Speaking from personal experience: I normally speak in I statements, especially while participating in online discussions. Unfortunately, while I'd like to think that I am one of the "honest and nonconfrontational" individuals mentioned above, there have been several cases where attempts to communicate this way via a text medium have been interpreted as insincere and passive-aggressive. On the other hand, I've found that explaining the case for an alternate viewpoint in this manner and then presenting a counterargument in a confrontational fashion can lend a lot of weight to a statement.

This troper fell victim of the passive-aggressive call, more than once.

And, how did this make you FEEL. How about we look at ink blots and I'll ask you about your mother (I don't know how to fit anymore stereotypical psychology in there).

This troper feels that talking this way is always inherently dishonest, because he believes it makes your feelings an InformedAbility which is easily dismissed rather than something real that is an immediate problem someone can relate to, and so he avoids it at all costs. Except here, where everyone else was doing it and I just wanted to be cool.

Err.. being able to dismiss your feelings is a ''good'' thing. Keep working on it.

No, sorry, I meant it's too easy for ''other people'' to dismiss your feelings talking this way, which rather defeats the point of doing it. Certainly I've found that using "I statements" is a really good way to get blown off.

This troper tried this with his ex-girlfriend. It didn't work because she expresses love by fighting.

This troper's mother, after reading a child psychology book, said to his brother (then around five), "You're angry, aren't you?" His response: "You don't talk like that!" She tossed the book out soon afterward.

That reminds me of a classmate's experience in my "Child Development" class. We'd been talking about communicating with your child(ren) the day before, and this Troper's friend had tried it on one of the children at the place she works at: "You're angry aren't you?". The kid's response? "Of course I'm angry!" with a kind of "DUH!" look on her face.

I have often experienced this kind of technique with teachers trying to tell me, for example, that I should pay some more attention, be a little nicer or that they think I should try to improve my teamwork behaviour. I have come to see that the proper response is to simply nod and sound approvingly during while the other person is speaking and roll your eyes when they turn away. On a completely different note, fusing an "I-statement" (as linked to in the article) with SophisticatedAsHell (in the last part of such a statement) might produce an interesting result.

This Troper feels like he's being arrogant every time he makes an "I-statement", as though his opinions are more important than reality.

This Troper's 4th grade (and a few others I think) teacher tried to use this on us. the statement was something like "I feel [emotion] when [name] [action] and I want him/her to [apologetic action]" I know that I and a few others thought it was bullshit and never really complied. Happily, when I had to go to anger management the year before there was none of that crap and there's none with my therapist so I actually do stuff.

Yeah, that whole "I feel [emotion]..." thing is utter bullshit. Just because [Name] apologizes for [action] doesn't mean that [name] actually gives a shit that [action] caused someone to fell [emotion]. My elementary school tried the same crap with us and never got anywhere with the sociopathic/psychopathic bullies (not all of them were such, but I know for a fact that some of them were either socios or full on psychos).

My old school had a, "Yes, but how does it make you ''feel''?" meme based on the prevalence of this at the school. At another school I went to, we had a motivational hippie psychotherapist sort of guy come in and effectively ban the word "should" from our speech, because it was too controlling, IIRC, or because it meant we were too rooted in our expectations to see what was really in front of us. It was weird...

I actually got in trouble in fifth grade for mocking the school psychologists because during lunch I would walk up to people and say "and how does that make you ''feel''?"

To be fair, I'd probably do the same. Then again, I'm a psych major who really DOES make fun of those people (Freud called, he said he's no longer right and that a phenomenological veiwpoint is what caused Gen Y to be so fucked).

Okay, this page has now made Tropers/{{Sen}} terrified that his attempts to honestly apologise for something (and the fact that he is prone to talk at length about his feelings and shit) can be mistaken for insincere passive-aggressive bullshit.

Don't worry. One of the irritating things about this is that it's incredibly easy to spot. If you're sincere, people will know.

One of my friends is a very sweet person but she talks like this ''a lot''. It's really awkward to vent to her about anything because it tends to be met with a response like: "I'm sorry that you feel about , . It can sometimes be difficult when happens. How about this: Has anything positive happened today?"

This troper's ex talks like that. It's one of the many reasons I'm glad we're no longer dating.

This trope is a bit of a sore spot for this troper who happens to be majoring in psychology.

This trope is a pet peeve for me, particularly when people think that no one notices that they are deliberately using it.

There was an anti-bullying system in my old school district a while back that basically recommended ArmchairPsychology as a way to fend off bullies. I knew that it was bullshit straight from third grade when the "I-speech" posters started appearing, but I've never quite been able to put a finger on why until I read this article.

This troper uses it a lot, when being passive aggressive is intended. This troper does it to point fingers without giving them any actual grounds to say that this troper is pointing fingers. This troper recognizes it as a useful debate tool, especially when combined with an expression that's a little too friendly/casual.

From my experience it's not the 'I-statements' that cause people to come across as insincere or passive-aggressive. Generally it's their choice of adjectives and other qualifiers that will give them away, such as in the following sentence: "I apologise, since my behaviour has allegedly caused offence." It may seem like a CaptainObvious type statement but you would be surprised how many people say things exactly like this in an attempt to defuse conflict while simultaneously not believing that they have done anything wrong at all (naturally with varying degrees of subtlety but no less sarcasm). Words like "allegedly", "supposedly", "so-called", and so on are what I think people should really be looking out for.