This trans tropette to her mom: "Well, I wanna dye my hair, and get my lip pierced, and some pattern tattoos on my arms, and I'd love to have a horrifically damaged eye that leaks fluid with a bandage eyepatch, oh, and I want breasts and a vagina!"

One time after school, this troper was surprised to see his mom in the backyard, since she's usually on the road doing business. She seemed cheerful, and offered me a glass of my favorite soda before making a toast: "Cheers to unemployment!"

This troper, when she was 14, received a list from a childhood friend of ten reasons for him to terminate their friendship. The list began jokingly with "1. Santa does not exist, 2. You fail," and continued on thusly until finally the last few reasons were legitimate reasons for the end of the friendship such as "You hate all my other friends."

This troper loves to tell stories about old friends from high school, simple old stories about playing football and other Norman Rockwell-type stories of suburbia, then end them with a deadpan "Too bad he..." about some unfortunate ending that happened to the friend in question. As in, "Too bad he's in jail now for raping a 13-year-old" or "Too bad he ended up dead of an overdose" or "Too bad his ex-girlfriend snapped and shot him", all of which actually happened to the people in the stories. I guess my old friends meeting unfortunate ends happened so damn often that I've been using humor to cope.

This troper was at a party, sprawled on a couch lazily with six or seven other guests while we all engaged in sugar-fuelled, circuitous SeinfeldianConversation. All very lighthearted and whimsical. At some time, I made an offhand reference to being raped by our childhood neighbour's adult son, a true story. I didn't notice what I'd said, but everyone else did.

This troper has a habit of, out of the blue while talking to his friends, making some weird observation that tends to freak them out. Personal favourite: "You know my family is fucked up when the fact that my grandfather tried to rape me with a carrot when he was drunk is something we joke about." I'm pretty cheerful and playful about the massively fucked up life I've had.

This troper has a friend like that - she was molested and raped as a young girl multiple times, but nowadays is as nonchalant and apathetic about discussing it as if she were discussing a childhood trip to the zoo or beach. It seems to serve as a coping strategy - she says that if she hadn't learned to laugh about it and stop caring, she'd have gone crazy.

This troper's father attempted suicide while her parents were going through a divorce. We now make suicide and remember-when-dad-was-in-the-mental-hospital jokes completely offhand, which, needless to say, weirds people out a little. (He does have some truly humorous stories from the time, like when they turned on the radio in the hospital gym and it was playing "Don't Fear The Reaper").

This troper's friend applies this trope at the drug store: he'll buy toothpaste, mouth wash, shaving cream, soap and condoms. In reality, he only needs the condoms, but says that the others defuse the situation.

I work in a grocery store. Once someone bought bread, milk, a cucumber, eggs, cereal, cheese, and KY jelly.

I once saw a list on a forum that was a strange hybrid of this and ArsonMurderAndJaywalking. A user was describing the poor quality of a friend's surrogate parent, and he rounded off a fairly sizable list (drug dealer, womanizer, neglectful, etc.) by saying the man was black. ArsonMurderAndJaywalking because being black, unlike the rest of the things on the list, wasn't objectionable, but BreadEggsMilkSquick because of the sudden implied racism on what were otherwise valid problems.

This troper was getting picked up from a field trip to a theme park by his brother. When asked "How did it go?" I responded with "Oh, it was great, I went on a bunch of roller coasters, I got pasta for lunch, five kids from my school got expelled for bringing drugs..." It actually took him a few seconds to pick up on that.

I managed to pull one of these today. My old middle school friend and I were discussing our science projects and I said, "Yeah, I'm sure I'll figure out an experiment. Oh, by the way, did you know our [other old middle school friend] is pregnant?

This troper left this message on her mother's cell phone:

"Hey, mom, it's me. I forgot to tell you before you left for the store, I needed new deodorant. If you don't get this message, that's okay, I have a little bit left so I'll get by. Oh, and also, don't be worried about the big black mark on the wall when you get back, I tripped on the Christmas Tree box after you left and bruised up my arm, and while I was falling I tried to catch myself on the wall but my hand landed on a picture and I took it down with me and it scraped against the wall and left that mark." Pause. "Merry Christmas."

