bit by comedian Carlos Mencia.

RealLife example: This troper's father loves to call his mother a fat whore, to which she responds "I am not fat!"

This troper tends to do it when he walks in on a scathing conversation about something- anything other than him. A classic example was when he came back in from a walk just as his room mate hurled an insulting "Shut up you stupid, slutty bitch" at a video game character. Retort was something to the effect of "You know my grades are better than yours." It should be pointed out that this troper is male for the full humor effect.

This troper used it once: "...you filthy alcoholics!" "I take offense to that: I am not filthy!" Unfortunately, the attempt at humor went over the heads of those present, who thought I was genuinely admitting to boozing.

This male troper, for comedic effect, calls his (male) friend an ignorant slut. He usually comes back with "I told you, I'm NOT ignorant!"

{{Sikon}}: Recently, on a ''Main/WorldOfWarcraft'' roleplaying server, I walked into a tavern with my draenei female character and asked innocent questions to a gnome in an ObfuscatingStupidity manner. She overreacted and ran to the bartender, asking her to protect her from the "squid-faced purple goat... in an ugly dress". My gut response was, "'Ugly dress', my tail." The bartender smirked. I later realized that I said that because the other insults were plain wrong, while this one was merely subjective.

This troper frequents many political forums. Being slightly right-of-center, one debate resulted in a more liberal user calling her a "Bible-thumping capitalist pig". To which this troper responded "I'm not even Christian!"

Hey, a Bible's a Bible, no matter who's wielding it. Some of 'em can be pretty weighty, too.

In one of my classes, a girl was telling our teacher that another girl had called her a fat whore. "I can't believe she called me fat! I'm not fat, am I?" The teacher took more issue with the 'whore' aspect of it. Incidentally, the girl was neither fat nor a whore.

This troper copypastas this exchange from an AIM between Sven-Coop forum members: #QUOTE# He called me a child molester and a rapist. #QUOTE# ''I am '''not''' a rapist.''

This troper once called her mother a blind bat...who then proceeded to jokingly whine to everyone else in the house that her daughter had called her blind. Of course, the response to that was "but you don't object to the bat part?!"

In a World of Warcraft chat, my character was called a "wanton wench", which got the following reply: "I may be wanton and a wench, but... hum, was there a third one?"

From our very own #tropers: #QUOTE# Also known as Armistace Day in other parts of the world! #QUOTE# Known as "not a holiday" here. #QUOTE# And it's spelld "armistice," you ignorant slut. #QUOTE# "Ignorant slut" is one of the greatest insults ever crafted by a human mouth #QUOTE# :D #QUOTE# VICTORY! #QUOTE# FTGG! #QUOTE# Also: I am NOT ignorant. #QUOTE# :/

This IRC exchange.

This troper once saw someone react to being told that they were the devil. She was incredibly upset- "the devil's a guy! Are you suggesting I look like a man?"

This troper got in on a two-person variation: #QUOTE# Her: I'm just a fat old bitch. #QUOTE# Me: You're not fat.

This troper's friend once yelled at her older sister, "You manipulative, antisocial, bitch! Do you even have any friends? You're so desperate for an excuse not to leave the house, you'd read the bloody ''dictionary!''" The sister's response? "Hey! I DO NOT read the dictionary!" shortly followed by, "Well... not often..."

This troper's sister got into a disagreement with said troper's stepfather: #QUOTE# Her: "You're a fat, old, smelly drunk!" #QUOTE# Him: "I'm not fat..."

I once had a note passed round a class about me saying 'Lucy is a gay, foxy, alien lover who smells like cats'. My response? 'HEY! I'm bi.'

Also my mother has been know to call me a little git. I then point out I'm taller than her.

I quite enjoy an inversion of this where I make an insult or joke and say something like, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that" and then correct a grammatical error I made or even add on more insults. I also used this trope when someone said that I act older than I am, but am an idiot when talking about anime. Guess what I took offense to.

I was was contacted by someone I suspected might be a StalkerWithACrush: #QUOTE# This troper: So long as I don't catch you on my roof with a cheeseburger in one hand and a bottle of Rohypnol in the other, I suspect we'll get along just fine. #QUOTE#Him: I hate cheeseburgers.

