This troper got into an argument about the merits of SpongeBob with her twelve year old nephew one day. Being a mature adult of twenty-four at the time, it degenerated into chokeholds and name calling. The name calling lasted for weeks, and he now answers regularly to Squid. Not to be outdone, the five nieces insisted on their own names, and are now Monkey, Turkey, Mouse, Midget, and Squeaker. Aside from the Mouse and the Squeaker, these names have no bearing on the people called by them. (Mouse never talks and Squeaker hadn't learned how yet).

This troper has been called "Pee Wee". He is 6'6" & 295 lbs.

He's also been called the more appropriate "Giant" & "Lurch".

This troper's list of nicknames have included The Legend, Herculean Examplar, Tall Dark and Handsome, Casanova-san, etc. I am anything but.

In HighSchool, I threw discus for the track and field team. After one off-balance throw, I got the nickname "80-proof". What's ironic is that I'd never had a drink in my life.

Not sure if this one counts, but this troper is nicknamed "Mom" by several of her friends. She can't have children.

This may be highly offensive for some, but my nickname in some circles is God. It's because I like to destroy people's faith in all that is good, especially where religion is concerned. Also, according to some very friendly Catholic priests, I'm a blasphemer and an heretic monstrosity. Lately I've been trying to erase that nickname from memory.

Wow, what a douchebag.

Don't worry, they're just fellating themself with the image of being mildly interesting.

"I'M SO DARK AND MYSTERIOUS AND EDGY!!!!11! PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!"

I don't know about the rest of you, but this guy sounds like a dick.

Sounds like people are actually predicting that you may one day become the leader of a cult. Get yourself a white robe, a bunch of eunuchs, some Kool-aid, and rat poison and you're good to go.

Dude, you're awesome.

This troper was nicknamed Crash after an online Halo match, due to the poor sap in the passenger seat screaming, "OMG We're gonna crash, we're gonna crash, we're gonna crash!" This may or may not have something to do with the action movie style driving this troper performs in said game.

Interestingly, this troper's nickname of Crash was completely ''un''ironic. She totaled the driver's ed car before her sophomore year of high school.

At age 12, I was awarded (for God knows what reason) the nickname "Smooth Daddy Max/Smooth Poppa Max." I am neither smooth, a father, nor a pimp, and did I mention I was ''12?''

If a nickname is cool, does it matter if it's ironic?

During my first two years of college, I earned the name of CSG, Creepy Stalker Guy. I...might be creepy, depending on who you talk to, am in no way shape or form a depraved stalker, and, well, am male. I simply refused to give my actual name, and wore soft-soled boots. Between this and a fondness for sneaking up on people and saying "Boo!", I earned that nickname.

This troper has the nickname Munchkin, but he's 6'2 and is taller than his mother and father. He got to that height at age 17.

As a cross between this and DeathbringerTheAdorable, I have taken to calling Monty, my sister's ball python, "Monster". He is, in fact, sweet-tempered and adorable.

Sorry, but the real name is much more awesome for the StealthPun. '''Monty''', a ball '''Python'''.

My brother's nickname is "Crazy" despite the fact that he's the most sane person I know, and I'm the one seeing therapists.

This troper took a year of naval science classes with NROTC students at his college, and learned about the process of nickname assignment from them. Apparently the guy who failed swims (combat swimming qualification) was honored with the nickname of "Aquaman."

This troper, in high school, somehow managed to get the nickname "Bullseye". Said troper does not know how she acquired this name. She lacks depth perception and can't aim a bowling ball at a barn door.

Possibly you resemble Colin Farrel? (Considering you're a girl/woman, my condolences if that is the case.)

Actually I'm a fat Katherine Heigl with a lazy eye and a limp.

This troper has two friends named Tyler. He's started calling them Big Tyler and Little Tyler, with Little Tyler being, of course, about 6'3, 250 pounds.

This troper is 4'5' and has lived in numerous states. With no aid from his part, different people have decided that it's clever to call him "Big Guy."

This troper is frequently affectionately referred to as 'Dumbass'. Various tests whose accuracy I'm not sure of have placed my IQ between 133 and 147.

Doesn't mean you're not a dumbass.

Thank you, good sir!

