Today we're just sailing around the northeast bit of Canada, and it's astonishing how ignorant someone can suddenly sound when not connected to Google to look up the name of the northeast bit of Canada. It's been a day of wandering around, sitting in the library, trying out some of the sports contests like the golf chipping where I nearly killed the organizer by accident, and generally passing time until we get to our next port.

When we booked the cruise we got the all-inclusive package, which is all-inclusive except for Internet, laundry, alcoholic drinks, sodas, juices and some of the food. Naturally I was unimpressed by this, but after I got over the illogical cost of drinks and chose just not to worry about my onboard account until the end of the holiday, it's very comfortable.

I have Internet for news from the mainland, but it's very expensive - I bought a package that puts it at just over 50 cents per minute, and have exacted a routine of opening up absolutely everything in about ten seconds flat, disconnecting, reading it offline and then blasting back replies in another minute-long session. However, it's rapidly becoming a phone line out of this bubble that I can pick up occasionally to be reminded that America is basically dreadful, so I may step down my involvement in it even further over the rest of the week.

We went to the karaoke at the bar at the top of the ship last night, which had a disc jockey so confused that he was accidentally hilarious in his deadpan ("Thank you, Stephanie, that was... ...good.") I made a complete { star / tit } of myself by singing some of the few things in karaoke books that I actually know - mostly Queen songs, which are impossible. Nevertheless, I seem to have made a celebrity of myself among the teenage girls on the ship ("you sang last night?", "I love your accent", etc, etc).

Just wait until they find out I voice homicidal birds on the Internet.