Nothing much is new... slept until noon today after the exhaustion of the last couple of days. However, a while ago I got one of those Nigerian spam emails.


> Dear Sir/Madam,
>
>
>
> How are you ?hope fine .i feel the surprise this
> mail will bring to you at frist sight .but i assure you that i
> come with the best of intentions and good will.
>
> Let me firstly introduce myself to you .
> I am Mr Micheal Nwachukwu an Accountant with a Security company.
> I came to know You in my private search for a reliable and
> reputable person to handle this confidential transaction which
> involve the transfer of a huge sum of money to a foreign account
> requiring
> maximum confidence.
>
>
> A foreigner ,late Engr Johnson creek ,an oil merchant
> /contractor with our government ,until his death 2 years ago
> After a brief illness , Deposited with my company ,and had a
> closing balance
> of U.S$15. M (Fifteen million dollars ) which the deposited
> unquestionablly
> expects it to be claimed by any available foreign next-of-kin
> of the late
> beneficiary or alternatively be donated to the or converted to
> personal funds
> by the goverment officials. Fervent valuable effort are being
> made by security
> company to get in touch with any of the Creek family or relative
> but prove to no
> avail.
>
> It is 'cos of the percieved possibility of not been
> able to locate any of the late Engr Johnson Creek
> next-of-kin,That I have successfully manipulated the fund and
> coverd it up till now,with the files covering the fund under my
> care.
>
> At the favour of this plan i now seek your permission to have
> you stand as the next-of-kin to late Engr Johnson Creek so
> that the fund us$15.M would be released and paid into your
> nominated bank account as the beneficiary next-of-kin .
> All documents and prove to enable you get this fund will
> be-carefully worked out . And more so we are assuring you of
> 100% risk free involvement.
>
> It is expected that the transaction will run for 12 to 13 bank
> working days, so your immediate reply is needed with your
> interest indicated so that all necessary proceures will
> cormence. We have agreed that the fund will be shared thus
> ,after it has
> been transfered into your account .
>
> 1, 25% of the fund will be allocated to you for acting as the
> beneficiary of the fund
>
> 2, 5% will be set aside for reimbursment to both
> parties for any incidental expenses that may be incured in the
> course of thetransfer .
>
> 3, 70% for us the originators of the transaction.
> you can still discuss your interest as regards the sharing of
> the fund.
>
> Your reply is highly expected.
>
> Kindly get to me immediately ,by furnishing me with
> your confidential phone number,fax number and exclusive bank
> particulars so that we can use theseinformation to apply for the
> release and subsequent transfer of the funds in your favour .
>
> Thanking you in anticipation of your co-operation.please if your
> very ready to assist reply this mail Via
> michaelgodbless@fastermail.com
>
>
> Yours Sincerely ,
>
> MICHAEL NWACHUKWU


Rather than just ignoring it this time, I decided to e-mail back, following in the footsteps of dungeoneer's escapade a while ago. I wasn't nearly as inventive, however.


If you're going to try and scam people my advice is to at least try and
sound convincing.

No regards
David X. Kenneth Henjo-Richter Newton (PhD)


Don't ask me where the PhD came from, I was just trying to make it sound more impressive. Oddly enough, he persevered.


> Dear David.
>
> Am sorry for my late email and I thank you for your confused responce.Am
finding it very difficult to understand your email to me and am sorry if my
approach was misunderstanded.
>
> Please this is not in anyway related to whatever you think it is and if
this will be your intension please do not write me again.
>
> Am in a big trouble and this is why am seeking for this help,
> I stand to loose this deposit if not remitted within the next 9 bank
working days.This is as stated by the federal constitution and there is no
law order against the embezzlement of the funds by the government.
>
> Please help me if you can.I do not need any further help from you order
than helping me claim and secure this deposit.The late depositors british
attorney Mr.Michael G.R Hall will take care of the claims from the court.
>
> I only need anything of your best personal identification( national
drivers licence or international paaaport) for the attorney to commence
with the court procedures.Please promise this funds will be safe if remitted
to you.Am a christian and i believe you are one also and a God fearing
fellow.
>
> I promise 20% of the total $15,million deposit sum.Am sorry if this will
be a low offer but it's all i can afford.
>
> Here is my international passport copy for my personal identification.You
can reach mw with this number 2348036679995.
>
> Please get back to me the instant you receive this message.
>
> Thanks and God bless.
> Michael Nwachukwu.


If you read all that, then you'll have noticed that he says some rather contradictory things in it, and I was happy to point those out to him.


At least you seem to be reading my responses rather than just sending me out
more standard letters - that's better than most people do when they're
trying to get money out of others via e-mail.

You tell me not to write again and at the same time to instantly get back to
you. I find that rather confusing myself, to be honest.

"20% of the total $15 million deposit sum" is actually quite an immense
amount - you might want to drop to something more believable.

I wish you luck in your search for a gullible idiot,
David X. K. H-R. Newton


But he still kept on going...


> Dear David.
>
> Am still not understanding your email.Please make it more understandable
for me.Am really really confused.Please help me.I can't afford to loose this
funds please.
>
> I need your urgent response please.
>
> Thanks and God bless.
> Michael nwachukwu.


I couldn't really think of a good way to reply to that, so I just settled for this.


I thought I had made it clear in the last email, but if by some chance you
happen to be genuine I have attached a scan of one of the documents you
requested. I hope this helps in your understanding.

David

[Attached was a JPG containing the words "SOD OFF" in 72-point letters.]


And I haven't heard from him since...