This troper has to deal with a company of questionable technological skill headquartered (although he prefers to call it "hiding") in another state, and always refers to them as The ''Very Smart'' People From West Virginia.

Following a mixup to do with her name during a film studies course, this troper has taken to crediting herself as Realname "Eden" Lastname (to the point that half the people in her yearbook signed it to Eden). She is both an atheist and notoriously difficult to get along with in any creative endeavour - hardly paradise personified. Her six-foot-five colleague, whose other nickname was the deeply appropriate "Rob the Viking", was referred to during shooting as "Snuggles".

This troper has a friend whose nickname comes from the surname of somebody unrelated with the same first name. The difference being that the original was very tall, and my friend is the opposite.

This troper was once nicknamed "Simba" when she was four or five; at the time, this was a desired nickname and she growled and snapped at people who didn't call her "Simba". She then matured into Pyroskittle, who is more likely to huggle than scowl. For some reason, familly friends still find it amusing to watch me blush when they refer to me as "Simba".

Also, there's Ducky, the 5'1'' ratsnake who attacks anyone but this troper and her mother, her mother needing a welder's glove to pick him up without fear of blood being drawn. The namer of this snake just thought the nickname was funny. It was, but at the same time, 'Warning' would have been a better name.

Ironically, this troper calls her best friend Tata not because of her...large...breast...area... but because when they were both flat-chested, Tata's cousin couldn't pronounce Ericka, instead calling her Tata.

This troper got the nickname ''Raver'' in school. He always looks as he partied 24 hours and had no sleep, even when having slept 12 hours, not to forget that he is no party animal either.

Thanks to having not (many) issues with the N-word, isn't unusual in Venezuela to find people nicknamed "El Negro" or "La Negra". And still, this troper had met some people under those nicknames who are way too light skinned to really deserve the appellation.

This troper refers to her brothers as "the large one" and "the small one". The latter is now 6'4", and is much larger than both the brother and the troper.

This troper is frequently called a clever bastard and/or other variants. He's actually pretty stupid, by the standards of most. *picks nose*

I'm frequently called L or L and Ryuk's Love Child by my friends. To clarify, we're all ''DeathNote'' cosplayers. It makes no sense because I usually play Light or Mello, and I eat way too little fruit (in fact, I eat almost nothing but fast food).

This troper once had a cat that had it's tail bitten off, it's ear chewed up, and it was missing an eye. We called it "Lucky."

This troper used to be the flat-chested one of her group of friends for a while. It looked like I was going to be boobless forever and I ended up with a couple of (affectionate) nicknames having to do with my flat-chestedness... turns out I was a late bloomer. Of course, I am now sporting a pair of (still growing) double D's (the biggest out of almost the whole group). Have my friends stopped using my old nicknames? Of course not.

I was one of the slower and more meticulous employees at a supermarket some number of years ago. How the nickname "Flash" started circulating is still beyond me.

This troper has been known to give out nicknames that fit people perfectly. I once caused a crowning moment of funny this way. Me and my friend were trading insults(with me always turning them back on him) when he tried to give me a nickname that didn't fit. I disarmed it and he dared me to come up with a better nickname for him. It basically came out of nowhere but right then and there I called him Lolibear. We were doing groupwork in class but the guys on our bench started laughed for our asses off for fifteen minutes at how fitting it was. When he asked the girls what was so funny about the nickname, they immediately burst into laughter too. I am somewhat regretful about that incident because that nickname started him on the path to being a full-blown lolicon. Then again he did look like a bear and had tendency to blush at lolis so it was probably a matter of time anyway.

This 6'4" troper chose to use "Shorty" as his nickname at LAN events and ended up using it ever since.

This troper, who is vocal about equal rights and will immediately speak up/yell if I hear anyone make anything approaching a prejudiced or bigoted comment, has somehow gained the nickname "Hitler".

This troper, despite being of a temperament prone to mood swings and drama, as well as physical violence, is nicknamed "Cupcake" and "Muffin" quite a bit. My temperament is still, however, much too gentle and regular to have earned the nickname "Tyler". (Admittedly, it's because I show up when my best friend can't sleep and no one ever sees us out together.)

This 6'5'' troper acted as {{Napoleon}} in a school skit/parliamentary debate about the FrenchRevolution. Louis XVI repeatedly referred to him as "My diminutive opponent." Napoleon was taller than average for his time, but his bodyguards were giants, leading to the misconception that Napoleon was a short man.