Me: Whenever I get a chance to play as a goblin in fantasy games, I take it. Friend: You like to be short, green, and weird? Me: Not all goblins are green.

This troper has just yesterday been accused by another IMDb message board user of being an "arrogant troll". Shortly after said troper claimed to be arrogant, but not a troll, another user said he wasn't arrogant either. He said he was THICK.

This troper as a child attended a summer acting camp that once staged, among other skits The Three Bill Goats Gruff. When the trolls(there were three of them, too) were introduced, they were called "the ugly, smelly, old trolls," and they all yelled together, "Hey! We're not old!" And this troper, who was portraying the river, promptly snapped that yes, they were.

My brother once told me I'd be a good college professor on the account that I'm "smart, egotistical, like talking, and a little bit liberal." My response was "You took it to far with the last one!"

This Troper's best friend was listing off of a series of negative traits I have; inability to cook, bad sense of humor, horrid sense of timing, and... taking offense too easily. My response was, of course, "I TAKE OFFENSE TO THAT LAST ONE! I AM NOT EASILY OFFENDED!"

Whenever this Troper's younger (but not littler) brother does something disgusting, she calls him a "disgusting child". His retort, every single time: "I'm not a child!"

This troper and her older brother once got caught on the wrong side of the barricade at a large anti-war protest, and were forced to endure the taunts of the counter-protestors on the way to get lunch. At the restaurant, her brother was still fuming about the insults the counter-protestors had thrown. #QUOTE#'''This troper:''' Don't let it get to you. #QUOTE#'''Brother:''' But they called you a dirty, lazy, stoned, self-righteous hippie! #QUOTE#'''This troper:''' Meh, it's true. #QUOTE#'''Brother:''' Yeah, but... you're not ''dirty!''

{{Excel-2009}}. I was once an editor and contributor of the school newspaper. I was in competition with another contributor as the most prolific. One day the editor-in-chief complained how the paper was less about the school and more about our writings. She accused our greedy holes of having way too much to say, to which I responded, "That's not true! I write ''way'' more than him!" The whole room broke out laughing, but that is one of the best-timed lines I ever delivered.

This troper was talking to his girlfriend about how she was happy to be going to a New Year's Eve party, as the previous year she didn't have any friends who were doing anything. #QUOTE#Me: Yeah, you had to spend the night with lame old me. #QUOTE#Her: Aww, you're not old.

This Troper was in a huge fight with a friend, who accused her of having no respect for privacy, being a horrible friend, and not being able to keep a secret, then proceeded to immitate me by shrilly bragging "Look at me and how smart I am". My response: "I do not sound like that!"

Games where people dis an imaginary person sometimes end up like this "Mr. Joe's picture is in the dictionary next to 'ugly', 'toxic', 'evil', 'smelly', and 'redundant'." #QUOTE#"Redundancy in engineering is very important!"

This troper was once referred to as something on the lines of (jokingly) being overaggressive and crazy. This troper's response? "I may be violent, but I'm not crazy! I'M ECCENTRIC!"

Recently, this troper and her mom got new bank cards, because their bank had merged with another one. This changed the card from blue to orange. This troper immediately commented "I'm not gonna walk around using such an ugly, orange card." Her mother commented that she would also have to use it. I replied with: "Yeah, but you're... you're already ugly and orange!" Cue mom going: "I am NOT orange!"

This troper responds to people saying "You're a fucking bitch!" with, "I am not fucking!"

A similiar thing happened on youtube comments. Someone (in response to an unkown comment) accused a user of being "a stupid bitch." Her response? "I'm not stupid."

A coworker once told this troper a joke involving Josef Stalin and a list of atrocities to perpetrate against the Russian people, and the one that was too uncivilized for him to even consider was painting the Kremlin blue. Said coworker was surprised when I guessed the punchline halfway through. I pointed him to this trope, and much enlightenment ensued...

Someone once called me a "Dogfucking faggot in a cheap suit" which lead to my sternly telling them "This suit was not cheap"

I also once encountered the opposite of this where my crazy communist friend was given a string of insults which got increasingly more surreal. I'll abbreviate it to the last few "arrogant, DSL priveledged, armchair guerilla warfare spouting, videogame playing, consumerist, massage parlor" To which my friend confessed it was true that he was a sentient massage parlor.