This Troper once had a conversation with a co-worker about tank tops and sleeveless shirts. During the conversation, I ended up mentioning that I can't wear tank tops because I used to self-harm and I have scars on my arms.

Strangely enough, This Troper is ''planning'' one. I was a fistful of pills away from suicide at least three times in the past year (I only really made it because I was too chicken to go through with it), but only my best friend and psychologist know. I've been thinking I should tell my parents, and I intend for TheReveal to go something like this: #QUOTE#You know, I guess my senior year wasn't ''all'' that bad. I mean, between getting emotionally invested in fictional characters, frequent bouts of loneliness, and loads of schoolwork, I passed five AP classes, learned quite a bit about myself, am ready to go to college, and decided not to kill myself three times. Not too bad.

This Troper has a friend who does this frequently, mentioning his pooing habits randomly in conversations.

This troper's mother did this once while giving instructions about cooking a chicken. At the time, our neighbor's noisy dog had been barking for five minutes non-stop. #QUOTE# '''Mum''': Just take the plastic bag off, put it in the oven, and set the timer to fifteen minutes. And then go outside and shoot the dog, please.

This troper was once playing a game with her friend where each of us would add a word to the sentence. The conversation went like this: #QUOTE#Friend: Why... #QUOTE#Me: Was... #QUOTE#Frind: The... #QUOTE#Me: Cat... #QUOTE#Friend: Skinned... #QUOTE#Me: ''What?!''

This troper (@/BertieDastard again!) didn't have a very happy childhood, to the point where I drew up very detailed plans to kill myself and burn down my school. I kept these in a folder, and on the few occasions when a friend would stumble across it, I explained it using this trope. 'Oh, yeah, that. See, I keep all my ideas in folders, so that one's stories, this one's poems, and that one you're holding is for suicide plans and potential arson attacks.'

After returning from BotCon at Disneyworld in Florida last year, this troper was asked by several family members and co-workers how my trip went. My standard answer was "It was too hot, too muggy, everything was too expensive, and I picked up a creepy stalker. But other than that, pretty fun."

This troper has problems in that I tried to kill myself several times, nearly succeeding once. The very first time I tried, I was 8 years old and tried to smother myself with a pillow. During a casual conversation about what we were having for dinner afterwards, I felt that I needed to say something and blurted out that I'd tried to kill myself. It changed the tone of the conversation rather drastically.

This Troper once had a huge fight with her dad about being 'lazy' while getting ready for school and started crying. At school, my friends asked me about my red eyes and generally miserable demeanour. #QUOTE#'''Me:''' Yeah, just been rubbing my eyes a bit. And I had a ''huge'' fight with my father and he yelled at me that I was fat and lazy and that kinda put my self confidence in the toilet.

Very minor example from my Facebook page when someone asked me what's up.

"Not much. Going with my girlfriend for haircuts. Just ate some Olive Garden takeout. Graffitied a truck with lipstick last night for a shitty parking job. You?"

This troper tends to tell people why doing something is a bad idea like so: Well, you'll get caught, and probably reported to the police, and they'll have you drawn and quartered...

This Troper's graphics folder, for a while. It had sub-folders for things she's made in dollmakers, drawings, pixel art, screenshots, wallpaper, SonicTheHedgehog-related art (further divided into official art, things where I'm not quite sure if it's official art, and fanart, the last of which is then divided by character), humor, photo manipulations, and... something labeled "Private - keep out!".

This troper was talking to her best friend and discussing the lyrics to a certain song. #QUOTE# '''Me''': 'We gave her a new face' - that could mean several things. A disguise, plastic surgery, a makeover, or maybe they injured her face so badly that she's unrecognizable. #QUOTE# '''Friend''': Yikes. Hadn't even thought of the last one.