This troper was once known by his friends as "The Best Actor Ever". I think you can guess why.

When this troper was a freshman in college, he knew three people named Jesse/Jessy: one huge freshman guy, one tiny freshman girl, and one medium-sized sophomore guy. They were known as Little Jesse, Big Jesse, and Frosh Jesse, respectively.

I call my one dog "Pudge". She's skinny as a twig (she's hyper and runs off every calorie she takes in).

In a Skype group chat this troper moderates, I've been referred to as "The nose" due to my nasally voice, and compared to characters with large noses (In one case, a large picture of a nose). The irony comes in that there is a person in the same chat with a voice almost twice as nasally as mine, and my nose is actually fairly small.

This Troper's nickname is 'Noelles', ironic because there are no 'l's in her name. ANYWHERE.

A senior of this troper was nicknamed "Beautiful", when he seriously lacks sex appeal (though it has a story: in a class, they asked to say your name along with an alliterative adjective, and his name starts with 'B'...).

This troper has a 6 ft, 130 lb friend that answers to Fatty.

This troper's nickname is Big Ol' Sexist, so bestowed upon her because she is neither big (4'10''), nor old, nor a sexist.

This troper knows not one but two Happys. One of them is a miserable, complaining guy; the other one is a deadpan snarker most of the time.

This Troper went to high school with a very small and skinny "Fatty". The nickname was derived from his surname.

I have an ironic name ''meaning'': I'm 5'2 and my name means "tower" etymologically.

This troper's nickname is "Flinch". It originated in middle school when a close friend of mine noticed that I never flinched away or dodged anything, then attempted to make me do so in many different ways. The nickname stuck. Now almost every one of my friends calls me Flinch, and they have no idea where it came from.

I had a friend in high school. He was wide, kind of tall and built like a tank and played rugby. Everyone called him Pip. Semi-justified in that his surname was Philips.

This male troper is referred to as "Princess Coco" sometimes.

In high school, this (male) troper used to be called "Sunshine", probably because he was depressed and suicidal at the time. Now, most people he knows call him the far more appropriate Suzumiya}} "Kyon".

This troper had a friend in college who was the deserving Butt Monkey of the group. One day early in freshman year, another friend said to him, "I'm gonna call you Princess until it sticks." It stuck. A few years later, one of the troper's housemates decided, "From now on, your name is cooter!" Even going so far as to put up a sign on the front door that proclaimed "The housemate formerly known as {Troper's Name Redacted} shall henceforth be called Cooter." It didn't stick.

This Troper has two friends, One Nicknamed The Rat who is actually quite intellectual and smart and all that jazz, And The Human Calculator.. Who IMO Isn't a Human at all, Only Calculator...

This troper is generally referred to as "Jesus", despite being an arrogant, overbearing Nay Theist. May have something to do with the long hair and beard though...

This Troper is usually called "Motor Mouth" in HighSchool (outside of school I am usually more talkative).Also "Pettan" , as mockery for...her...yeah.

This troper's username. I'm not actually fat (although I am a chap).

This troper's friends call him slim.

Somehow, I acquired the nicknames "Big Guy" and "Big Dawg" from friends... I'm 5'7" and the one who actively bestowed the latter name is a towering 6'4".

Relatedly, two of my friends have names that imply some sort of blasphemous, anti-religious, or counter-Abrahamic-religion stance, but both are relatively quiet and well meaning fellows who, so far as I know, have yet to even approach religion in a discussion.

This short, thin, Japanese troper who lost a relative at Nagasaki was stuck with the nickname "Fat Man" for a while (after the bomb that was dropped on Nagasaki). He's also been stuck with "Binky", although that's less ironic and more right-the-f@ck-out-of-nowhere.

My parents used to have this very dark-skinned friend while they were growing up (in the same neighborhood) who was nicknamed "Guero" (Spanish for "white boy"). One of my cousins was a high school football player and one of his friends/teammates was this big, hulking, muscley guy whose nickname was "Flaco" (Spanish for "thin guy"). And while I was growing up, I was nicknamed "Miss Grace" by my (gently kidding) parents, because I was a severe klutz who had the capacity to trip over a flat surface.