From 4chan's traditional gaming board, /tg/, on TheSwordOfTruth series:

First Poster: (describing the moral philosophy of the books)Unless you are a randian Objectivist you are evil and must die. Compassion is evil. Respect for life is evil. Greed is good. Time is cubic.

Second Poster: You mean compassion is evil in some circumstances.

My friend told me over Skype that this girl she's been bickering with called me a gay, black clown. My response was "I'm not a clown!"

Whenever this troper takes offense to something, he will promptly shout "Oi!" He and his brother will also do the regular version of this troper to each other when we call each other more than one insult.

On the AcceptableNationalityTargets page, after her nationality was described as commonly seen as TheEmpire and a BananaRepublic, connected to drugs in the past and filled with brown Muslim people, this Troper was quite indignant "Brown?! We're olive-skinned!!"

This Troper likes jokingly to apply it to himself: "My school is famous for just being a bunch of strange and leftist people. That is of course total nonsense. I am not leftist!" (for the record, This Troper places himself in both groups).

This troper and his friends were reading a magazine about Dungeon&Dragons were an exchange about an Gay and Blond elf ended like this (My Elf is not blond! Yeah.). Less than ten minutes later, ''this'' happens: #QUOTE# '''Friend:''' ''Hey, no need to be so mean to Diego(Me), it's not his fault he's gay and fat.'' #QUOTE# '''Me:''' ''I'm not fat!'' #QUOTE# Beat. #QUOTE# '''Me:''' *FacePalm* My God, I'm the blond elf...

This troper was once called "a depressing weird purple-haired Goth freak". To which she, full of righteous anger, replied, "My hair is INDIGO, asshole!"

A schoolmate of this troper was accosted by another friend while leaving the school toilets. The second guy said something along the lines of "look who's been bumming owls and smoking in the toilets", to which the first guy replied "I don't smoke!" As stupid of an accusation as it was, the poor sod never heard the end of it.

This Troper is regularly referred to as *sucks in deep breath*, annoying, an asshole, unfeeling, Conservative pundit, capitalist pig, computer nerd, Perma-Virgin, douchebag, dick, prick, a few things in German and Spanish I do not understand (according to a friend that speaks these languages, it is rather offensive), and any other number of things. I mostly shrug it off (I am most of those things after all, so I can hardly be offended for people pointing it out if I don't even TRY to curtail it.) BUT, you call me gay or any variant thereof, and I WILL take. you. DOWN with EXTREME prejudice! (non violently, of course, though being a computer nerd, I have other ways of doing that...)

Just curious, but why gay? >>;

My anti-theist classmates have come up with a plethora of (joking) insults for my godbothering self. #QUOTE# '''Classmate:''' You, my friend, are an unfeeling, irrational, irascible, godbothering lunatic. And a crusading, conservative, chant-droning, text-mongering, bible-thumping, foolhardy 'sheep' to boot! #QUOTE# '''Me:''' I beg your pardon?! By no means have I ever "Thumped" a Bible! It's far too disrespectful!

Seen on a message board: #QUOTE#'''Post:'''Victor is a delusional crybaby. #QUOTE#'''Victor:''' I am not delusional.

After being called a "stupid dirty Jewish whore," I responded with "I'm smarter than you!"

Just read this one on the CityOfHeroes forum, about a WarhammerOnline game: #QUOTE#'''Me:''' Psh, you're not fooling anyone. You're not *running* anywhere, you're going to get up from the computer (groaning as you shift your bulk), waddle ponderously to the pantry, pick up a bag of Cheetos, cuss at your mom because she got the crunchy kind instead of the puffed kind and the crunchy ones crack your few remaining snack-rotted teeth before settling down once more in front of your PC with a hefty sigh as you get more cheese powder on your keyboard as you search futilely for some new sort of pornography that will sate your more-depraved-by-the-day appetites. You will search in vain for a few minutes before the slight movements of your fingers jabbing the keyboard aimlessly tax your waning endurance to its limit and you fall asleep, exhausted, once more upon stack of reinforced cinder blocks you hired a contractor to form a chair-shape out of to rest your nerd-rage-inebriated butt without breaking yet another of your kitchen chairs. You will awake in 6 hours and repeat the cycle once again, this time with more game-influenced rage as once again you fail at everything you try except sitting down and sleeping you worthless sack of flesh. #QUOTE#'''Jerk:''' [censored] you man, I don't like Cheetos

"Kuijpers! You're a fat, lazy, blonde slob, and you will pay attention in my class!" "Professor Van Dijk, I disagree. I'm not blonde! I'm clearly ginger!"