This lurker tends to invoke this when he discusses how he is paying for college, food and gas without a job. It typically goes like "I'm pretty careful with money. I have a fairly generous trust fund since my mom died and I got social security benefits, though, so I'm just living off of that right now".

"You're late getting home from work." "Yeah, well, we had an insane day so I was late getting out of there, then the traffic was crazy and I kept hitting all these red lights. Then my bike suddenly got a flat, so I had to walk it, and on the way I decided to stop at the doctor's to ask him about this really intense yeast infection I've got going on, and I remembered we're out of milk so I had to get some more. Is dinner ready?"

This is this troper's favorite method to test whether his mom is paying attention. One example: #QUOTE#'''Troper:''' After I finish the homework, I'm going to make myself a cup of melon juice. #QUOTE#'''Mom:''' Mm-hmmm. #QUOTE#'''Troper:''' Then I'm going to put some pesticide in it, drink it all in one gulp and take a leap out of the apartment window because life here freaking sucks. #QUOTE#'''Mom:''' Uh huh.

This tropette's english class recently played a game where you all sit in a circle. One person writes a sentence in the middle of a paper, and then each person passes their paper over to the left, and writes a sentence above and below the first one, continuing the story. Of course, this being a class which included fifteen or so horny, retarded 8th grade boys, things had to get weird. It started off as a typical story involving an author avatar kid getting bored in math class, and getting into a fight. Before long, the story changed to him finding a hot girl, killing the principal, and screwing said hot girl in needlessly graphic detail.

Thats's offensive, I know a friend with retardation and he's respectful to girls.

This troper recently saw Powerman 5000 and managed to get to talk to the band after the show. I asked their guitarist what a certain venue was like backstage, and he responded: #QUOTE#'''Dave Pino:''' "Well there were a lot of doors and stuff back there, like a big maze, lots of people with walkie-talkies, catering, you know, fruit tables and stuff, naked guys walking around..."

My father's default joke when we visit his hometown in Ecuador: "Santo Domingo de los Colorados, capital of the province of the same name and famous for its unique Indian culture, flourishing commerce, agriculture and drug traffic with Colombia."

One time, this troper's roommate and a friend of ours were joking around about the 'Santa's grotto' setup, leading to our friend sitting on said roommate's lap, putting on a squeaky voice and listing the things she wanted for Christmas. They started off innocent - "a pony, and a bicycle, and a swimming pool" - and slowly became more and more odd - "and a cheese grater, and a cow, and an eggplant" until she decided to make things dirtier with "...and a vibrator, and a sex slave, one of each gender." I was drinking soda at the time, and I laughed so hard that it came out my nose.

When at a friend's house, she showed me a folder of her drawings. She's into flowery, natural art and photography, so it was all very pretty and sweet. Until, that is, I accidentally looked inside another folder which contained yaoi sex scenes. I'm not a fan of yaoi myself, so for me it was very effective squick.

My best friend comes out with stories of the abuse she suffered in normal conversations sometimes. She doesnt seem to notice most of the time, as if its normal for her, but I always feel so sorry for her and just have to give her a hug. In the middle of talking about other non related things, she will end it with something awful, like "and (the abuser) once locked me in the closet for 2 days."

This tropette's favourite books are The Zombie Survival Guide, The Walking Dead series, Battle Royale, Harry Potter...and Twilight. I am not kidding.

This Troper was reading a lecture for an online Psychology class, which listed examples of behaviors: "Eating, dreaming, planting flowers, shopping, learning, and starting a riot."

This Troper once looked through the history of a public library computer (no log on required). This was what was in the history for a certain day:

MSN.com

Google.com

Wawa.com

''Stormfront.com''

This troper has an upcoming line in a fanfic, which involves an {{original character}}'s response to a certain type of {{fangirl}}: #QUOTE#OriginalCharacter: "Trust me, you do ''not'' want to be with this guy, it sucks! He's a bastard, he's selfish, and quite possibly a pedo."