Also, whenever a member of my immediate family calls me "little [whatever]". I then usually pat them on the top of the head. The Big Guy of the family, for the win?

This troper has once been called a "genocidal, anti-Semetic, psychotic, hate-filled sack of crap". His response: "Psychosis and sociopathy are different things." None of the insults are really true, but he was just feeling funny at the time.

This exchange happened over Ventrilo during a lull between fights, after a raider went to check why her network connection had been slow all night: #QUOTE#'''Female Raider:''' Hey guys, remember how I joked that my grandfathr was probably downloading porn? I went to his computer and found like five streams of porn downloading on realplayer, he's downloading them overnight to watch them tomorrow or something. #QUOTE#'''Me:''' I'm shocked! Who uses realplayer anymore?!?

This troper rather fondly remembers this exchange. Friend's Brother: "You goat fucking, psycopathic, ass ugly, brutish, kitten-raping drunk!" Myself, sipping on some gin: "Oi! I've only fucked yer' sister!"

#QUOTE# Person: You are pyschological, emotional, physical, and mentally disturbed. And you are so loud! #QUOTE# Me: At least I can shut up! Wait, what was that first part?

This pops up in this troper's conversations so often that she's almost forgotten to lampshade it. Once, she mentioned a time when her feet hurt due to wearing high-heeled shoes. Her LoveInterest interjected, "You mean those suede torture devices?" "They're not suede!" This tendency has spread to her role-playing characters; in one LegendOfTheFiveRings game, her character was told, "You're an odd little Dragon." Character's response: "Am I really all that little?"

This troper was telling her brother-in-law about the trouble she's been having finding a job. BIL said "Why don't you work at the DMV? You're mean, annoying and stupid." I smacked him and said "I am NOT stupid!"

This troper's class president gets angry at the rowdy class and calls us 'busabos' (meaning stupid, uncultured, and poor). A friend's response, "I'm not poor."

When her role as {{the Napoleon}} was lampshaded by a friend, this Troper's immediate response was, "I'm not short!". (She's 5'1.)

Recently I was called "Fat, ugly and unwashed", My response? "I had a shower this morning"

And there's a bit of Hypocritcal Humour in there because to be honest, the other person does seem to have the nose of a pig.

My parents were talking to me and my sister, and said something about "our picky kids." My sister exclaimed, "I am not picky!" I exclaimed, "I am not a kid!" (I'm 20 and she's 22.)

This troper, when he was a kid, would always get pissed off whenever he was called little. No matter what other insults were used. Now, it's just irritating, especially since I'm at least 167 cm (~5.5 ft) tall, at the very least.

My mother once told me that I was addicted to sunflower seeds, hard candy and potato chips. I replied that I'm not addicted to potato chips.

On an internet forum I once saw one poster insult another by calling him a "fat, lazy pedophile" (he had in the past admitted attraction to underage girls, though hardly pedophilia.) His response? "I am not fat!"

This troper has a similar example related to pedophilia. This troper's friend frequently uses "mouth-breathing pedophile" as an insult. This troper's response? "Hey! Hey! I do not- I do NOT breathe through my mouth!"

I'm practically a ButtMonkey for everyone. Even damned otakus. And people like to be creative with their insults. Here's one. #QUOTE#'''Guy:''' You are a disgusting gay dogfucker, you don't have friends, spend all day playing PlayStation, and no one loves you! #QUOTE#'''Me:''' *gasp* Son of a-! I WOULD NEVER, NEVER, EVER USE A PLAYSTATION! I'm telling on you! (I'm a damned Nintendo fanboy.)

A few hours ago, I was called a traitor and a pretentious c**t (it's been that kind of day). I denied being pretentious.

Recently, a friend was listing reasons for why This Troper must be a {{Covert Pervert}}. #QUOTE#'''Friend:''' You ressureccted a harem, give me massages, write pornographic stories, and search for filthy images! #QUOTE#'''This Troper:''' Hey! That last one is completely false!

A story I've read in an old Reader's Digest: a man goes to a restaurant and finds it terrible, so he writes them a letter, saying that the food is overcooked and flavorless, the toilet is dirty, the waiters are slow, but at least rude, and even the clock is late. A month later, he gets a reply: "Dear sir, we had the clock fixed".

This is this troper's band's anthem. We do it. All the time. And it's not intentional (usually). "You are never in tune, you suck, you cannot play your [instrument], you march like a drunk, and you cannot read music!" "I do not march like a drunk!!"

Also: "Urgh, you're such a cheap whore!" "I am not cheap!"

When the topic of Adolf Hitler comes up, I often like to comment on how he was such a horrible person because he killed his own dog.

I was once referred to as a useless, ugly faggot, my response was that I'm too fat to be gay.

In response to allegations of being a dirty pot-smoking hippie atheist, this troper rejoined that she showers regularly, thank you.

An exchange with my roommate. #QUOTE#'''Roommate:''' (to her cat) Does he beat you with a sock full of quarters when I'm not around? #QUOTE#'''Me:''' Hey! I use a sock full of nickels. It's much more cost efficient.

My roommate had a friend planning to visit. The friend's mother was worried that we would kidnap her, rape her, and lock her in the basement. My roommate's reply: "Like anyone in California has a basement!"

Once, this troper jokingly proclaimed that "I am FEAR itself!" A nearby acquaintance proceeded to note that "FEAR" was an acronym for "Fat, Egotistical, Awkward Retard". This troper's response? "I am NOT retarded."

My friend: "You are every bit the evil, violent, manipulative, lazy witch your friend said you were" Me: "I'm not lazy!"

Gender-themed insults really backfire on me. For one period a friend called me "Mandice" (man + my name) without realizing I secretly enjoyed it. Sadly, he stopped doing this when he learned I am trans/genderqueer. Also, as I got older people went from calling me manly to calling me small/weak/feminine as an insult, due to me losing weight. Couldn't count the number of times people have called me "lazy, crazy and short" and I took offense to the latter. Compliments can also become insults in this way, if they highlight a similar aspect.

This was told that he would do poorly in prison they said I was weak, an effeminate bitch, would dropo the soap on purpose, and would get constantly raped in prison, my defence, "It's rape if I like it?".

This she-Troper was once known as "the creepy brown Goth-Witch who likes Twilight" ...I preferred CirqueDuFreak, thank you very much. And, seriously, how can you get Twilight from CDF? Their covers and story arcs are NOTHING alike!

This Troper jokingly said to his friend "I swear you're getting shorter and stupider..." she responded "I'm not getting shorter!"

This troper was called a 'retarded faggot who's as pale as paper and can't shut up for five seconds'. I told them I wasn't gay.

Within five seconds?

In this troper's story about a serial killer: #QUOTE# "You are charged with three counts of murder, two counts of alleged rape, and one moving violation." #QUOTE# "I DRAW THE LINE AT THE MOVING VIOLATION."

This troper has found a way to make bullies ignore you is to take everything they say in stride as if they're complimenting you or making pleasant conversation (unless it's something ''really'' bad): #QUOTE# Bully: ''"I can't believe how dumb you are!"'' #QUOTE# Me: ''"Sometimes I can't either."'' #QUOTE# Bully: ''"And those glasses make you look like a nerd. Oh wait, you are one, never mind!"'' #QUOTE# Me: ''"I'll admit to that."'' #QUOTE# Bully: ''"At least I, unlike you, can speak English without embarrassing the entire language!"'' #QUOTE# Me: ''"I do muck it up, don't I?"'' #QUOTE# Bully: ''"And don't even get me started on how greasy your hair is!"'' #QUOTE# Me: ''"Okay, leave the hair out of this."''

I don't mind being insulted as long as the insult is true. The result is a lot of this in arguments with my ad-hominem-loving sister. #QUOTE# '''Sister''': You're fat, you're ugly, you're a sadistic bitch, nobody likes you, and nobody would care if you dropped dead! #QUOTE# '''Me''': Hey! I have ''some'' friends who like me!